Happy Crappy Day

Right so there is a sudden influx of horrible mixed emotions which I just can’t deal with.

I am HAPPY cos I passed all my modules and don’t have to go back to Cardiff to resit which means I get to spend until September with The Boy who is flying back after his Graduation.

I am fking BUMMED OUT cos The Boy got a Third Class which means that he can’t do Masters OR BVC and is going to do the CLP in KL which means that after I go to Cardiff I won’t see him for 2 years cos I won’t be flying back to KL until after the Bar.

I am STUBBORN cos I know if I ask any of my friends (and by any, I mean ALL) what to do they will be like: “I might not work in the long run/you haven’t had enough time together/etc etc” and the end result would be complete and utter relationship failure. So I refuse to tell them my situation and have to deal with the same advice being spouted from different people.

I am CONFUSED and TORN between wanting to make it work cos I like him so much and cutting my losses and forgoing a painful break-up in the future. Which sounds better to you? Ending it now on the presumption that I might get hurt (some may consider this a definite result anyway) or Keep sticking by it and seeing where it ends up – sad break-up scenario now avoided.

I am tempted to recall the few long distance relationships that a couple of my friends are in but they are only relevant to the point where it’s long distance. And how can expect him to juggle the time difference AND do his course well – it’s just not fair on him.

I suppose it’s pretty clear where I stand on this issue. If it were anyone else but me, I have a slight inkling of what I would say:

do what you feel is best for you. Be aware of what you’re risking but if you’re sure that it’s worth the risk, go for it.

I hate giving up. I’m no quitter. I’m an eternal optimist and I believe there is real potential in everyone – unless they demonstrate otherwise. LDRs can be done. They can. I have seen the proof. But yes, I know everyone is different and it’s not like relationships are without their difficulties but this just seems: 1) very difficult given the timing and distance (and freaking time difference) and 2) extremely déjà vu.

I feel like a sucker for punishment.

That being said, and after rambling on about justifying my reasons and being balanced about the whole thing, there is one selfish request I will allow myself to ask of him, but only once.

INTERNATIONAL GRADUATE SCHEME. It’s just one more year! And it’ll look freaking ace on your CV!

There. I’ve said my peace. And if you wanna know more about the IGS thing puhlease don’t hesitate to ask! Working at the Careers Service has its perks (Come on! I could SO hook you up!).

Edit: I don't blame The Boy for anything. It's just something we have to deal with.

Edit: I have talked to Lea and I feel a lot better. She says we can commiserate together!