Part of me just wants to not think about it and the other part needs to cry out and go “WHY?”
So no comments please, not on this post or any others (no comment-jumping).
This post is about porn so if you’re not really up to stomach it, I’m warning you now.
The story starts quite simply enough.
Question: If a guy gives you porn, and you watch it, does that make you an idiot? Because you did what he wanted?
I mean, if the only reason you watched it was cos he sed “Watch it.” For, um, educational purposes. And yeah he is rather a sex-mad nut but anyway, whatever.
And it’s not really about the porn, or the fact that he put in on my computer. It’s just a video file and if any of you have never watched porn, I suggest you should. It’s rather like watching a person jump off a building – there’s some morbid fascination with it – cept with porn the fascination isn’t morbid, it’s something else. I don’t know the word for it.
You get to thinking, especially if you’ve never done it before, “wow, is it really as fun as it looks?” and good porn people will make it look fun. If it looks like it hurts, then they aren’t really selling the sex, are they?
Well the issue here with me is…
Bloody hell. I’m no way gonna be that good at it. Not at first anyway. And I don’t think I can live up to that video. I mean, she’s a pro (the woman in the vid). Damn.
This coming from a girl who’s never done it, and is dating a guy who has SO done it before. So basically there are issues of “I’m so not gonna live up to expectations/standards”.
And right now I’m envying those ppl in relationships where you don’t have to deal with shit like this. It really screws with your head.
So yes, this is something I have to talk with him post-Wednesday. This is slightly more a sensitive thing so this is definitely a post-exam thing.
I accidentally let slip about the thing I was sppsed to hold on to (ala prev post topic) yesterday and he was ok, if rather cocky, about it. Ah well, as long as he knows, and he turned it into a sweet kinda thing. Don’t really rmbr what he said, but it was a rather surprising turn of events. Anyway, that’s over with. And now there’s the new thing. Always something to discuss! Whee!
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With all this in-head drama, I forget that I have a life outside this Boy and all the issues.
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I’m playing netball for SFX! Every Saturday at 8am is practice at the Catholic High School. It’s fun! Like omg, middle aged people play! And there are a few teenagers but the older women take charge. And it’s slightly frustrating – they hardly know the rules! I felt like pulling my hair out after practice. I mean: obstruction, contact, footwork – the three basic rules of netball! And they only knew some of the infringements. Sigh. Well, I didn’t say anything last week cos it was my first time there, but I hope that they get the whole rule thing together soon.
The PJ District Games are in June so they are practicing for that. So yay! Netball! More netball!
Always enjoy an opportunity to run amok.
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Exams are nearing! First week of May. Oh joy. Wish me luck! And hope I don’t get sick! Or in a fight! Or something like that!
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Is the book “Crime and Punishment” good? I bought it in MPH for RM8.50. The blurb sounds interesting but I haven’t had a chance to sit down and absorb it’s greatness yet.
SO looking forward to post-exam FUN.
Speaking of which, here are a list of things I wanna do post-exams:
- Lots of hanging out with my Boy
- Lots of hanging out with friends
- Clubbing (pref with my Boy)
- Go to Shaun’s estate!
- Go on a non-parent holiday (also pref with my Boy or friends) – like to a beach or something
- Read Crime and Punishment
- Finally go to Sunway Lagoon again
And for those of you assholes who like bugging me about getting my license (my Boy included), even if I did have my license, I wouldn’t have a car to drive anyway. We only have one car and my parents use it. That’s my story; I’m sticking with it – so STOP ASKING.
