I want HUGS

ARGH

I dunno why I've been so stressed lately.

Things to do:

• Pack (for storage)
  
• Pack (for going back)
• Spend time with the Boy
• Chill the fk out

Doesn't seem like a lot of things on the list but they are damn hard to tick off. I haven't packed anything yet cept winter clothes. There are so many things I have to get before i pack as well, like my rucksack from Saiful.

And I would greatly love to spend every second with the Boy just lazing around doing nothing. As long as I have nothing to do. Which is not till like next week.

I want to chill out as well, by myself or otherwise but I just haven't had the time to spend with myself. This chilling out time would preferably be spent whilst The Boy is actually busy doing something else - which means I have no option but to not be with him.

Good grief, do I sound clingy or what?

This is me being in typical girlfriend mode.
Enduring motto applies: if I don't say it, it's not true. But dammit, I'm going to say it.

I wanna hang around him like all the time. Doing whatever menial whatever. Sounds desperately clingy no? Well, fk you then. I mean it sucks that I sound like I've taken a step backwards from being independently super single and self-sufficient. This is different I reckon, I still do the stuff I wanna do, just with an extra pair of legs, hands, ears and lips. Other body parts are there too fyi.

I just enjoy the company. Like, really enjoy it.

Is it wrong that I wanna jump on him and smother him with smooches? Yeah, I'm that kinda gal.
And what with the impending time that I have to fly off looming, I just wanna hang on to him and not let him outta my sight. I think accumulatively, that gives me the right to feel a little clingy, no?

* * *

Also, I've figured out why I dislike the "girlfriend" label so much. It separates the personality from the person. Instead of being "Sara, a cool girl who is fun to hang around with" it becomes "The Girlfriend, sucker of souls and trying to steal our friend from us." Having a girlfriend changes people in a way, priorities change, but the people shouldn't, and neither should how you think of them.

I suffer from Girlfriend complex. The belief that one must act in a different way because they are in a relationship. Which is why I've tried to stay away from labels for this time being. Now it's kinda stuck and I've accepted it, I just have to fight the complex. The clingyness, the not wanting to let go - part in parcel of being insecure, thank you very much.

I have a remedy for this:

"I trust this one." Repeat.

* * *

You know, I wasn't expecting this, but I actually believe it. And I do feel a whole shitload better.