Winter Holidays

I was supposed to go to France for a nice holiday break but my passport's not back from the Home Office yet. I haven't even had word about biometrics yet. Everyone else I know has at least gotten a letter from them but I haven't. I sent it off thru the Student Support Centre so maybe they;re on holiday now or something but either way it's been over 6 weeks. It takes up to 14 weeks so I have found out. That's insane...

The Boy has gone off to Barca and is going around the south of France with his brother. Should be a good trip. He offered, as a conciliatory Christmas present, to pay for my plane tickets to France so I could spend a few days with him in St-Etienne. I almost cried with joy!

I almost cried with anger when my passport hadn't come back to me by December.

* * *

It's still tough with him in France and with no skype. But things are working out ok. There's still FB (occasionally) and msn. No audio-visual stuff but I call him thru Skype once in a while and I see his pics on FB so I know he's telling the truth when he says he's lost weight. LDR v2 isn't as bad as I thought it might be. It's further, but the principles are the same - you work with what you got.

* * *

Been hanging out with Su-Ann quite a bit. Dunno why - we're in different groups in the BVC and we don't really have the same schedule or study habits but we know each other well enough that we enjoy doing things together. I've been seeing a lot of Kirsty in the library as well. Staying in the Legal Practice Library (LPL) till 9pm every night will force the oddest of friendships. We've got our late night library times in common so that helps the small talk.

Chern's dropped off the radar a bit but has resurfaced come the end of term. She's not as uptight as she used to be but when you have down time in the BVC you can't afford to be stingy with what you want. You don't know when's the next time you'll have down time again! It really is a matter of "my precious..."

* * *

Had a wicked night out on Tuesday after the Opinion Writing exam. 4 hours in City Hall and most of us went ot town to relax or shop or both. It was Lizzy's birthday so we congregated in Lloyd's for lunch. I went home at about 7pm after following Su, Chern and Melody shopping and then out again to 10 Feet Tall and Revolution at night. Melody didn't come out at night tho.

Really a fun night! I didn't get drunk - I had a bit of champagne, courtesy of Wai Cheong but I didn't drink after we went to Revs cos Julie was in a right state. She could barely stagger in, let alone walk. She almost sat in a chair with smashed glass! Azzy was there so she kept an eye out as well.

After Revs Wai Cheong wanted to go to Gala. He always goes to Gala. The only reason I go to Gala is cos of Wai Cheong. I only went the first time cos Jeremy went I think. Either way, WC was there. He played blackjack with Kien Lun and Kenneth T and I tried to show Kirsty how to play roulette. The croupier taught her how eventually. A lot of old Chinese folks in Gala...

Fixing a lamp in Revs

* * *

So The Boy has offered me a delayed Christmas present in the form of a trip to Porto (originally a trip to Greece or Croatia) during Easter. My Easter break is pathetic: 1 week break but the week after I have 2 summative exams - Civil and Criminal. So not much of a break there...

I don't care tho. I can't go anywhere this holidays so I'm bloody well going to take a few days off for Easter. Porto cos there's a direct flight from St-Etienne thru Ryan air.

I really should start planning. I have forgotten to inform/ask the parents about it first but I'm assuming cos they said yes (originally) to the France trip, they will be ok with this one. Still, my mind would be at ease if I had their permission.

* * *

I subscribe to several blogs, a majority of those are by people I know. One such blog is by a girlfriend of a friend of mine. I do know her personally, but since her boyfriend is in my course and I knew him first, that's how I'll always see her. Anyway, they've been steady for ages and ages and if anyone's going to take the leap, it'll be them, but not so soon.

That said, her recent post has irked me to no end. At the end of her most recent post she has HINTED at what she wants in a husband - metaphorical finger pointing at the aforementioned boyfriend.

I have no doubt that they are in love and madly so and they've been together longer than some pairs of socks I have, but the blatancy that she has set out her matrimonial goals pisses me off.

She's amazingly smart and clever and extremely modern but when it comes to family values, she seems to have no clue over and above her little bubble of wedded bliss. Sure, I want a family and a stable one at that, but to smear it all over the blogosphere like a thick coat of rainbow nutella is too much for me. Keep your quasi-proposal pokes private please.

New Record!

I have period PAIN.

And it hurts like a mother.

It feels like my uterus is so heavy and just wants to drop out. I quite feel like I wouldn’t mind having it outside for a while – at least I won’t feel so bloated and at the same time, I could just get rid of all that vascular lining that is just itching to be disposed of.

I hate it when Aunt Flo springs up on me so unexpected. It was somewhat expected but not to this extent. Hit me right in the middle of advocacy preparations. My opponent tomorrow better watch out.

