Short-lived, doesn't-really-count kinda thing

I think we had our first fight. Hard to tell cos it didn’t really last that long. Well, there was a long spell of silence on both our parts but he was a bit sore the whole thing.

It’s kinda like a three part miniseries. There were the offending words and the subsequent silence, the attempted reconciliation, then the make up bit.

The offending words were some small joking phrases that I said to him that really hit a nerve. He’s told me before that it really annoyed him, but I guess I forgot. To be honest, I really can’t see the big deal about it. He takes it as if I mean every word with malice and that I look at him in that way. And I don’t, I’m joking. Totally joking. I mean, for those of you who know me, I’m like a total goof, right? He can’t tell when I’m joking and when I’m serious – which is a big problem.

Anyway, the ensuing silence was uncomfortable to say the least. You all know how uncomfortable silences are like. And it’s worse when you don’t know the person well enough to know what they are likely to do and when you care what that person thinks.

I tried to reason without sounding too defensive, but I think I ended up sounding defensive anyway. Well I don’t know if my entreaties worked, but things seem patched up thanks to the next bit…

The make up bit is the usual – how you get guys to forgive you. And at this point I’m feeling pretty shitty so I’m really not up for anything. And he’s the one trying to start it. So I know it’s my fault and I know I have yet to apologise for goodness-knows-what I’ve done. I still don’t think it’s that serious.

Anyway, note to self: don’t ever insinuate, jokingly or otherwise, that he is a horny, sex-crazed pervert who is out to rape me.

Triumph 1 - Disasters 0

I am no longer afraid. Mwahaha. And I have found out that I am quite addictive. Cool…

I did it! I so totally did it! Minor triumph – but I’m so relieved. It’s not what it sounds like, really – I’m not that horny.

Anyway, after the triumph comes a bit of sad news. I have been told that I can’t tell all this stuff that I’ve been telling to you, to you. If that makes sense…

Anyway, I’m still gonna blog abt the same stuff, with perhaps a thin filter which will delete the mushy details. It may make me hurl later on, if you get my drift - so perhaps this is all for the best.

Anyway, with that little triumph comes a big sense of power and accomplishment. Turns out I ain’t bad and that I didn’t have to worry that much. Well, I was a little tentative at first but I guess I got the hang of it. I’m a natural! Or something.

I actually have something he wants. Man that feels good. Mwahahaha. I fear I may go megalomaniacal on this. Just revelling in the moment of triumph. It’s a double whammy!

On a side note, when I tell him things, he actually listens! Like omg! Now I feel bad for not listening to him. But not like I told him to change his whole wardrobe or anything personal like that. Like I told him abt the online thing and he just called to say he wasn’t going online, but going out with Marshal cos he just came over. Like he had to “report to me” – his words. Hope he’s not bitter. It’s not that I want a report or anything; I just don’t like ppl – so to speak – lying. When u say you’re gonna do something, and you’re not gonna do it, courtesy says at least inform the person you’re gonna keep waiting. You know, be polite. And I don’t expect a call. An sms will be fine. That’s not being demanding is it? Erk.

Fine, granted I am late sometimes - and he ribs me on that. But I really try not to. And it’s not like he has a reputation of being on time either. Pfft. This is like I’m arguing with myself.

Oh, today, at the football thing, I saw Ainul. Whom he calls Ainot – for whatever reason. She’s been going out with one of his basketball friends so she’s known him for a while. But all good things to say – with some stuff that I already know.

* * *

So far, no crazy outbursts from disgruntled readers so I guess I’m in the clear.

* * *

We may be on the path to wearing matching t-shirts. And that’s creepy. And very weird. And I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I may never forgive myself if I turn into one of those crazy matching-t-shirt couples. Well, the t-shirt I’m talking about is the one I bought yesterday at Cineleisure. The “F.B.I. Faboulous Body Inside” one. I wore it today just to drive him crazy. I bought it cos I keep seeing the one made for guys that says "F.B.I. Female Body Inspector". At least there is one for girls! And I told him about it and he said “hey! I should get that one! blah blah” and I was thinking, um. That’s cute. I guess. I mean, if we wore it unintentionally, then fine. But thinking abt it, I guess it wouldn’t be as painful as I’d imagine. Just weirdly embarrassing. As long as we’re with a bunch of people who don’t think it’s overly mushy – it’s a gag t-shirt; nothing meant in the way of seriousness.

* * *

I fear the past few posts have been overly explicit. Sigh. I’m wondering how to tell him abt law ball. And how to tell him abt friendster and facebook. Which I have just updated. Without telling him. Oops…?

Just do what you say you are going to do

Was: Sad, Bored
Because: Just got home from Cineleisure. Was bored because there was nothing to do. Parents were out. Was watching tv. Man Utd game was on. Score was up to 2-0 (yay!). Then parents were back. Had to eat some take-away chicken rice. Wasn’t as satisfying as I’d thought it was. Man Utd game was getting interesting. Periodically waiting on a call from you-know-who, but then decided to fk it and not bother and watch the game instead.

Was: Happy
Because: He called. We talked abt shit. Went online cos of his damn phone connection. [I’ve just realised an eerie déjà vu]

Now: Pissed, Nonchalant
Because: He’s not online. He’s the one that told me to go online. I had to go online anyway, otherwise I would have forgotten to email Michelle. But still quite aggravated. Just miss-called him. Wonder what the hell he’s doing. I hate it when people don’t do what they say they are gonna do. Going to go offline after I post this, or at 12am, whichever is later. He can kiss my ass (no, not really).

* * *

Man Utd won 4-1! 3 goals by half time. I didn’t watch the second half cos of the phone call (fk), but I still think that to give away 1 goal like that is stupid.

* * *

Anyway, going to watch him play football tmr. Still quite… grrr…

Sigh. Probably won't be by tomorrow tho.

Getting laid... NOT

I don’t know whether I should blog this or not since so many people I know are reading this blog. But I need to get this off my chest so here goes.

I just hope he never finds this blog cos that would spell out HELL for me. Erk.

Go figure but I think I’m too innocent for my own good. Good god, I’m almost 20! I feel like a nun in a brothel. Really. Take for example, yesterday night. First. Hickey. Ever. How sad is that. Actually, I’m relishing the fact that I actually got a hickey so the sad part has yet to hit me.

Anyway, back to the bits that are worryin me…

He is so bloody horny. Like seriously horny. I’m partially flattered and partially a little scared. Flattered cos no one’s tried to get in my pants before. Scared – because no one’s tried to get in my pants before. So it’s safe to say, I’m a little freaked out.

