I feel like screaming.
Screaming out of frustration. Screaming out of anger. Screaming out of joy. A whole convulsion of emotions and there’s no right way to express them.
My whole body is twisted up in knots and those knots in unbreakable elastic bonds to another, miles away. I want to pound on the floor and beseech the sky to open up and drown me.
I have been watching RSC’s Hamlet in BBC iPlayer. Can you tell?
Ok, enough with the dramatics.
In truth, there’s not much to be all emotional about anymore. There’s a yes or a no and the answer is which path you take. Unfortunately I can’t help but wonder what will happen down that path. I worry so much about the next step that I forget to enjoy the last one I took. It’s a shit way of going but its what I’m used to.
I wish it were different but how can I complain when so many have gone down the same path and have gone so much further than me? Is there something wrong with me? Should I just stand still?
The problem with me is that I stop to look at the map and stop and ask directions that I never really get to where I’m going and I hardly enjoy the ride. Maybe if I had a car. Or a bicycle. Or at least knew where the heck I’m going.
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HAPPY NEW YEAR! also
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