Moving on?

So its been more than a week since.

How am I faring?

Ok I guess.

Mornings are considerably easier. It doesn't hurt as much. The pangs are more or less gone, save for the times when I glimpse at a couple that reminds me of what used to be us, then it twinges.

I saw Azzy and bf in the street today while walking back home. Surreal. I always thought (cruelly probably) that we would at least outlast them. Guess not.

I have to stop referring to the past us as "us". It's not past continuous.

But enough moping. Have to get on with life.

Tho I did admit to Mel and Andrea that about half of my motivation for staying is gone. It's still there and it's still worth staying, but I didn't realise how much of the urge to stay was driven by my heart as it were. I'm such a soppy person.

It's always the hard nuts that are the soft cookies in the end.

Oh and P.S. I've learned to cry thanks to the Ex-Boy. And when he ended things, the tears wouldn't stop. It didn't feel like it would, but it's good to get it out of your system as quickly as possible. No point smothering it and pretending that it's gone when it's just buried.

Need to find a new hobby. Or at least a hobby. I'm moving house soon too. To closer to work. And am thinking about getting a new laptop. I've popped open my budget but I'll get it after I move so there's just less stuff for me to transport.

Also Keylet has decided to charge us cleaning fines. For stupid things. I'm fighting it, but I want my damn bond back. There is absolutely no reason for them to charge us and I don't care how long it takes.

Heartache still. Only cos I saw Azzy today with her Boy. And also cos Azzy was one of my links to him. I assume she knows. I bumped into her on Saturday at her work and she didn't mention him. Facebook has it's uses :)

I think I should blog more often. Maybe that'll be my hobby till ! find one that isn't so sedentary.

Also, 22 years old on Saturday! Dinner with Mel and Andrea and work ppl on Friday and gym on Saturday. 10 pound entry. I'm thinking of going for a spa thing but I might not now. I thought I had a voucher but turns out it's only a 10 pound discount.

I'll see how I feel later on this week. It's pay week as well. Yay for Friday!

Well, I don't feel like I should end on such a high, seeing as I'm not really feeling it, so it's bye for now. Till next time blogglar.

There isn't any more

Yes yes.

Another End.

The Boy did it. Not me this time.

I'm supposed to chat with him tonight to get it clear why and that but I figured I'd better update you first cos it's been a while, hasn't it bloggy dearest?

It happened Sunday night during our scheduled chats on Skype. I didn't really see it coming. I lost the fear of losing him somewhere around the 1st year. It's not good to be paranoid that things aren't going to work out. I was at Andrea's place with Melody and we just had steamed fish dinner. I was stuffed.

I went to Andrea's room and talked like I normally do. The mood shifted slightly and we both got a bit quiet. I can't describe it but I was semi bracing myself for something ominous. I was rocked tho. No matter how prepared you are, it's never enough. And I wasn't prepared at all for that.

Needless to say it's beyond saving now. Its painful to say it, but to be honest I don't think there's any way back for us after this heartbreak. I wouldn't trust the fracture to heal.

So I'm supposed to talk to him tonight to clear the air about why. He did say why yesterday but honestly, I wasn't really in the frame of mind to take it in. I owe it to my future self to get closure now, no matter ho much it hurts.

This time, the tag is truly appropriate.

Jour Six dans Saint-Etienne

Ok, so it's crept up to about 4 1/2 out of 5. Maybe 6 if you're being picky. But its on the up. I don't know if I can or even should keep it up. Time will tell.

And I've got nothing against KoC. Really. It's just a bit of time sucking that is fine when I'm not here, its just as unfortunately as time sucking when I am here.

* * *

M&S underwear is brilliant. Soft, yet stylish. I'm never going back to La Senza. Call me a convert.

* * *

Things to do today:

• Get up
• Have a shower
• Tidy room
• Clean dishes
• Make rice
• Buy candles
• Visit Art museum

All by choice of course. I don't want yall thinking I'm here as a glorified maid.

* * *

I don't want to jinx myself but there is good news which I haven't shared but come June 28th, hopefully everything goes according to plan. Wahey!

Saint-Etienne, France - Day 5

Bonjour from Saint-Etienne!

I don't expect blog posts will be all that common this holiday but I thought I should post some updates before I get too swamped later this month.

Yes, I am taking a well deserved (?) holiday in the quaint town of Saint-Etienne. So far I've gone to some people's houses; had a picnic in the park, complete with games and lots of giggling, and watched France play Uruguay to a disappointing draw in the World Cup; among other things.

I've met the CILEC friends, well those of which are still in Saint-Etienne. A lovely bunch, and thankfully, some peak English! They all speak French to one another which I first found quite unnerving. But it adds to the fun of trying to guess where people are from.

There have been drinks to say farewell to a number of people as well as the weekly Wednesday CILEC soiree.

The Boy hasn't played football this week which means Kingdoms of Camelot on facebook, or as I like to call it, KoC. For those of you who don't know what this game is, be thankful. It's not a bad game, by all means its really complicated and very addictive. Its the addictive part at which I cringe at. But as with Football Manager and other such games in the future, I smile and nod and take a nap or a stroll or something - in the hope that it'll pass, and for a brief moment in time, I'll get the Boy to myself again. For now, its KoC 24/7. Yay...

Its day 5 and Sunday, so tomorrow is the Boy's first day back in CILEC doing his summer French course. He got his B2! The next level up is C1 but he says that that'll take at least another year so the summer classes are so he can brush up on his french before starting Uni in September. Note to the Boy: Email the Unis again!

Well, the Boy is reading over my shoulder now, so it's au revoir for now.

* * *

2 outta 5 so far. I'm aiming for at least 50%! lol. We'll see...

Update: 3 out of 5! Turns out writing the truth really works! No, I'm not really keeping score. This will be funny in like 5 years time... hehe (?)

Ray of sunshine

My lovely (albeit sometimes stinky) house mate just popped in for a word.

It's his house that I was going to stay in over summer.

He went to speak to his letting agent today about the housing issue.

Turns out, the agency was sympathetic and said "We can't hand your friends the keys. It says so in your contract."

But they can hand the keys to a tenant, who then hands the keys to whoever they want.

But, 5 of the 6 tenants are international students. They'll be out of the country by then. The 6th one will be in Portsmouth.

But, the 6th guy said: Ok, I'll pick up the keys for your friends. Bless him!

(Portsmouth is a 4 hour train journey to Cardiff. Gag.)

So...

I have a place to live over summer! Yay!

*mentally jumping for joy*

*physically too tired and worried about Child Care tomorrow at 9am*

Wish me luck!