I’ve been eating well lately. Maybe too well. Actually it’s been alternative – good and bad. Pizza and noodles. No lunch but big dinner. Or visa versa.

47 days. I think that’s a new record, even for me. It must be the combination of 1 week of practice assessments and then placements. Stress does not agree with my female anatomy.

* * *

Had a good gossip session just now after dinner with Su-Ann and Cassandra. It was fun at the time but thinking back on it, it kinda feels a little evil. And I feel a little guilty. I’ve really got no beef with any of the people we were talking about. Nice to actually talk to someone about something other than law tho.

* * *

I may be in for the best Christmas present ever! But it’s dependant on:

1. the parents giving the go-ahead
2. getting my passport back before January!

Fingers and toes crossed! If you have any spare prayers, I could sure use some now. Thank you!

Updating like a fool

Yeah, so I've been busy. I know. I know! Rubbish excuse! But that does mean that there's nothing really too magical about my life so far.

1.Placement week

Another week marshalling with a judge gone by. This time it was a Crown Court Judge so it was all criminal stuff. Saw mostly sentences and Prelims and PCMHs. If you don't know what those are, don't bother finding out, it's all mostly criminal procedure stuff the court has to deal with before and after trials. Think the beginning and end of Law & Order but the UK version.

They call it Marshalling, not following or shadowing. It's denotes a certain amount of respect. Plus it sounds less stalker-like.

The Judge I was placed with was really nice. He'd talk to us every day, in the morning and after the court was done for the day. He's one of those Judges that you really don't want to mess with and you have to be prepared to answer his questions. He's not scary, just a little fierce I guess. He starts off liek a tiger, but once you've answered him and done the dance, he's a pussycat.

2. Wet shoes :(

Thursday it poured down with rain. On the very day I thought I'd stop at Queen Street Station on the way back from Newport (from placement) and buy myself some shoes from Blue Banana. I love that shop btw.

I was wearing my black wedge heels with the bow on the front. I've had them since Law Year 1 so I quite like them. They are stable and cute. The only really problem is they squish my toes in front. But all shoes do that to me cos I have wide feet. Anyway, back to the rain.

Oh and by the way, did I mention that I left my umbrella in the train? I bought another one for a pound but still - I had to walk all the way down Queen Street with only a folder for protection! Luckily I was dressed for winter...

Back to the shoes. I bought my Blue Banana shoes and was walking home and got to about Coburn Street when it began chucking down monsoon-sized drops of rain. Like the sky had unzipped and just dumped tropical rain down on Cardiff. No fun walking thru that in cloth shoes, even if they were heels. Coburn's a residential street so every 2 or 3 metres there was a drainage pipe that drained the water from the roofs of the houses. It was like squish squish squish SPLASH squish squish squish SPLASH (The squishs meaning normal wet shoe steps, and the SPLASHes meaning big puddle steps). After a while I couldn't care less about how let my shoes or feet were. I was soaked thru up to my knees. Thank God only up to my knees.

I got home. It was a tender squish squish squish to the living room where I gingerly removed my drenched shoes and tights. I think they are still wet today.

An interesting, out of the blue experience. I'm none the worse for wear but I'm not taking the weather for granted any more, that's for sure.

3. Ebay!

I've been going on an Ebay binge lately. I haven't bought too much, but I did buy myself a heater and a pair of denim shorts. Hopefully these aren't the hotpants kind. I already have a pair of those :D

4. Practice Assessments!

Oh yeah, the week before placement week was Practice Assessment week!

Monday - Negotiation

Tuesday - Hand in Skeleton Argument

Wednesday - Advocacy

Thursday - PLR

Friday - Opinion Writing

All spells STRESS! But glad it's over :) Now proper Assessments coming up in December!

5. Period

Or rather lack thereof. It's been a stressful couple of weeks what with Practice Assessments and all. Well, mainly Practice Assessments, placement week is a breeze :) I'm not too concerned, it's been late before. I've just got the added bonus of knowing that I'm definitely not pregnant. That helps :D

*The Boy

Nothing much to update on save that there's more MSN, which I liiiiike. He's gone off FM10 for a bit after QPR bit the dust, so to speak. Apparently, he got bought by Manchester United *smirk* so he's managing them now *grins*. Good luck! hehe

I think he's getting a bit bored in France - clubs ain't all that and the classes are mornings mostly so he's got a lot of free time. So it's mainly football, FM, hanging out with friends. There's still no Skype which is shit but oh well. There was facebook for a while but that got taken off too.

