Motorised rocking chairs - going nowhere fast

A couple weeks back I had an epiphany. Well not exactly an epiphany, but more like a weird realisation of sorts.

Situation: Shopping around in 1 Utama
What For: no idea
With: Parents

Yeah, so now you know what I was dealing with: extreme boredom, tiredness (cos I had been walking ard for 3 fking hours), freezing legs (I was wearing a skirt pardon moi) and blisters (@#$@#$%# shoes). Well, NOW you know.

SO, in a brief moment of instant aging, my parents popped into the stupid OSIM shoplot on right side of the walkway (I remember this distinctly). Why, you ask? Beats the hell outta me. I asked and all I got was "Shhh we're talking". Right, so the lifetime I've had of "be assertive", "Speak your mind" has all been washed down the proverbial drain with "Shhhh, grown-ups are talking". Well, thats nice...

For those of you who have had the fortune to stay out of those upscale whorehouses, what they sell are physical 'gratification' machines. Stupid "i'm-going-to-rip-you-off-and-make-you-feel-good-about-it" company. (OK fine, massage chairs)


But cmon! Look at the goddamn website!

Well, yeah I mean, they are pretty cool for the first 10 minutes of so when you can bully the attendents (and they are pretty attentive - unlike the assholes in some fancy restaurants) and relax a little. But after about the 11th minute, I realised that "shit, my parents might actually buy something..."

So while the money-grubbing slaves were licking my father's feet in the hope of leeching 5K for a dumb moving chair, I explored the shop, hoping to cause as much chaos as possible (teeheehee).

What I discovered:

This is preferable to a face mask? Yeah, imagine how attractive this would be if you found it lying around... Green gloop a la carte? Anyone?


Called the "Tappie".
OK, minus marks for the most boring and childish name ever. Plus, on the website, it says it's 'portable'. I fear that we are approching an age where the best things are moveable at will. I am afraid that instant electronic massages are in danger of being an everyday occurance. They say that necessity is the mother of invention. What desperate need does this thing actually fulfil?

There was another little gadjet in the shop - some eye massager thing. Tried it on for fun. Apparently, it had different settings: wave, pulse and wave/pulse. The first thing I noticed was that when I put it on, There were little eye holes so i could SEE while i was wearing it (possibly to enable the wearer to observe the rententive looks on the people looking at them). But what is the purpose of being able to see out of that thing? Are you planning of doing housework while wearing that monstrosity? Good grief; if you can afford the electronic face fucker-up, u can sure as hell afford a maid. Get a grip ppl!

Well as this saga concludes, my parents DID actually buy a chair. This one:

Now isn't that a rocking chair waiting to happen?

Five fucking K down the drain.

AND what's fucking more, the chair is designed by the moronic people in the WEST, so what happens is the "shoulder" massage turns into a migraine waiting to happen (get my drift). Not just because I'm short, but the "shoulder area" is aprroximately 3 feet from the ass area. Now measure that against your own body and figure it out yourself.

So what was the epiphany I encountered (refering back to the first para)?

Don't EVER go into a "relaxation" shop with the oldies. It'll only lead to the inevitable - them getting older and you having to work for a living (which i hear sucks shit, btw) and supporting them on your meagre income