I feel Awful. Gut-wrenchingly, heart-rippingly AWFUL. With a capital A if you haven't noticed.
I woke up at 10.14am today. Which is UNHEARD of. Demonstrating the extent of my wretchedness.
Verbal diarrhoea to Lea for about an hour till we had exhausted all possible topics of conversation.
Still feel wretched.
Wretched. Wretched. Wretched.
How does feeling wretched feel like? Like there's an anchor attached to some inner organ located in the chest area and it's been dropped of a bridge. Like I'm being sat on by a really lazy elephant. Like there's a significant increase in atmospheric pressure which makes it almost impossible to breathe. Like I'm bring slowly squeezed to death by a very hungry python.
I think the last one is the most accurate. There's definitely a tight, restrictive binding around my lungs. And I think I'm forgetting when to exhale...
Yeah I suppose this is all sounding way too exaggerated to be real. Sure, Misery loves company. But I hate being miserable. I love being happy. So Why should I make this up. I'd rather I not feel this awful and feel joyful and um. Good. I suppose is the operative word.
Calling this a cry for forgiveness would be such a wimpy way to go but seeing as my attempt to stop feeling so wretched was met with voicemail, I gotta let loose somewhere else. That notwithstanding I'm not gonna give up. But I was all prepared to to grovel a bit and that energy has got to go somewhere.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wanderlust
I typed this out a while ago. Should tide you over till I get the Penang post ready.
* * *
I’ve never described myself as an avid adventurer. I’m no nature girl, I openly admit that. But I do have an insatiable curiosity about things. There’s never enough that I can learn about something I’m interested in. There’s always got to be something more.
Case in point: Kuala Lumpur.
This sprawling city of old and new, of 3 million odd people, of a multitude of cultures. And if you think about it, no one really knows anyone. I mean, sure there are friends of friends and the whole social networking scene but there’s no actual interpersonal interaction. No one says “good day” while passing on the street. No one thinks twice to look at the person passing them by in the mall. Everyone’s so involved in their own little world that you forget that you’re living in a city (a capital one no less) and your whole universe shrinks to those few people that you decided to pass the time with. And not like that is a terribly bad thing – but it does limit one’s horizon’s somewhat.
I suppose the car culture is partially to blame. As I have come to personally find obtrusive, you simply cannot function in Kuala Lumpur without a car. Public transport is less than hopeless and taxi’s are ripping people off left, right and centre. I think I read somewhere that there are more cars in this city than actual people – which, from a rational standpoint, is stupid. We have road tax. Why pay to keep a car on the road and not driving it half the time? But I can understand the beauty and fascination with cars. I love cars. I love the feel of a good solid car racing down an empty highway to somewhere. Drifting scares me somewhat tho.
But I’m getting off point. Cars and people. Cars are essential metal boxes which allow people to get from point A to B really really quick. And not taking away from the shape and form that they have evolved into but that was their base purpose – basic human transportation. But when you’re sitting in a metal box on wheels you get extremely isolated from everything else. Sure, no one wants to sit in traffic and inhale exhaust fumes but the sense of integration with society melts away. Cars nowadays are soundproof (tire rumble), air-sealed (recycled air-conditioned air) and relatively waterproof. At this point I have to point out the difference between Japanese cars and Continental cars in the sense that the Europeans have regulated that air filters in cars must allow a small percentage of outside air when pumping in cool air-conditioning. Nothing speeds up the conscience of the public than having their own smelly pollution sprayed right back into their face. But granted, the weather over there is different than over here. But even IF, we had cooler temperatures, I doubt the government would be conscientious enough to consider regulating something like that.
I suppose what I’m getting at is the sense of community, or rather, the lack thereof. How can we as a nation expect to strive forward together if we don’t care for the bigger picture? Personally I don’t feel as if the elected government care for the people much so why should I care for the country? I don’t feel obliged to work for a better, more efficient nation when the aforementioned country hasn’t noticeably progressed in the sense of civil liberties or human rights.
* * *
I’ve never described myself as an avid adventurer. I’m no nature girl, I openly admit that. But I do have an insatiable curiosity about things. There’s never enough that I can learn about something I’m interested in. There’s always got to be something more.
Case in point: Kuala Lumpur.
This sprawling city of old and new, of 3 million odd people, of a multitude of cultures. And if you think about it, no one really knows anyone. I mean, sure there are friends of friends and the whole social networking scene but there’s no actual interpersonal interaction. No one says “good day” while passing on the street. No one thinks twice to look at the person passing them by in the mall. Everyone’s so involved in their own little world that you forget that you’re living in a city (a capital one no less) and your whole universe shrinks to those few people that you decided to pass the time with. And not like that is a terribly bad thing – but it does limit one’s horizon’s somewhat.
I suppose the car culture is partially to blame. As I have come to personally find obtrusive, you simply cannot function in Kuala Lumpur without a car. Public transport is less than hopeless and taxi’s are ripping people off left, right and centre. I think I read somewhere that there are more cars in this city than actual people – which, from a rational standpoint, is stupid. We have road tax. Why pay to keep a car on the road and not driving it half the time? But I can understand the beauty and fascination with cars. I love cars. I love the feel of a good solid car racing down an empty highway to somewhere. Drifting scares me somewhat tho.
But I’m getting off point. Cars and people. Cars are essential metal boxes which allow people to get from point A to B really really quick. And not taking away from the shape and form that they have evolved into but that was their base purpose – basic human transportation. But when you’re sitting in a metal box on wheels you get extremely isolated from everything else. Sure, no one wants to sit in traffic and inhale exhaust fumes but the sense of integration with society melts away. Cars nowadays are soundproof (tire rumble), air-sealed (recycled air-conditioned air) and relatively waterproof. At this point I have to point out the difference between Japanese cars and Continental cars in the sense that the Europeans have regulated that air filters in cars must allow a small percentage of outside air when pumping in cool air-conditioning. Nothing speeds up the conscience of the public than having their own smelly pollution sprayed right back into their face. But granted, the weather over there is different than over here. But even IF, we had cooler temperatures, I doubt the government would be conscientious enough to consider regulating something like that.
I suppose what I’m getting at is the sense of community, or rather, the lack thereof. How can we as a nation expect to strive forward together if we don’t care for the bigger picture? Personally I don’t feel as if the elected government care for the people much so why should I care for the country? I don’t feel obliged to work for a better, more efficient nation when the aforementioned country hasn’t noticeably progressed in the sense of civil liberties or human rights.
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