*Winter Hols

I'm not going anywhere. I mean really. I'm staying in Cardiff. This is so depressing. Most people, housemates included, are going home to Malaysia. Not that I really want to go back, but at least go somewhere. Preferably France again to see The Boy but that's out of the question as far as Parentals and money is concerned. I hate to harp on about it but that's really the only barrier to me going off during hols. It's a stupid reason and so easily cured. But I don't have the time to work now, I obviously can't work and then go. It'll be too late. So I'm resigned to a Christmas in Cardiff - with no one.

I may go to London but I shall see. Hlbh is heading to London, January I think so I may do Christmas with Lea if she's still around. She's another of the fly-home-at-Christmas types.

*I'm not resentful of the fly-home people. I just don't like the 12-13 hour flight so I don't really understand it.

Opposite Day

Days don't normally go like this.

The day started off great. I totally aced the negotiation session. Well I did better than last time (which isn't that hard) but I can now say I don't suck at negotiation. There's hope for me yet! Negotiation was at 9am so I had a loooong break until 4pm when I had my Criminal Practice large group session. I do enjoy all the modules - there's something new to learn all the time, but that room was a little too warm and I found myself nodding off. My head tends to bounce like a bobblehead when I get drowsy. Sleep. Wake up. Close my eyes, nod off. Jerk awake again. And I was sitting in the second row right in the middle! Didn't get caught tho. It's a pity. I really do try and stay awake.

Netball practice was supposed to be my destresser of the day. I rushed home from the Legal Practice Library (LPL) at half seven to get to Talybont by 8pm or thereabouts. To cut a long story short, I ended up getting so angry at the end of practice because of a couple of silly girls who weren't taking practice seriously. I know it's just practice. By all means, have fun. But if you're playing a game (like we were) then you owe it to your team mates to put in some effort. Not just giggle and toss the ball around like it's a marshmellow. Have some goddamn respect for the other people on your team for crying out loud.

I really laid it into them after practice. I wasn't happy. I was angry. How dare they be so selfish. Netball is a team game. You win as a team and you lose as a team. If just one player gives up, what's the point in playing? Notts is on Saturday - 3/4 days away. We haven't had a lot of practices. You at least owe it to the rest of the people who are going to play to the best of your ability. Practices are supposed to help everyone, and it being a team game, there's no point saying I just don't feel like it today. Every practice counts.

I was still fuming on the walk home. I more or less marched home so now my feet hurt. And that's making me angry too. It's been a topsy turvy day.

Looks like its opposite day today, fer reals. Crikey.

* * *

I should also mention that The Boy now has internet. But no VOIP so it's msn messenger and skype calls from here. I still don't get to talk to him as much as I would like. But I'm not home most of the time tho I use a web-based msn chat in the library. This is like dejavu Swansea in the beginning all over again. I don't know tho. I'm not convinced yet.

Communication frustration

You’ve all heard of sexual frustration – you wanna do it, but you can’t. Same same.

1. France just wants to fk with me. Apparently this complete lack on internet-connectivity is not isolated to one university in one lone part of France, it’s nation-wide. Save the little children from cyber-pedos but wreck all forms of long-distance relationships, why don’t you? Yes, we all know French women are born and bred to sex up the world but you don’t have to give them their own private hunting ground. It’s not fair.
   
   
2. Bloody paperwork and customer service. Both in their extremes in France and neither in the good way. Duplicates, triplicates, come back tomorrow, next week, when we call you back. Nothing ever gets done in France unless you grab someone by the balls and yank at them until their eyes water. That or just suck it in and wait for freaking ages. I should know, I’m waiting still.
   
   
3. Blocking Skype. What the fk is up with that? I mean, what are you so afraid people are going to talk about? If it’s bandwidth you are so pissy about then just don’t give people internet in the first place and they won’t complain about it to you.
   
   
4. MSN Messenger for Mac – has no video capabilities. We know you’re ugly Steve Jobs, not everyone else is. Be a man.
   
   
5. It’s probably due to the time of night, but would it kill you to sound a little more enthusiastic when I call you? We haven’t spoken in a week, at least some sign that you still realise that I mean something to you would be nice. I’ve generally given you the benefit of the doubt and say that you’re tired, you’ve had a long day, you’ve had a stressful week – but given that you cut our conversation short and that we don’t get the chance to get pissed over the “phone”, I feel like I have the right to vent my immediate feelings here. Talking about the fact that you’re still going to be in France next year isn’t one of the glowing points on my list of things that make me smile at the moment. I’m glad that you get to do what you want but I’m not totally ok with it yet – I’m worried. Day by day, Sara. Day by day.

That’s all from me bloggy. It’s been a wonky day. I’m still sore from netball practice on Friday which isn’t at all helping my mood. I want ice cream and chocolate and maybe both. But heaven forbid that I get fat. That wouldn’t help at all, would it?