So yeah, I’ve told him to tell me if anything I do is annoying cos I have a tendency not to notice. And one of those things, are my rules. The rules so far (that I’ve blogged out) are fine and harmless. It’s the extra rules that are really starting to annoy him; which are:

• No boys in the house when parents are out
• No you cannot kiss me there.
• You cannot French kiss me after you’ve been smoking – I still have to learn how to French kiss btw
• You cannot touch my ass – even thru jeans

I’ve actually relaxed those rules for other guys (!) but just that I’ve only known him for… a month or so? He’s still new to me. Hehe I’m kinda enjoying frustrating him so much tho. See how long he’s willing to wait – I really should stop with the games…

I’m very protective of myself. That’s true. It’s what he said – and I said that I have to be because no one else is going to be protective of me if I’m not. He said he would! But I said he has no self control – I have proof. He said he does. Should I take his word for it? Maybe I should let him prove that he does. But what if I’m right? Sigh. I should really buy some pepper spray.

Oh, and when I said before that I trust people unconditionally, that means that I trust them… to not screw me over. I don’t trust anyone not to screw me. There’s a difference.

Anyway, not to say that I don’t enjoy making out with him – I do enjoy that. Very much so. But I get to a point where I get so self conscious while making out that I have to stop and I should really get over that. It’s debilitating. I feel bad for him tho. I keep accusing him of being some sex-mad, horny guy. Defence mechanism. Sorry.

My favourite phrase this week is “See how.” It means – in my terms – that there is a possibility that I will [insert verb], but I’m not giving a definite answer. But the outlook is good.

Oh, and another thing he’s annoyed at me for is: the first time he sent me home from netball we took my sunglasses and I snatched them off his head. “Selfish” the word he used. Godd*ammit! I was kidding, you over-sensitive goof! Get over it! If you really want to wear them, you can. I just wanted to get your attention! And I’m sorry if I scratched ur face. Really sorry. But you can be such a big baby sometimes.

So this is what I mean when I say war is so much simpler that this whole… relationship thing. I wont say love even though it may fit the phrase better. He likes and lusts me. HAH. *exxxxxxxxxcellent* (Mr Burns style) and I don’t mean that in its porn context.

I have yet to find a stance on porn. I think I don’t mind. As long as it’s not an addiction its ok? Ok. Not that he's addicted. I hope not. That would be... gross.

He’s noticed that I waaaaay over-think things too much. Don’t let myself go with my heart over my head. Sorry, force of habit. I think I’ll relax more once I get to know you better. But for now, I’m sticking with what I know best. Actually, the last time I let myself go (emotionally, kinda) was with the, um, other one. No names… And that one hurt. So I locked up pretty hard. Lea should know what I’m talking about. Convince me to loosen up! In the immortal words of Shaun: “She needs to get laid.” I’m inclined to agree. Not that I’m actually gonna do it but I agree with the concept. I need to fking relax. And since I don’t smoke, I don’t really have a outlet. Getting laid (metaphorically) – objective 1.

Wow. That is such a weird paragraph to write.

So yes, we have talked about the sex thing. And yes, I’m still a V. Go on, laugh. I don’t care. And I have made up my mind on when: when I’m in love. So he’s got a godd*amn long way to go. Hmm, what are the bases again? Well according to Wikipedia, we’re half way to First base.

Oh. And I just thought of another thing. He doesn’t get me horny. Yet. Well. Yeah, yet. So no chance there buddy. Hah. This it turning out to be such an X-rated post. Oh well. I’m hoping the comments wont be too… “omg Sara, you slut! How can you kiss and tell?!” How can I not? And I don’t see a problem. As long as I don’t go into intimate detail. Right?

Boy Noise: Vol 3 - Happy news! of sorts...

Wow. So we have progressed.

And things are not as bad as I have feared.

I think I’ll describe it in phases. Of increasing physical contact.

Phase 1:

He. Um. Grabbed my hand. And held it. And I didn’t resist. Ah well. That was cute. And all this was at his friends place while the other guys (his friends) were playing Winning Eleven on the PS2 – on the projector screen! Well, it was on the wall but same diff.

He kinda snuggled against it. It was slightly embarrassing at the time and I didn’t think abt it much but… well, you’ll see.

Phase 2:

He was dropping me home. Same night as the above. We’re at the clubhouse of my condo. We just had this, um, discussion about status stuff. And he kisses me on the cheek. Aww, so sweet right?

Phase 3:

This was… a few hours ago, before he dropped me home. I had just (well not just, but it was like a few hours after) finished netball practice and I haven’t had a shower cos I haven’t gone home yet. He’s driving up to my condo. And he asks what time I have to be back. And I say, “Why? I’m almost home already!” and he pulls over to the side of the road like right opposite the condo and leans over and… well, kinda nuzzles my neck. Silly boy didn’t take off his seat belt. Tho I think that was cos he didn’t wanna freak me out. And we get into this half talking-half nuzzling thing. And he’s leaning over to me and I’m curled up in my seat; and I don't mind so much cos it’s so cute of him. Just that it’s so… dunno. New. Never had a guy who wanted to get so mushy before. There are more descriptive ways to explain this, but its all a little fresh in my head to put into words today.

He tried to kiss me. As in, he was kissing my neck n my cheek and all but I refused to let him near the lips. New rule! You cannot kiss me if you have been smoking. The smell is bad enough – I don’t wanna taste it…

* * *

I kinda like the fact that he likes me so much and that I have finally found some guy that won’t run away. Yay me!

Ok, whatever.

But to be fair, I have no idea why he likes me so much. And he does! And he’s very manja. And in case I forget what manja is: manja comes from the malay word “to pamper” and it’s used in the sense that you will pout and be very child-like to get what you want. And usually it’s used in reference to annoying clingy girls but it’s very suitable for my Boy.

And he IS my Boy now. I asked him and he sed yeah but he was like “aiyah, I wanted to [make a big deal out of it]” kinda thing. And I sed “no need” but I talked to him online n sed, if u really wanna make a big deal out of it, u can – I’ll pretend I never sed what I sed.

So unofficially he is, but officially, dunno lah. But at least I know where we stand. And that’s all I care about. At least I can sleep at night knowing that I’m ok in his books. Hopefully more than ok, but we’ll start there. Let’s not get too ambitious.

