O My God What Have I Done

I may have mentioned before that I have slight neurotic reaction to stressers.
Edit: And by neurotic I mean panicked and blabber mouthed.

Aaaaand stressers include getting hit by shocking statements.

Aaaaand these statements include those that make me choose between heart and head. Like right at that very instant.

I don’t wanna expose too much, this being kinda personal and all but I still feel bad. Felt like a rejection.
And: that’s not the implication I meant.

It’s not a flat out no. But it’s not a yes either. It’s a “gimme-a-bit-of-time-and-I-have-to-think-about-it” answer.

Emotional baggage to be addressed of course. It’s still a bit soon so I don’t know whether I’m still reeling or even rebounding (if at all. I don’t feel it, but it could be one of those suppressed things you hear about). And granted we spend and have spent ages together and what with all the ensuing drama, it feels more spontaneous and electrifying (oooh, what a word) than a 2-week thing should at this point. Or maybe it’s just what would happen anyway regardless and I’m over-analysing again.

I think I’m over-analysing. Because I panicked. And rocked my mouth off again. At the wrong time. I think I need more feet because I keep sticking them in my mouth constantly.

Emotional baggage aside – UnnamedMale (you have yet to adopt the official label so this is what I’m calling you ;) hadn’t considered the Summer Cardiff-KL issue. I have. Extensively. And as per protocol – I’m just seeing how this will pan out. Now, Tomorrow, Later, In the Future.

And back with emotional baggage – I have horrible history and a huge chip on my shoulder about these things and I agree wholeheartedly that every one is different and I think and feel the same via vous. I really appreciate that you took it in your stride and made me feel crappy about being so caught up in this “generalisation of guys” issue, at the same time. Kudos to you matey (And no, I’m not angry).

I can’t help but draw from past experiences and keep telling myself to not jump the gun on things like this as I have yet to show prudent and mature decision-making with regards to my relationships with Boys. So I don’t trust myself at all. However, I am not so wimpy with my ways as to listen to whatever people are barking at me.

Internal monologue is on repeat and it says: Go only as far as he is willing to commit to. No more, no less. But less is ok because of self preservation.
Trying to prevent emotional death. Again.

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Not one of my more elegant posts but today’s been pretty turbulent and a bit disappointing. My expected up, became a downer. Which stabled out for a bit. Elevated slightly but dropped dramatically. Wavered on mediocre for a bit and is still fluctuating like a monkey on a rope (???).

Wow, even my metaphors are suffering today.

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Regardless of what I said yesterday – it would be nice to hear from both of my greatly appreciated readers.

Mild desperation with a hint of oops is the expected forecast for tomorrow. With warm smiles and intense flipping-out to be headed towards the Continent (The Netherlands in particular).

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Just as a last minute addition - I'll come clean on my mental whereabouts so that noone's lost. In, dare I say, relationships, my attitude is all or nothing. Rather intense I know but that's how it is with me. Not to say I always plunge in, but I tend to wallow around fully clothed as it were. I'm not the sort to make rash decisions but the decisions I make I stand by them as if my life depended on it. It's not like me to second-guess myself - it's not something I like doing, nor am good at. So if I'm in, I'm in for the Whole Hog. The Long Haul.The Big Bang.
I've mentioned my on-off switch right? It's off right now. Do you dare turn it on? Ain't it lovely fun being rhetoric in blogs? Cryptic it's not.