What a weekend

I should have blogged about this yesterday but to be honest, I couldn't be arsed.

Friday night I went out for pub golf with the BVC fellas. Given that I didn't go out hte last time or that I haven't been drinking for ages I should taken it a bit slower. But no. I went racing off like a mad woman with a wax lined stomach.

Here's what I got into myself:

• Vodka mixer (orange juice) down in 1
• Half a bottle of apple cider down in 1
• Half a pint of Fosters down in 1
• Vodka mixer (Cola) down in 3
• Double Gin and tonic down in 3
• Whisky mixer (JD and orange juice) down in 3

I was playing the par 9 route but i still managed to down a few. And the first 3 drinks were all within 30 minutes of each other I think. I didn't look at the time to be fair.

We all ended up at Oceana at like 11pm but by then I was feeling well wrecked and really sleepy and headachy. I could barely keep my eyes open and focused on things. About 11.30 (I think?) i made my own way to the loo and chucked up a good portion of the hari raya goodies that I had been snacking on earlier in the day. Two good heaves and I waddled back up to the disco. The Disco was really fun tho. I was chatting with this guy from Cardiff who was sitting at the same table as me. I was just chatting to him and he seemed really nice and all. I didn't see much of him after that.

Let me firstly note, that I have never before thrown up after drinking. And I never wanna do it again. It burns.

I was somewhat accompanied by Melody for a part of the night and then I decided I couldn't stay awake and wanted to go home. Kirsty, bless her, walked me downstairs to the taxi place, but not before following me to the loo and again chucking up three times before I was satisfied that I wasn't going to make a mess of the taxi.

I got home safe and sound, and granted I forgot to message Kirsty later. Sorry hun.

Tash was back home after going out somewhere. I knocked on her door, at the suggestion of Kirsty and my own common sense and told her I was feeling rotten and that I had thrown up five times already and I was worried that I would throw up in bed (eww...).

She and Jun, the other house mate of ours, talked to me for a bit, before determining that I was quite sober and that I probably won't throw up while asleep. Nevertheless, Tash still lined my bin with a big black bin liner just in case.

I woke up the next morning, not really with a hangover, just with a sense that my brain was a little tight for my head. I went back to sleep. Woke up properly at 11am something feeling relatively fine and not a trace of the malingering effects of a hangover that people moan about.

* * *

Not surprisingly for me, I don't go red when I drink. It's an interesting non-effect that I have been told about tho I've never had access to a properly lit mirror to check. Chern, on the other hand, goes flush-red at the first drop of wine and Hui Lynn gets all splotchy all over. Kirsty has a good alco-tolerance so I can't tell with her yet.

* * *

Yesterday, the Boy told me that his camera was stolen from his bag while he was playing football.

It's quite a WTF?! moment as his camera is just a year old and he quite needs it, otherwise wha'ts the point in taking a year out in France if you're not going to document it with photos. Memories are all well and good, but you need photos.

So I crash landed on Amazon UK and tried to figure out if I could chip in to get him a new camera. The newer Canon Ixus 95 was on promotion so I rang him up in France and told him about that. I'm chipping in about 50 pounds as his Christmas present. And it comes with a free camera case - which he (says) he needs. Well, he splashed out on a nice one last time so I might as well find him one with a case thrown in free. It's quite a good deal.

I've sent off for it to be sent to his residence in France and it should be there by the end of the wek, tho with the French postal service, no one knows.

I have to send off the 2GB Memory card that he bought for me the last time.

* * *

Talking about posting things, I have to mail off the package that I have prepared for my parents for their anniversary and Dad's birthday! It's very belated but better than nothing! And I think they will like it :)

* * *

Placement week now. Monday off. Tuesday to Pontypridd, Wednesday to Merthyr Tydvil following a District Judge and Thursday and Friday chambering with a Cardiff Chambers. Yay! So excited :)

Oops I missed class

I overslept this morning. I had a 10am class. Almost unheard of to have a class start after 9am. Today was supposed to be a good day.

But I overslept. I set my alarm for 8.55, then reset it for 9.10. But i didn't I thought I did, but I didn't. And now I'm trying desperately to find an alternative Small Group Session to attend. If not, then I'll just go to the library tonight and make up the work anyway. AND I have to prep for Advocacy tomorrow. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

The Boy sent a message after reading the last post. Pity shitty situation but what can I do eh? Thanks Le Garçon.

London "Weekend"

Inner Temple had their Introductory Weekend for Out of London Students this last Friday and Saturday. The normal stuff really. Friday in Dark Suits and formal stuff - Saturday we had a drama thing by LAMDA. Good fun jumping around and breathing and things. I didn't take my camera. Cos i forgot. Sorry.