I still have to tell him my one (just made up) rule about forgiveness:

I can forgive everything, except one thing – cheating. There is no turning back from that. Trust is something that I give everyone and once you give it away, you cant get it back.

A long speech, but necessary. I think the first line should suffice.

* * *

And he bites. Well not hard, but it’s a little weird. I’m not too fond of the feel of teeth on me but we’ll also see how that goes.

Seeing him tmr! Um, yay?

Uni Wifi sucks and I'm too distracted for words.

Here I am, sitting in a Contract lecture. Ubër bored. Kay Mi isn’t so bad. I like the shirt she’s wearing today.

I keep thinking about things with Boy and I think I’ve over-thought things somewhat. Bad habit, I know. Scenario is: I told him to back off for a few days because I have to concentrate on my moot. And now even, when I want to talk to him, he seems really distant. Shit, and I think it’s my fault. How am I going to fix this? I’m done with stress by Thursday but he’s got a quiz on Friday. And I’m going to netball practice on Thursday too and I haven’t told him – haven’t had the chance to.

And I don’t know how to handle disagreements. I’m so stuck.

I want to tell him about Thursday and netball and all but I’m afraid he’ll take it the wrong way and think it’s just cos I want him to send me home – which isn’t the case. I do want to see him. and I do totally appreciate the fact that he’s willing to send me home in the first place.

Should I just go along like it’s not a big deal that I brushed him off for a few days? I think I should but I’m too chicken shit to do it. Where’s my moral support?!

How am I supposed to let him know that I like him? Does he even know? Can I assume that he’s ok with everything? I think so. If I act like it, I think he’d go along. I don’t think there’s anything worth fighting or disagreeing over.

Wow. I really do think I’m a fighter not a lover. War is so much simpler to understand than this love stuff. How confusing.

I have to keep repeating this mantra in my head “Think of the good times. Think of the good times.” Tho, I can’t help but think the other.

* * *

Can’t help but feel really lost right now. I guess it’s a compound of being a little lonely and a little sad. I reckon I’ll be able to crawl my way out of this rut.

Can’t wait till Thursday rolls around and I can run all this excess stress off on the netball pitch. Still wondering how to tell him tho…

* * *

I'm in the process of cutting a wisdom tooth too. Le OUCH. Actually, less ouch, more, gummy feeling. Whee! So this is what it feels like to grow up...

Updates and BOY NOISE!

There have been a multitude of goings-on in my life so pardon me for being absent for quite some time. Chronologically:

1. Chinese New Year
Was fun! I actually enjoyed the family this year. Tho the suckiest thing was not being able to go hang out with my Boy (I forget what I’m sppsed to call him. more on that later). Lots of family dinners. Let me emphasise that there were a LOT of family dinners.

Day 1: Dinner in Aunt Theresa’s – bak kut teh and all.
Day 2: Aunt Jessie’s Wedding thing – dinner at Overseas Restaurant
Day 3: Went out with Boy (I think, I forget what day)
Day 4: Hung out with Hlbh and Durv at home – watching “Night at the Museum”, they ate a lot of the CNY cookies
Day 5: Dinner with Uncle Johnny and Co
Day 6: Dinner with the Mow’s at home – gambling and all

Day 15: Chap Goh Meh – Dinner with the Mow’s again. Gambling. Again.

2. Mooting
Stupid. Stupid stupid. Not me. The damn assignment. I hate having to do this. Stress is coming from two directions – from the actual moot, and from preparing.
Stress from preparing because I actually don’t have to prepare as much as I’m doing. But I figure if I do all the work NOW, I won’t be as stressed on the Thursday itself. I think.
And stress from actually having to stand up there are talk like a lawyer and worrying about not saying the right thing and being talked back to by the judge (Vijaya).
Most people who’ve done it have said it’s ok and when she questions you she just wants to see if your willing to stick to your point and how you handle it. I just fear the worst. Damn me and my anxiety attacks.

3. Law Ball
Actually nothing to worry about here cept that I wanna take my Boy there and there are no more seats. And I have to find a seat without anyone finding out why, tho I think Venon may know why. I asked him about seating, but I don’t know if he’s considered why I asked. I faked an interested friend who wants to go, but wants to sit with me.
Damn, I really want to find a seat for him. Anyone wanna give up yours?

4. Boy Noise
Here we go. Finally.

a) recently, while going thru female problems, I kinda had a panic attack and went totally mad – or at least I think I was mad. PMS makes you very moody so I was freaked and I dunno what he thought then but I think its ok now. Just have to remember to catch it before I do anything stupid next time.

b) and what makes a good girlfriend? A girl who lets you do whatever you want? Or a girl who wants to know what you’re doing all time? I think I may be oscillating between the two – which is why I was thinking about the boy manual a few posts back… I fear I may be hitting the “annoying” button at the same time as the “she doesn’t care” button. Yeesh, this is confusing.

c) what else. Oh right. I am extremely insecure and paranoid. And this is worsened when I am bored. Then I start to imagine what fun he’s having sans moi and I get bummed. Damn. This sounds like a repost of the last dude. I gotta get a more exciting life. I told Peter this and sed, and I quote, “you worrywart!” Thanks Peter. At least I know what to call myself :)

d) Should I assume that he likes me? or is that too much to assume? How important is actually saying “it” anyway? But can you sure if you just work on an assumption? I know they say actions speak louder than words, but words are still there for a reason – to be used.

e) I have just realised that being in a “relationship” or the closest I’ve gotten to one, is actually quite boring. Sigh.
There is no more flirting. There is no more playing catch-and-release, in a manner of speaking. Is this what it’s like all the time? Man. Being in a couple is kinda overrated. And we’re not even a “couple” couple yet. Not sure if we ever will be…
The story is: I’ve been pushing him to say the “magic words”. No, not the “L” word but something along the lines of “I like you” or any question with the word “girlfriend” which pertains to him and me. And so far, he’s been extremely evasive, if not, avoiding the issue altogether. We’ve spoken abt me going to UK, but as far as I know, he’s just filling convo space. AND from past experiences, what guys say, and what they mean, are two very separate animals. Anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I’m going to assume (as I have been assuming all along) that he does like me.
I’m not sure I like him entirely tho. There’s the issue where I do like going out with him but it’s all quite weird when I haven’t seen him for a while and I get stupidly paranoid.
Oh, and bringing back the lists:
How I know he does like me: he leans against me when we watch stuff – football, movies, he touches my knee, he puts his arm over my shoulders when we walk, he avoids the issue of how he feels (tho that may just be a guy thing – not so sure), he drives me home (which is really sweet and I totally appreciate)
How I think he knows I like him: I lean against him when we watch stuff, I turn to him when I semi-squeal in movies, I let him touch my knee, I favour him over his friends (duh, but obv)
How I may be annoying: I msg him randomly (tho not excessively much), I ask stupid questions, I laugh too much, I let pms affect me (I’m trying!),
How I may seem to not care: I won’t contact him for a whole day (24 hours! – ok, happened once, and then he called me), I’ll be quiet when his friends are around (cos: 1. I dunno what they are talking abt, and 2. I don’t wanna be like all nosy and whatnot), I’m reluctant to be all girly ard him and his friends (none of that “oh! Omg! Like omg!” nonsense - I try to be concerned and all, and not all embarassed about it)

