That time of the month again...

On the most part being a girl is pretty cool. We get to wear pretty clothes and get all stupid with our friends. None of that macho-testosteone-driven competitiveness and trash talk. We have a huge variety of clothes to chose from and can usually talk/flirt our way out of trouble. We probably have a wider selection of friends too. I mean, we can have cool gay guy friends. I doubt a girl who was a lesbian would hang out with a bunch of guys (I say a bunch on purpose) coz they'd just all get drunk and make her make out with someone (I've seen it happen).

Yeah so there are down sides too. Girls are bitchier. Girls are noisier. Blah blah blah. Yeah what ever. We have to deal with so much more shit than guys. I can't even start to complain. We have a higher threshold for pain believe it or not (try giving BIRTH fellas) so by the graciousness of the Lord above, He decided to give us pain. Guys get masturbation; girls get MENSTRUATION*. I dont think that's fair...

If you think having blood leak out from you is SO easy, take note:

Period Cramps

The shittiest bitchcrap you will EVER recieve. But they vary. Sometimes your internal organ just throbs and aches like a fat kid is jumping up and down on your spleen all day; or it hurts like a mothafker like you've just been STABBED the blunt end of a baseball bat.



I have no FRICKING idea why we get period cramps. Something about the uterus contraction or whatever, I think. Whatever it is, curling up into a tiny little ball helps a lot and God help the guy who tries to move me.

Horniness

Ah, the sex drive. I don't know whether this particular effect has been documented but because of the hormone changes in a woman's body, she get's horny. The urge to procreate is hard to ignore and the unfortunate few who do jump into one-night-stands end up regretting it after the hormones have passed and found out they did it with an ugly fat bastard.

PMS



I never know whether it's Pre- or Post- but it could well be present becasue PMS is here to stay and it ain't gonna be pretty. When its before your period, its like a little trigger in your head telling you "Go on, be a bitch! It's OK..." And you listen tho you know its _wrong. For me personally, when I feel the bitch-trigger go off I know wits about that time of the month.
Research states that women who socialise together, often trigger a hormonal reaction that syncronises the mentrual cycle
Apparently, it's supposed to be an evolution ary thing so the women all have babies at the same time etc. In this day and age, it just means a gang of easily irritable females waiting to rip your head off.

Bloating

I hate feeling fat. Everyone hates feeling fat. Even skinny people hate feeling fat, even though, bless their precious gag reflex, they aren't. But it's just a feeling and nothing a deep breath and a mirror won't cure.
Not during "that time", though. Ohhhh no. Not only do you ache and writhe in pain and scream at random people in the corridor, you BLOAT. Damn stupid water retention is a fact of life but it kicks into overdrive thanks to our lovely friends, the hormones.
And you CAN'T suck in your bloated belly anyway; because you have $@%^#$%&#^%$&@$%^@#%$^@$#^ period cramps.

Tampons and Pads



Ain't your ordinary favourite things. Dealing with the side effects is one thing. Having to maintain your dignity is another. I've heard horrendously embarassing stories about stains and carpets/chairs/family dinners. If you're not prepared for it, you can be caught seriously off guard and it's waaay more embarassing than getting caught with your pants down. Stains aren't that easily rectified.

Jamming a small wad of cotton into a private orfice isn't pretty OR painless either (yeah I know I'm being all gross about this but we have to get into the "comfort zone" about this [spoof Oprah]. Puh-lease, if you can't deal, you'll never learn and this is valuble insight into female problems which means you'll be a more sensitive and caring person for it. There are only a few more paragraphs.) Its pretty gross as the end result too. All I can say is, you can't really be "Carefree" when you're wearing a small adult diaper or an enlarged cotton bud.

So saying that you are prepared, and everything is more or less sanitary and clean, there's till the issue of disposing the bloody thing and I don't know whether if it's just me or Malaysia but in MY world, you fold the pad and wrap it up BEFORE thrinking it into the sanitary bin. Why? Because, a) It prevents the blood from your uterus that was caught in a cotton mini-diaper, from touching the bin, and b) BECAUSE ANY IDIOT IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU FOLD IT STICKY SIDE OUT AND THEN THROW IT, ITS GOING TO STICK. And that causes jamming and then it gets gross, and then people get PISSED OFF. So use your brain next time.

SO yeah, being a woman is great the other 25 days of the month. And God is great and almighty(please don't smite me) but he is, as one actor read from a lame script,
Just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. And we're the ants.

I suppose it's all fair. Being the superior sex is nothing without a little pain and sacrifice. And I already sacrifice enough time and effort just putting up with the ignorant on a daily basis.

*For those of you who don't know what mentruation is, it's once a month when blood leaks out from a woman because its all part of the great design and if you finished high school you should know this by now. If you're a guy, you ought to know, if you're a girl, you will. Oh, you WILL...