Stayed at Lea's place! Bless her! Less than 2 days in London and she lets me crash at her place for a night. What would I do without ya Lea?

Interestingly, on Friday I almost missed my bus to London. Then I was almost late for the Inner Temple Registration and things on Friday. Running from Temple Tube Station Aunt Flo decided to come visit. Interesting run indeed. Good thing I was well prepared. Although not so prepared for the heels that I would have to wear all night. Ouchies. But I've been thru worse.

So I got back to Cardiff on Saturday. Almost missed my bus back from London too. I have got to break this crap habit. But I am so not a morning person... sigh.

I've got Opinion Writing to do for Monday so I have to get cracking on that ASAP. MSSCF Welcoming and Hari Raya Dinner on tomorrow evening but I doubt I'll have the time to go. Work first! When I have the time, I'll do as much work as I can, then stone out a little. I can't enjoy free time any more - it's a shame really.

* * *

I also properly realised how much my parents have to sacrifice for me to be here. Not only them, my aunt's been immensely generous in helping us out. I don't know how much, I can't say that I know how much anyway, but the fact that she's helping speaks volumes.

Things being as they are, and me realising the full weight of my burden to succeed, as it were, I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Unless I win some free all-expense-paid trips to anywhere, it's going to be Cardiff Autumn, Winter, Spring. Maybe Malaysia Summer.

I feel completely at a loss of what to do, but at least it's not like I have a choice in the matter. I hope I don't sound resentful, I just feel like the kid who has to stand at the other side of the fence while the other kids ride the roller-coaster.

Forgive us our sins

I didn't go to Church like I was supposed to, even if I have had a hard week and an hour in church would have done me some good. Instead, I bummed around at home, did a bit of work and watched QI and Whose Line like a maniac.

To be fair, I was talking to my best friend so in light of that I think I should be granted a reprieve. Maybe I'll go to Mass on Wednesday at the University Chaplaincy. It’s a thought. I don’t make excuses for not going to church for others; I really make them for myself. I know I should go, and I should have gone – but it didn’t. *guilt*

* * *

I think I might have to take up a part-time job or something. The bills are coming in and they are shocking! I’m starting to truly realise how hard it is to keep a house. I’m horrified at the amounts…

I’m thinking: the money that TK is paying for rent should be able to cover the bills for this month. I don’t know what Tash will say but I hope she understands. I didn’t take into account how expensive the electricity is. Yikes…

* * *

I called The Boy today, after I exercised a great deal of self control and didn’t call him at all yesterday (there’s a feat to be proud of)!

I don’t know whether is because we’ve been together for a while or the fact that we’re no longer in the same time zone but he’s become a lot more vocal about his feelings and things. I’m leaning towards the latter reason but whatever it is, I like it :D

It sucks that he doesn’t have internet yet – hopefully he will by the end of the month – but skype is keeping us in touch and alright on the relationship front. It’s a bit like an addictive drug, you need your fixes once in a while.

I will admit to fits of jealousy and paranoia but what girlfriend doesn’t have them when their Boy is in a different country and not picking up his phone for 2 days? I don’t want to justify mad crazy girlfriends but I don’t do anything until I can talk to him. He should have his reasons. Then I calmly ask. Then I get angry. I think at that point I have the right to get angry – but it doesn’t last. You need to blow off steam and frustration occasionally.

* * *

We had English “class” last week. My spelling is atrocious. I do rely heavily on spell check I admit but mostly because I can’t touch type and I generally know what letters go where. I hope that I don’t get selected to sit for more English classes. More than anything, I don’t think I could stand the shame…

Oh the vanity!

I love my hair. Whatever I have left of it, I love it.

It's quite long now - about down to my shoulder blades. I went to Vidal Sassoon the other day to make an appointment, armed with my Term 1 timetable, but they didn't havent any student cuts available for 2 months! So I think I'll take it as a challenge and see how long I can keep my hair long till i get fed up with it and chop it off.

Which leads me to my search for hair straighteners. Why hair straighteners? I hear you ask to your computer screen, you mad person. Well since your computer cannot respond appropriately, allow me to answer.

I am well aware that I have relatively straight hair, save for the unavoidable flick at the end where it's a bit dry and unruly. I don't want the straighteners to straighten my hair, I want to use them to curl my hair.

But why not just get curling irons then? Because I don't like the way they operate. They are hot all over and rely on the user to have eyes in the back of their head. I'm not that coordinated when I can't see what's going on, and will and have burned myself before (nothing serious, don't worry). If you read a few months back to about May when I posted pictures of me playing with my hair inbetween studying, all the curls were done using a straightener. I like the method - it's safe and easy for me. Less chance of me melting my ears off with straighteners.