I have this awfully strong urge to hug him or smtg but thanks to my remarkable powers of self control I don’t. Actually, I only get the urge when I’m alone, when I’m around him – nothing. I’ve actually started withdrawing privileges such as letting him put his arm around my shoulder on the excuse that it’s just cos I’m short. Damn it. I wonder if he's getting the hint that's i'm getting a little tired of playing games. Tho, i suppose if it's a hint, then he's definately not getting it.

Oh, and we were supposed to go to Sunway Lagoon next week – and I was looking forward to it! But ends up we might not. Damn it.

So in conclusion – I don’t know where we stand. I’m sticking by the phrase “I don’t have a/He is not my boyfriend” and technically that’s true. Tho I wish it were the opposite.

I don’t know what I want tho – do I want just someone to call a boyfriend? Or do I actually want him to be around? Do I just want someone to make out with (very fun!) or someone to care for and who cares for me? Does it matter what I want more? Am I actually going to get the chance to try this out or do I have to keep playing these frustrating games with him?

And so ends another instalment of Boy Noise!

Lea has been super busy with law work in Holland so I’ve been struggling with internal conflict for a while now. I have no idea if what I’m thinking is sane or if I’m just relationship retarded. My Boy is so not ready to hear all this nonsense yet so I’m stuck with speculating on my sanity in cyber space. Man, its quiet out here.

Omen-ing?

Not much to report today.

I mean, stuff happened and I did things, but nothing that elicited overwhelming emotion or that I feel that warrants a special post. So here’s a breakdown…

1. UN Exco Meeting

• Upcoming activities – UNICEF
• March GM outline
• PRO activites
• MDGs

I don’t particularly enjoy Exco meetings. I’ve become more and more detached from this club. Sad. Thank goodness there’s Andrew with his enthusiasm to keep things together. I don’t know why, but I’ve run out of energy to push towards the UN Club. I suppose I can blame the previous efforts to motivate my PROs which have failed miserably. There’s only so much time and effort you can put into trying before you burn out. That, plus my transition to Law. To be honest, I can’t wait till the hand over. Sigh.

2. Hair Appointment

I have previously mentioned that I go to regular hair treatments in Mont Kiara for my hair problem.

YES, I have a hair problem. PLEASE don’t tell me about it. I KNOW already.

Anyway, I got my hair low-lighted! Its kinda sorta reddish purple. I wanted purple purple but the girl there said it wouldn’t last and it wouldn’t show much. And as it turns out the colour is pretty dark so they are low-lights, not high.

Doesn’t matter. =)

I like it!

It’s a tad dark now but she said it would lighten after a few washes. Perfect.

I just hope no one calls me an ah lian. Grrrr.

3. Home

Well, nothing happened at home today but computer wise there is some small boy noise.

Oh, while I was in Mont Kiara, he asked if I was free to go out. Today. And I was. And I was like “okay, cool. I get to go out today. And I get to see him before CNY.” Because I kinda figured that if I got to see him before the long holiday it would be better y’know? Like…so he would think about me during the long hols. So any time before then would be a plus. Not that I miss him or anything. Sigh, and I promised myself not to play games…

Turns out, he cancelled tonight cos of reunion dinner. Ok, fine.

Offered to drop by tomorrow (Saturday, which is today I guess) morning. Fine also. Then then – he can’t because he has to go shopping for CNY clothes. Sigh. Can’t be helped.

So that leaves me with no opportunity to get in his head before the long hol. Dammit.

* * *

You know, after watching Under The Tuscan Sun, I have this eerie feeling about what the Spanish guy said: It must come naturally. If it were meant to be, it would all work out. It would click in place.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking too long term or what not, but it’s just frustrating.

The thing about that movie that's ringing true for me, is that they kept missing each other. Never in the same place at the same time. I hope it's not premonition of reality...

* * *

So, Chinese New Year is dawning upon us… soon! Year of the Boar apparently. Very cool My oldest auntie (on mum’s side)’s year. So she’s… 48! Multiples of 12 unite!

I’m actually looking forward to Sunday (1st Day) – see my cousins, relatives. No matter how annoying or shallow or whatever I think, they are still blood. Plus, I get to wear new clothes! And that’s always a cause for celebration.

And the question I’m looking forward to most: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
And why? Because this year I can tentatively (but convincingly) say “Yes.” If only to stop them asking, and get them talking about my beloved cousin whom they dote upon so. I wonder if Stephanie has a boyfriend…I don’t like people asking, so I won’t ask. And plus, if I ask her, then she will ask me back, then I will have to be truthful (“Yes.”) and then it will seem that I want to brag about it.

Technically I am lying, but I do have a boy – who is interested. It’s close enough. Whatever. Just to shut them up.

* * *

Today’s rose picture is proudly taken in mum’s bathroom:

The bud has fallen to a 90 degree angle and the stem has turned a little yellow. Still smells fantastic tho.

Rules of Sara: Boys (Part 2)

1. Do not yearn. Yearning is bad for health.
2. Don’t play games. Even if you know you’re going to win, you will lose. And it will only confuse you further.
3. Don’t think long term. Consider the implications but live for the here and now.
4. When he says he will call or message you, he means in the next 24 hours or so – time is relative.
5. When walking side by side, do not fold your arms. Leave the arm closest to him free and naturally swinging – giving him the perfect opportunity to initiate hand holding.
6. When talking across the table, never fold your arms unless in jest or if you are cold.
7. Remain passionate but fair about favoured sports teams.
8. Never try and bluff about a subject.
9. Try to look at him when in conversation at least 80% of the time.
10. Talk to him more than you talk to his friends – regardless of how important you think it is for his friends to like you.

Boy Noise, Vol. 1! of many!

I think the posts in the near future will be full of boy noise – that is, that I will be writing a lot about how guys are so weird and what did he mean and what do I do now – those kind of things.

So anyway, onwards to today’s Boy Noise:

I had netball practice at 4pm. He asked me yesterday when netball practice was. I told him. Note: I did not just tell him – he asked.

Yeah, so I was running late so I didn’t get there in time. Not uncommon. I got a message that implied that he was around before practice started (no need to get into details about that).

It was drizzling dangerously so I started the game ASAP. This was at about 5pm.

Then when I called for a water break for the girls, he was there. Standing at the shed looking a little lost. Poor dear.

Went over to talk to him for a bit. Talked for like 2 minutes… then I saw the girls were getting a little restless. Ok, point taken, I called the game back on. He went and sat on the steps of the shed. I kinda feel a little guilty for leaving him there.

Reffed the rest of the game till about 5.45pm. Called water break again. Saw him walking off. Didn’t so much feel a pang of “oops” more like and “oops, oh well.” I SMSed him and he said he was going off for attendance call. Whoopsie. At least he didn’t sound too put out. I figured I’ll make it up to him later.

After we got rained out like 10 minutes later, I walked off to main block foyer and sat down with the girls and chatted about stuff. I reckon I was loud enough for the people inside to figure out where were there. Me especially. Mwahahaha ;)

I was talking about American Pie: the Naked Mile to a girl from Garden on the steps in front of the theatrette when the doors opened. And it was at that golden moment in time when my phone rang and dad said he was here. Great.

So I ran up to McDs thru the usual exit and on the way, lo and behold, I got a txt msg from him saying “where you? :)” and at that point I was like “SHIT.” It was raining dollar-sized drops too. So on the way to the car I was half soaked. I told him I was going home and he msged back “too bad. Wanted to ask you if you wanted to have a drink with me :)” or something to that effect.

I would have gone too is dad hadn’t come and “rescue” me from the downpour. We had a dinner appointment with his auditor guy at 7.30 so we had to rush home. Didn’t even make that dinner because of car trouble.

Another txt msg received in the car read: “…you looked cute with your hair tied like that.” I have to mention that I french-plaited my hair today because of negotiation assessment. I will not go into detail about that for fear of throwing my notebook out of the window.

* * *

Ah yes, he also asked me if I wanted to go watch Ghost Rider tomorrow. But I’m so not free tomorrow afternoon! Sad :( I would so have gone to watch it; for two reasons: I want to go watch Ghost Rider!, and I want to see him again. I mean, he’s nice to hang out with. And I’m not objecting to the attention I get around him 0=)

I am such a ham :D

* * *

Also had an interesting discussion with Lea and we jokingly agreed that I should write out the rules of my social interaction with boys. I need rules, as I explained to Lea, because without them I would just run around and get lost. So those are to come…

* * *

How does one be a good girlfriend? Do you pamper every whim? Do you play around and dance around their feelings? Does one wear revealing or conservative or innocent types of clothing? I know the answers are subjective, but I think every guy should have a manual or handbook attached to them – subject to change by the owner. Then at least the girl has a vague idea.

* * *

And from today till it wilts (or I decide it’s not worth it), I will post a pic of the beautiful rose. It’s still gorgeous…

Rules of Sara: Social interaction with boys, with a view to pursue romantic interests.

1. Don’t over-analyse.
2. When a word, phrase or sentence can be construed in two ways, they always mean the good way.
3. Do not show any forward signs of open flirting, such as hand-holding, long eye stares and inane grinning, unless initiated by him.
4. No real kisses unless it is serious. Cheek kisses are acceptable.
5. Seriousness is determined by him.
6. Give him the benefit of the doubt unless shown or proven otherwise.
7. When faced with his friends, be friendly, but not too friendly; back him up, even if you think its funny; and don’t try to understand their jokes.
8. Do not talk too much. Small talk is acceptable, but rein it in sometimes, ok?
9. Try to find common points of interest without being nosy.
10. Find out as much as you can from non-him sources, but do it in a non-stalker-like way.

Stop and smell the roses...

Valentines day.

A day of mushiness and roses and cupids and all that nonsense.

And I was quite happily part of that nonsense. Although it didn’t start like that at all.

* * *

But non V-Day stuff first – to get it out of the way.

This Morning...

The Law Dept – well, my class, some Yr 2s and the lecturers who were around – low sang in the conference room after Contract class today.



Venon generously brought the yee sang to uni, Ally and Venon bought the plates, I bought chopsticks too. Turns out more people were expected so Grace, Soo Jin, Shavan and I went off to Giant in Main Block to buy:

1. More plates
2. More chopsticks
3. Soft Drinks (at the request of Ms Kay Mi)
4. Disposable cups (for the drinks)

I paid for all of it – I didn’t ask Ms Kay Mi for money back. I don’t think it was that expensive anyway. Maybe I’ll ask her tomorrow.

At times like these, I really do love my Law class. They are awesome people.

The day trudged on as usual:

Lunch at Secret Recipe. I didn’t eat anything because I wasn’t hungry because I had eaten half a plastic container full of Secret Recipe cake that Arch had brought to Uni in the morning. That, plus the thought of later events, was making me queasy, so I decided to forgo lunch.

What else…

2 uneventful tutorials ending with a spitfire Kitson at Crime. That wore me out somewhat. Plus, I was supposed to be home by 5.30pm so I would be ready by 6.30pm. And my parents were late. And it was raining in Hartamas. Today is so not my day.

This Evening…

So I got home around 6pm. Had the quickest shower in the world. Dressed, got made up, fussed and all that. Ready by 6.30pm. But lo and behold, there would have to be a jam in Hartamas. Surprisingly I was surprised. I knew we were going to 1U but I didn’t think Hartamas would be jammed.

He got here around 7 something. Not that late – gave me a chance to read my new (old) Jeffery Archer (“As The Crow Flies”). I was so worrying about being late I wasn’t worried about the date. I was then so worried about the jams, I wasn’t worried about the date. Then, I was so engrossed in my book; I wasn’t worried about the date. Books are heaven sent…

After a few wrong turns and missed exits we eventually found ourselves on the right track and headed toward TTDI-area and within sight of 1U! Not that sitting in the car with him wasn’t ok – it was plenty fun (not that kinda of fun) but he’s a nice chap to talk to and we made conversation quite easily. I kinda fell into the habit of talking a lot but I managed to reign myself in quite well, if I may say so myself. I wasn’t as bad as the last one I reckon.