I've found some promising buys on ebay but I don't know if I should take the plunge and buy them yet. If I buy it now, I'm more likely to use them while my hair is very long and "curlable". If I wait longer, I might get fed up with my hair and chop it off, or at least trim it and then the curls won't hang loose anymore.

All in all I don't have the money to spend I don't think. I can't be sure anymore cos my parents dropped a whole lump sum into my savings account and I don't know how much I should spend and save for a month. I haven't done my yearly budget yet. tsk tsk

Flicker of hope

I wasn't going to write anything cos nothing fabulous has happened but it has been a marked improvement on the day before.

Heck any improvement would be a marked improvement from yesterday.

The bank has lowered the overdraft fee to £15 so at least there's some possibility of him paying it on time. Whoo!

The other account holder has paid in about half of what he owes or is going to owe so at least the account is no longer in Debt. No more big D next to the account balance! Whooo!

The BVC bunch were supposed to head out to Oceana tonight but I don't think I'll be going since I have to rely on Jules cos I don't have my passport with me and I have no phone credit. Ah well. A peaceful night in.

I also took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. 5pm to 7.30. Totally Awesome. It makes up for the one and a half hours of sleep that I missed cos the time on my phone was off. I have to get to bed before 12am these days. I'm starting to worry that my panda eyes are permanent.

* * *

I've been part of a contact lens trial for about a month now. They are rigid gas permeable lenses and they are quite good, except when you get something in your eye - then it hurts like a glowing hot poker. It takes some getting used to but I haven't worn them in a while cos of the wind and it's tendency to whick little bits of dirt and aim them straight into my eye. Too bad - cos they are actually better and more hygenic than the soft lenses. And you can keep the same pair for up to a year! Very nice indeed.

Magma

I want to cry.

But that would serve no useful purpose cept dehydrating me.

I want to punch something.

But I'd only crush my knucles and make a bloody mess.

I want to scream.

But I'd like to keep whatever shred of dignity I have left.

I want to throw up.

But I hate the feeling.

I want to cry.

But I won't.

Crummiest Day

Today has possibly been the crummiest day.

Got a letter from the bank saying that the account is going to be charged £25 overdraft fees for an overdraft that was caused by the other account holder - who doesn't seem to be giving a shit.

Yesterday the guy that was supposed to rent the room that is available in my flat decided not to because he doesn't have a UK guarantor - and the girl that really wanted the room hasn't called me back even tho she said she would.

I called The Boy on skype and he didn't pick up - twice.

Any one of these things would have made my day bad but bearable. All three in one day, all occurring in less than 1 hour of each other has got to be a new record.

I can't be bothered anymore to think of the reasons why or justify them, no matter how rational or logical. The fact that they have happened is bad enough and I am too tired to think of all the optimistic, positive reasons. They have happened, and they suck. Life goes on.

Today is officially a Fk-It Day.

Supposed to be reading...

At the moment my favourite hobby is thinking up romantic, poetic things to send thru sms to The Boy in France. Inspiration comes in many shapes and forms. To list a few:

• a WH Auden poetry quote
• A Savage Garden song

I'm trying to keep them few and far between so as to keep them special and rare if you like. It's tempting to spend the whole day just coming up with some really handkerchief-soaking gems but I've set a 2-a-day limit which serves the above purpose as well as making sure I don't get too carried away and distracted from what work I have to do for class. Tomorrow! Gasps!

Suggestions are more than welcome tho my personal tastes are non-cheesy yet romantically inclined. The whole "Roses are red, violets are blue..." is tres cliche unless it's got a cute kick at the end.

* * *

I've always claimed to be a soft ol' romantic at heart and I like that I can stretch those poetry-loving heart-strings of mine. Bravo to France!

* * *

It was The Boy's birthday yesterday! I called him a couple of times as is appropriate for The Girl to do when it is The Boy's birthday and they are not in the same country but both do not have Skype. Unfortunately, Tottenham were playing United at White Hart Lane yesterday too so against my life-long loyalties and as a sign of affection, I traded loyalties for a few days as a present. Granted, United won 3-1 (of course) but I must say that Spurs are looking well on form and could possibly break into the top 4 this year, if not at least finish in the top 6.

The Boy mentioned that I was the only one to call him that day. Of course. I'm the only one that has his number. Silly. His fb wall was littered with loads of well-wishers but I always consider fb birthday wishes to be a little superficial. The fb wall is a bit whoreish - it takes whatever it can get and it doesn't care how many. I hope I don't sound jealous or envious. I should mention that I take the same attitude to birthday greetings on my own page.

I posted The Boy's present a few days ago but he didn't get it on time. Boo! I hope it at least arrives by tomorrow. I hope it at least gets to him. I don't want to think about if it got lost in the mail (!). I may well cry. So since he hasn't gotten it yet, I can't reveal what it is but I do hope he likes it.

Week 1, dusted and done.

Well the first week is over. Granted that it was only two days but a very hectic deep-end-of-the-pool two days it was. I’m glad the weekend is here and I finally have some time to chill out and relax and sort out what I have to do for the next week. I’m determined to not mess about like I did last year.

In a way I’m sort of glad / relieved that The Boy isn’t an hour's train ride away any more. The temptation isn’t as great when I know I don’t have the money to fly to France every month – even if I wanted to. Keeps my mind here in Cardiff and focused! At least until I start thinking about Winter Hols hehe…

* * *

Today in class I will admit that I suffered from a severe case of green-eye. Meaning that I saw someone who I wished I was – or rather, I wished I could be. It’s more to do with achievements and lifestyle than actual personality or looks. Once the realisation kicked in it was “batten down the hatches. This is totally wrong”. Envy is one of the less common sins but when it rears up its really awful how you feel once you know you’ve hit up on it. Church on Sunday! Repentance!

* * *

A bit of self praise now – I feel quite proud of myself for dragging my butt down to the Legal Practice Library to do the work in prep for Monday. The LPL will be closed on Sunday so I figured I’d go down today to get ahead of the “crowd” which I assume will be descending tomorrow. I could well be wrong tho – the LPL was deserted when I was there at 5pm…

Monday’s work is done. If I get up before noon tomorrow I might head there again and try and finish up to Wednesday’s work. Then I have Sunday to do churchy things and rehearse the 3-5 minute speech that I have to prepare for Advocacy 1 on Monday. Apparently we get RECORDED. Yipes!

The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

Just had my first day of BVC. Tiring. Stressful. But hopeful.

The Boy is in France learning French and doing his dissertation in Mediterranian weather. I miss him like anything but it helps to know that he misses me just as much. It's a small but powerful comfort.

His birthday is on Saturday and since I can't be with him I'm trying to do as much as I can from here. Which includes trading in my loyalties, at least temporarily. It hurts but it's for a good cause.

The BVC is a killer course. Not for the faint of heart. I can do it. I WILL make it thru. I HAVE to FOCUS and work HARD. Damn.

I bought a bag load of Tesco microwave rubbish. It'll be my sustainence for the next few days - with sporadic wholemal sandwiches and other foods inbetween, but mostly Tesco Value crap. It's like exam season all over again.

The Boy has no internet. Yet. Which sucks. Skype is doing it's job but it's quite expensive. Have to make the most of it tho. At least it's something.

Reminder: Write letters to Gih Jhen and Aunty Eve.

Summer Holidays are officially over like I said. But the weather has made up for the lost leisure time so I can't complain too much.

Buried

Azzy wants to stay till the end of October but I don’t think we can rent out the room if that’s the case. If you wanted to rent a room for Uni you would want to start from the End of September and at least October.

I guess there are only 2 options, but to me, there’s only one. Azzy will essentially be kicked out of the house (not really, she can still stay, just not in that room) and that’s not going to sit too well with her. I really don’t like making other people unhappy, especially those who have been nothing but nice to me but unless she can guarantee someone taking over then room come the end of October, I don’t see what choice I have. I hope Tash feels the same way – there’s no other alternative as far as I can see. I’d rather not risk having to pay for an empty room for 8 months just to spare someone’s feelings.

I did tell her that it might come to that and she didn’t sound too happy. I wouldn’t either but I have to cover my own ass first before I can consider hurt feelings. I wouldn’t want to be in her place. Then again, I know she wouldn’t want to be in my shoes either.

* * *

The crimson tide hath cometh. And I am tremendously relieved. Even though I know my cycles pretty well and it’s been pretty regular these past few months, the long cycles tend either be rigid to schedule or deviate dramatically. These past 40 days has been one of the dramatic ones. It doesn’t help that it comes on the eve of the day I have to travel to Swansea before travelling to London but you can’t fight Mother Nature. Just one of the many things I have to take in my stride this time round. I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about scaring myself and thinking about the "what ifs”. Its TERRIFYING and I pray that the scare never becomes real. Just thinking about it makes me want to explode and implode at the same time. I hate telling anyone if I’m scared because it’s so stupid and it’s all my fault anyway nad I should know better. And it’s not something you can just tell anyone.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, pray you never will.