We got to the car park and the place was packed to the rafters, so parking was a bit difficult. People were calling on the phone and all so half the time we were distracted. Eventually found a “spot” next to a wall after like 15 minutes. We had to resort to stalking people at the end, but the spot we (well, he) found was like elsewhere.

Bickered over where Dome was. I was wrong. Dammit.

Got to the right one. Got seated. Ordered beverages. Were waiting for his friends to arrive. At this point its like 8.30pm.

His friends get to Dome at 9.15pm just as our food arrives. He (meaning my date) starts scoffing his food down like its air. He did say he was hungry.

I ordered the chicken and mushroom pie. Love that stuff. I only managed to finish half but he managed to finish that too. Dang guys and their never-ending stomachs and their godd*mn metabolism.

Oh, did I mention that this was a triple date? Yeah. Triple. As in three couples. Hilarity ensues.

The other guys are friends of the guy on my right so they fall in to the usual guy talk and whatnot. Fortunately for me the guys know me and know of me thanks to the Futsal comp and my omnipresence as photographer. That broke the ice somewhat. The other two ladies were more or less quiet. I had decided at the beginning of the whole thing that I would just treat this as:
a) a normal Wednesday date and not a Valentines dinner; and
b) a bunch of friends hanging out for dinner.
Option A was negated when one of his friends (who, as claimed by le guy, hasn’t had a date in 3 years) was so ecstatically happy at the prospect of having a date, kept calling her his “Valentine” and all that. Technically, that was what we all were, but it was so weird to have someone say it out loud and so often. Weird in a hilarious way, by the way.
Option B was on the occasion when he was eating and wasn’t up for much convo, so I entertained myself by chatting to the fellas and the girls and all. I hope he didn’t feel neglected. I had absolutely run out of topics of interest by the time we had hit the restaurant. I so suck.

Anyway, after the food was all eaten, we yakked about stuff like going out for drinks, and took photos and stuff. Apparently he doesn’t like drinking cos he comes out in black spots – eh? Yeah. That’s what he said. The guys wanted him to drink so he said he had to send me back and I was blur enough not to get the hint. Oh well, in the end he sent me home around 10.45pm and missed out on drinks with the guys. He gave me a rose in the car too! A really nice one – all dark-red and long stemmed.

Glorious. Gorgeous. Great smelling too.

The trip back home was uneventful apart from me having to bluster my way through telling him how to get back to Jalan Duta after dropping me back. My place is really easy to get to and from once you know how! Honest!

Well, he dropped me at the club house area thing and at this point I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t very well just walk out of the car without doing or saying anything in thanks, but I also didn’t want to throw myself all over him – not that I wanted to – in return for taking me out. So as I unlocked the car door, I pondered (at the speed of light, I swear) what to do and after opening the door half way, turned around and smooched him on the cheek. I figured, that should be enough… not too forward, but not too ungrateful either. Lea agrees with that so I feel pretty justified.

Strange though: he lingered around in the car for a bit before driving off after I got out. I wonder what he was thinking…

* * *

So end of eventful 14th February 2007. May next year’s be just as fun, and but less stressful – please!

So plans for tomorrow:

• Lunch with Sin Yew? Unconfirmed. I may not want to wake up so early…
• Negotiation at 3pm with Aishah, Marcus and Zarin.
• Finish at 4pm.
• 4 – 6pm: Netball training! Yay! Running around-ness!

Oh, and I also mentioned (because he asked) that I was going to training tomorrow so we shall see if he turns up. It’s gonna be quite awkward. I dunno. I hope the girls don’t catch on… haha!

Must remember to pack netball clothes for tomorrow. T-shirt, shorts, socks and trainers. Remember remember…

* * *

And in regards to future liaisons with above mentioned male – I would not be object to additional meetings but will refrain from making quick judgements about the status of our relationship. As it stands, I see him as a possible associate of the romantic kind but will continue to treat him as a friend until such feelings of compatibility are made clear on his part.

Ooo I wonder how training is gonna go tomorrow…

Addendum extrias

Wow, so much to write today.

1. I have discovered colours!

Blogging is so much more fun when you can write like you talk and emphasize things in an interesting way. I don’t have a complex system of colour-coded inflections or hand gestures, but whatever seems to fit right, that’s how it is.

I think Gmail’s got the right interface for it. It works a lot better than the Blogger.com one I think.

2. I freak out over stupid things

Not to say that I have freaked out lately, but I don’t stress-out to the right things.
Example:
Subject – exams, Stress level – low
Subject – Boys, Stress level – high

I’m so stupid.

3. Yay! Top Gear has finished downloading!

I have been waiting for the torrent of the first episode of the latest Season of Top Gear (Season 9) to finish loading. I’ve waited since it came out. I’ve waited since FinalGear.com said their encoder was on leave or something. I’ve waited since the other encoder guy crashed his encoding device.

And it’s finally done! Salvation!

* * *

I think I know why I want to be in control so much. I don’t like dredging up the past but maybe because I had so little control last times that it’s affected me now.

There was another more reasonable explanation, but I’ve forgotten.

Sorry. Kinda like an anti-climax.

* * *

And I just thought of this:

Lewd Joke Alert!

Why is the sea so salty?

…?

Because it’s full of semen (sea-men)

…

I’m so gross. Hahaha!

Strange one for me.

10.31pm
It’s amazing how insecure I feel right now. I’m shocked by it myself. It’s not like a physical ache or something where you thump in and its temporarily relieved; kinda like an “Eugh” inside.
And as you know, it will probably be boy related.

I’m not longing for this one. Seriously. I am so not there yet. I dunno what it is. I had the word in my head a while ago – lost it.

Ok, lets see.

I don’t like him that much. I think he’s entertaining.

Oh I think I know what this is. I hate waiting for the phone to beep. Anxiety. That’s the word.

I think for me there are different levels of anxiety in terms of boy-related issues.

Low: waiting for the phone to beep
Medium: waiting for the phone to ring because he said he would call.
Higher than Medium: Waiting for the phone to ring for no reason
High: Uber-paranoia.

And for some retarded reason, I always manage to talk myself out of high anxiety situations. It’s harder than in Medium-anxiety situations. I guess the freaking out is so extreme even I can realised the ridiculousness of it.

There is a quick remedy to handling such phone-related anxiety, I have discovered. I just turn off my phone. Even if – oh, I don’t know – there is absolutely no reason for it, and it’s not like I get calls often, it’s just so calming and all of a sudden, the stress and anxiety is gone. I’ve taken back control. Maybe I’m a closet control freak.

That would make some sense I guess.

Now how does one NOT be a control freak…? Environmental factors have to be changed I guess.

* * *

Sigh. That’s the damn thing I hate about SMSes - the lag time. I always reply messages as soon as I can – unless I forget, then it can’t be helped. But lately I’ve been deliberately delaying sending messages. I wanted people to wait for them, just like they made me wait. Writing that down makes it sound so childish and not at all cool. More revelations to come I suppose.

Well, I’ve gotten past the whole anxiety thing. I don’t know what my time limit is on anxiety. Depends on what I’m doing other than waiting and how urgent I think it is. I should test it out one day when I’m thinking clearer.

* * *

Oh and if I have not yet mentioned:

I have a date for Valentine’s Day! Haha first time like… EVER. Hope I don’t scare him away tho. That would be crushing. Crushing, but not fatal.

And I’m more or less indifferent to Valentine’s Day this year. Like two years ago I was very anti-V day. Last year and this year I just don’t care. Even this year, where I am doing something “special”, there doesn’t seem to be a major change of perception. I don’t hate it, but I won’t say “yay! Flowers!” either. Tho flowers are nice.

Heh. Actually discussing a date is weird. I wonder if he’s actually serious. Oo those little butterflies are back (metaphor).

I don’t know what the dynamic here is. It’s strange because I don’t know whether I came on to him or the other way round. Here comes the control freak again. I’d at least like to know. But one can’t ask straight out loud, you see. Have to play by the rules of the game. The Dating Game.

And I promised my self that I wouldn’t play games. Ok, so you can’t completely not play. But I guess I have to try and minimise game-playing. I’ve gotten good advice from several corners (of the world) so we shall see. We’re always seeing. What happens when you don’t see it?

* * *

Is there anyway of acting (not completely, but somewhat) nonchalant and still getting a guy to fawn all over you? Because that would be bliss. With the exception of stalkers and the like.

Futsal, Do not Pass Go

Right.

So the whole futsal episode was mini joke thing within the team. No biggie. No. Really. I’m totally fine. Dropped a hint with the middle dude so... will see how news travels. Not waiting on anything tho.

Tomorrow’s going to be a crazy busy day.

In chronological order:

• Up at 12pm (yeah late start, so what)
• Lunch with Nadia (maybe)
• Back in Uni at 2pm
• Research moot question with Char, Arch, Nads and Ally
• To Mont Kiara at 4.30pm
• End at 6.30pm

I was supposed to have dinner with Squish but that’s been changed to Friday. Maybe.

Possibility of going to Maison’s with Ally and co. Apparently it’s some birthdays or whatnot.
Pros of going: fun fun! Dancing. Socialing. Looking cool. Get to wear hot clothes. Get to stay out late. Cute guys. Get to drink.
Cons: smokey, very smokey. Very crowded. May end up being wallflower. May not know people there. Get to drink.

I don’t know. I’ll decide possibly tomorrow and let Ally know. I may have to stay over her place again.

Going to watch Kitson’s DVD set, Season 1 of “Murder One”. Good ass show.

* * *

I now have all the skills and information to be an effective stalker. Thank your lucky stars you aren’t hot enough for me to bother with. I don’t consider myself the stalker type. That’s way too obvious. I take more of the hunter-trapper approach. Although I already told Lea that I would stop playing games. Games are only fun if people play along.

Whoops. And today's forecast is...

And in all that mumbling about blog post comments I totally forgot to recount today. Nothing too fancy. Just damn timetable changes I was NOT informed of.

Now classes are really scheduled weird.
Monday: 8am - 4.30pm
Tuesday: 10am – 3pm
Wednesday: 8am – 4.30pm
Thursday: 9am - 11am
Friday: Nix

Thursday classes are called off for the recent weeks because of negotiation assessment.



Compared to the last timetable we had, this sucks balls man. The last one was totally awesome, with awesome breaks and awesome class times. Man, I hate rescheduling.

I guess it could be worse. My friend up in Nilai (I think) is doing Engineering and his timetable is pretty harsh.

Oh, and LMS first thing Monday morning. Abso-friggin-lutely great. Lets hope it’s not a replay of the Year Two’s nightmare last year.

* * *

Feeling better. As usual. I really need to crack down and get mucho studying done-o.

My bad is your bad is my bad. What?

Snot-nosed little wanker.

That’s the only thing that’s running thru my mind at the moment. And I was in such a good mood before…

Let me rant about this for a while before I recount today and Futsal day for you.

Very well you little prick. Point taken. I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge the fellow seeing as he turned out to be a nice guy and not as creepy as initially assumed. I suppose creepy was a harsh word to use but appropriate at the time.

I’m not going to remind you that I can’t change my upbringing and if it shows in this blog then so be it. As for being a snob, I can’t say it’s the first time I’ve been called that but I damn well won’t apologise for wanting to be treated with respect. If a person directly tells you to stop saying something because it’s creepy, I’d expect some courtesy and hope they at least consider it – no, rephrase. They should bloody well consider it.

I will not, and repeat will not apologise for assumptions made. I write these at the spur of the moment and like hell I care if I do the proper research at the time. You are free to correct me if I’m wrong and I graciously accept that I made a booboo there. Financial or otherwise, I can’t help where I went to school and neither can you. Life’s unfair like that and it’s not like I’ve never wanted to be like a normal kid and got to a normal school. If you can make assumptions about me, then I can damn well make assumptions about you. I am neither rich, nor wealthy. Believe it.

I don’t get the line of reasoning that if a girl has a boyfriend, she’s snobbish. I really don’t follow. Or even the other way around. If she’s a snob, she has a boyfriend? I’d rather think it’s the reverse – if she’s nice, then wouldn’t it be more likely that she’s taken? Yeah. That I don’t get so – feel free to let me know how that works.

And the annoying thing about long comment posts is that I have to keep referring to them. Oh well. For the sake of consistency, I’ll go thru it all.

And the last bit about wanting to learn about culture – I (I can’t say for everyone) hate it when people beat around the bush. That is, if you want to know something, just ask. Don’t be a smart ass about it. If it’s a genuine question, then I’m pretty sure I won’t bite your head off unless I’m in a foul mood of whatever – and I’d tell you if I was.