* * *

Its been a rough few days I guess. The internet is sporadic at the moment – more down than up but it’s all part of life isn’t it. Go with the flow. If you fight it, you won’t get anywhere and all you’ll have is more white hair and less time to enjoy the things that are worth thinking about. Tho I must admit, it’s been difficult to count my blessings lately. Have to really dig through the muck to find the stuff that makes it all worth while. And it’s worth doing. Otherwise you forget and then you won’t have anything worth living for.

Blessings counted:

1. Parents
2. The Boy
3. Family (extended)
4. Get to go to France
5. Lucky to study in the UK
6. Nice big room to myself
7. People who care about me
8. Food to eat
9. Comfortable place to live
10. Clean running water
11. Electricity
12. Hot water
13. Clothes to wear

There is no point moaning about things that have gone wrong lately. Yeah it sucks but things going wrong are better than nothing going on at all. In a sense that, yes, my house mate has walked out but at least I have a house, friends, people that care. The silver lining is always there if you care to look for one – and it’s not that hard to find. Seeing the silver lining does not mean that you’re naive or ignorant, it’s optimistic focusing. Channelling positive energy and all that.

Personally, I don’t want to think about all the things that have made my last few days quite a shit hole but I’ve done what I can and tomorrow will be better if I leave the problems that I can’t fix behind.

Still. It doesn't stop me feeling all crap. I'll get over it.

Miserable miserable MISERABLE f-ing day.

And it started out so well. The BT guy came over and sorted out the phone line. It was a lighting strike at the phone interchange so everything's fixed now. And now I have my internet back!

Then I got a message from Haeks saying that he’s NOT coming back to Cardiff this year, he’s going to ABERDEEN for placement. Great timing… So now I have to deal with having to find a NEW housemate as soon as possible so that Tash and I don’t get stuck with having to pay for Haek’s room ourselves. Selfish bastard. He’s been behind on rent payments and now this. I have to pay all the summer bills myself which is fair because I’m here but it’s still a lot of money I’ve spent in total to pay for Sky and the electricity and gas.

I don’t need this kind of shit so close to my course starting.

I want to be able to go to France and not have to worry about coming back to this crap situation. There’s not much I can do that I haven’t already done. I’ve told Tash. I’ve contacted the MSSCF to ask them to let people know that I have a room to rent but nothing confirmed yet of course. I hope things will work out. But till then: FML.

Viva la BVC

The Boy is heading off to France to learn French. Very soon. A little too soon but what can I do eh? Quite happy for him to frolic around in Gaul while I slave away in Cardiff. At least there’s something for me to do. That’s my Achilles’ heel – boredom. It kills me.

I have to start brushing up on my French now. Out of competitiveness than anything I must admit. I do miss learning French but the classes at Alliance Francais were crap and I didn’t have any motivation to really listen and learn. I figure I should take this as a boost to actually properly learn French.

I wanted to take the Summer French course in the Lifelong Learning Centre in June but I wasn’t in Cardiff at the time. Bugger.

Audio Tapes? E-books? I don’t think I’ll have time for an actual French course tho. BVC is a time killer.

* * *

Kenneth T had a BBQ today. Really nice food – Moroccan lamb steaks and fat sausage hot dogs and chicken wings. I’m suffering Pre-M Bloat so I wasn’t feeling my… best, but the food was scrumptious. Unfortunately the weather didn’t agree and it was incontinent rain clouds all evening. Bummer. Compounded by the fact that I was the only girl there and it was Kenneth’s group of friends. Not that I’m intentionally anti-social but as they’re all smokers, and I’m not and it was cold out, I’d rather not inhale any more second-hand smoke than I already have thanks to a certain someone. I wonder what my chest x-ray would look like now.

* * *

Azzy is staying in Tash’s room for the time being. That part’s alright but it’s confusing about her Boy being round. Cos he’s not really her Boy, well, he thinks he is again but he isn’t and she can’t be bothered to tell him or something. I don’t really understand it. She’s stressed enough with resits coming up on the 7th so good luck!

I have to say I love listening to gossip and drama and all that but I dread (and avoid) gossip and drama ‘bout meself. Its so high school and I’ve had enough of that thank you!

* * *

BVC Enrolment is on the 10th of September. Jeepers! I can’t wait to start. I’m such a nerd for school starting. It’s so new and fresh and anything could happen! I know I’ve been saying that I hate being bored but I hope that I don’t get too stressed. I can’t sleep if I get too stressed.

Happy Merdeka and Bank Holiday Monday to my few and far between readers! Sleep like a bee in a rose and grow like a booger in a nose. Toodles!

Summer's Over

I have less than 30 seconds to write this. I am quite annoyed.

I don't know why I'm even here sometimes.