AND just so that we are clear – I know people from Chinese schools. I do. I really know them. I like these people. They are cool. But the difference is that I know them in person. They are non-threatening beings to me. They have their quirks and I get that. But whatever – being curious about people doesn’t automatically give you the right to ask them personal questions. ESPECIALLY if they have already made it clear that they don’t know who you are. That’s borderline stalker to me. That’s the buggin’ point. And my Chinese school friends? They don’t do that. So it is totally possible from someone from that background to understand boundaries. You see why I find him a little off?

And HELLO. If you haven’t noticed, it’s not that easy to be super-confident all the time. Not like I’m super-confident even half the time. It varies. I don’t think it’s an issue unless it’s low like most of the time. Which is why I blog it out. Blogging clears the head and clarifies all the doubts and niggling thoughts I have. Enables me to function like a normal, confident person.

I try to be humble. Sort of. I forget sometimes. I don’t automatically think I’m the best at what I do, but I figure I’m not too shabby at it. And if I ever make cracks that I am really good at something, then I’m totally joking. No, seriously. Self praise is no praise and I absolutely agree. Although mother-of-mine would say that if you don’t praise yourself, who will. I suppose it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and sometimes you have to perk yourself up. But I never do it in public. Parents are enough of an ego boost when you really need it. Can’t rely on parents for even that tho – veeeeery unpredictable beings, they are.

I don’t like being emo. But I am. Sometimes. Not often, thank God.

And buddy, if you think I’m arrogant – tell me how and why and I’ll get back to you in 2 working days. In the meantime – bite me. Don’t go criticising my writing and put a lame “no offence” at the end. Dude – read your own post and see if anyone’s going to take offence. If you wrote down your thoughts, feelings and emotions and someone picked it up and laughed at it, wouldn’t you feel offended? I sure as hell do. And at this point, I don’t think an apology would cover it. Too pissed off right now. I may calm down in a day or two.

P.S. And after re-reading, I would just like to say, I have the Godd*mn right to say whatever I want because of the Constitution. It’s called freedom of expression. So whatever assumptions I make are my right and my right alone. Just like you have to right to rebut my assumptions. With proof please, as you are encroaching onto my cyber property. Don’t make me put up one of those annoying disclaimers on this blog.

* * *

Sigh. I don’t like feeling like I have wasted time doing something I thought was important only to later feel like it was a waste. I hope that that wasn’t a waste. Tho, to be fair to myself, I don’t think I could have concentrated with that bouncing around my head.

Ah, what else…

Oh yes, the Futsal for Flood Relief! Friday was awesome. The futsal was fantastic, the refs were awesome, Michelle was close to hyperventilating but it all came together and it was all worth it just to see the finals. Like I said, the futsal was totally ripping! Actually, the semis were better in a sense that there were 2 really good teams – the finalists – and the semis were where they both shone. The finals were rather anti climatic cos one team dominated the whole game. Thought it would be closer.

Lotsa cute guys. I use the term “lots” loosely but I did spot a couple of glance-worthy fellows. Some personal drama, but a little on that later. Loads of people turned up just to watch! So the bleachers were packed and lots of cheering going on – especially from Alpha-Q’s section!

Say Alpha-Q really fast.
Cheeky name.

AQ consisted of the boys from my L1 class so the girlies were there in full force – gotta support our lads! They didn’t make it past the groups tho.

Oh and about personal drama – not so much drama as, intrigue. I was self-appointed photographer person (alongside Adrian) for the semis onwards. I like Michelle’s newer camera – it’s fast and really clear. Anyway, me was taking pics of the 3rd-4th match warm up. The medic dude of the day comes up to me and tells me one of his friends wants to know me better. O-kaaaaay… I semi-freak (good description of what I went thru in all of 5 seconds) and say ok, glance to where he points and says “next to the goalie”, and I sorta scurry over to Jia who was on the pitch briefing blokes. I cling to him for support (poor guy has to deal with me freaking). Nothing like this ever happens to me. I have no idea how I’m supposed to react. Jia looks over for me and says “he’s ok what.” Ok. So I have at least a second opinion. Would have been better if Jia knew him or what. End part one.

Part two is short. Its pre-finals time and teams are warming up. I’m sitting with scoreboard and people and Jia’s there. I ask him which one’s that one. He points out guy. I consider: ok, not bad. None of them are bad although he’s on the team with James V. That fella, I know (not too well, but I know his bro. Same same, I guess). Oh, I forgot to mention, that the guy the medic dude pointed to was on one of the finals teams. Yeah, and it’s pretty easy to figure out the “team”.

Plus, I’ve been running up and down taking pictures or futsal goings-on so people pretty much know me as photogirl or some variation of that. Especially that team to seem particularly photo-happy.

Part three (Part two’s over. I don’t have to spell it out to you, right?).It’s really pre-finals time, like before they kick-off. And out of the blue, they holler “Photo!” I expect Adrian or some other to run to snap shots, but alas, my name is called and I have to rush off to find a camera after passing mine off to Michelle (I wanted to retire my photographing career – the camera I used before wasn’t good). Kirsty offered to let me take photos with her camera – little Sony action there – but I didn’t really like it and I asked her to take it for me while I try n find Michelle. I run out to find Michelle’s awesome newer camera (Canon, bless your soul) and race back to take photos. Tell se sooner, why don’t you.

Teams line up and I snap away. Dude who was scoping me out was dorky. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t even know if it is really him. An adorable sorta dorky. I’m trying to not get ahead of myself here. He will henceforth be refered to as d’ork – not in a demeaning manner, but it’s easier for me to refer to him later. I do know his name, but no way am I putting it up here. It’s not necessary for the storyline anyway.

So I have formulated a plan of action. Lea knows. I know. Details are to be confirmed. Just one more phone call to make. And we shall see how it pans out.

As for the end result, I’m not expecting much. I’m tentatively leaving in Sept so a fling is max what I expect. Wow, I’ve never had a fling before. Hah. See how I guess.

* * *

I love it when people write nice comments on blogs. On any blog, not just mine. It shows appreciation, and gratitude. I don’t expect comments and when I do, nothing ever comes up anyway. I try to leave nice comments on blogs that I read and that I want the writer to know that I read. It’s a complex system of politics but it works in a sense. The balance is kept and everyone’s happy. I don’t like leaving anonymous comments but I will if I know the writer and I don’t want them to know me. I might unhinge things in a way. To each his own, I guess.