Noisy Fuckers

IT’S FUCKING TOO LATE FOR ALL THIS FUCKING NOISE.

And it's not just any noise. Not like music-type noise. Just random "POP"s every so often. FUCKING LOUD “POP”s if you don't mind.

They’re supposed to be fireworks or fire crackers of some-fucking-thing like that. But unfortunately the asshole who worked in the fireworks factory decided to stinge on some colour and spent the rest of the company money on crack for his 70 teenage wives/prostitutes. That’s why these fucking morons who live in the bleedin’ kampong next to my condo can afford to spend their fucking money on so many fucking noise makers. And I suppose it wouldn’t be such a big problem anywhere else, but HERE, where I live, there’s like an amphitheatre of condos, which means VERY HIGH WALLS FOR VERY LOUD ECHOES. Now you can see why I’m so PISSED.



And they aren’t your normal average everyday kampong boys who run around and get flattened by SUVs. Nope. They’ve taken their game to a whole new level. You see, they’ve realised that if they piss people off during the day, eventually, one of them will march down to the hole in the ground that they live in and torch the place. But not before beating the shit out of the fucking buggers and make them eat all the fucking TNT before lighting the place up like a Christmas tree.
So instead, they go and set the fucking poppers off at night. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. At TWELVE MIDNIGHT (12AM for those who like numbers). That way, they can annoy the fuck out of everybody and get away with it. Until, say, someone burns their house down. Fuckers and all.

I’d like to know the reasoning behind the whole “piss-people-off-and-see-how-long-we-can-survive” reflex. Is it because of the thrill? The danger that you willmight be put to a horrible and untimely demise at the hands of an angry mob? Or could if be the “tiada-apa”attitude? That they just really don’t give a shit.
I’m leaning towards the notion that they are mentally ill and secretly want to commit suicide but are to chicken-assed to do anything about it. I mean, people that stupid have got to want to die.

And what sort of sad sense of “joy” can you get out of “pop”s anyway? I mean, “hey, there’s fire” is great and all that, but get a grip. There are much better, safer and community-friendly ways of entertaining yourself: like branding your eyeballs for instance. Or experimenting with drugs. Or better yet, playing with power tools! That’s got to be at least 10 hours of excitement, per day!

And it’s not the fact that I don’t appreciate fireworks and the childish amusement it gives some people. I, myself, play fireworks every lantern festival. It’s a once a year thing, with family. And yes, I will admit that we do shoot some fireworks above my cousin’s neighbour’s house. BUT NOT EVERY FUCKING DAY. And NOT AT FUCKING MIDNIGHT. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.

I really do hope that one of the fucker’s I’m talking about has internet access in the kampong swamp that he lives in. I’m sure they do, I’ve seen one of those UN truck go in, with like food and stuff for starving people. Tho I’m, not sure if it came out again…

So let’s say they do: GO TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE FUCKER. DON’T YOU HAVE AN APOINTMENT WITH A ROTAN TOMORROW AT SCHOOL OR SOMETHING? EAT SHIT AND SWALLOW PISS YOU FUCKING BRAT. GO GIVE YOUR PRECIOUS FIREWORK A BLOWJOB AND LIGHT IT ON FIRE, THAT’LL BE A THRILL YOU’LL NEVER FORGET. DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND BLOW ONE OF YOUR FINGERS, OR TOES OR THAT CANCEROUS MASS YOU CALL A HEAD, OFF. GO PISS AROUND IN YOUR OWN TIME, PREFERABLY WHEN I’M NOT AROUND. FUCK OFF.

A birthday: In 4 pictures

Hopefully, you all knew that my birthday was on the 21st (August, ehem). Graciouslly, all my friends were part of it. Well, I wasn't here in Kl on the 21st, so the 19th then.


A Picture of my cake

So elegant. So sweet. Just how my day started.
Wore a new skirt (oh yay, clothes). Went to MidValley. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Michelle, Zu and Elaine. Pretty darn good, I would say. Had lunch I think, or something like that. Went to get my results - Not bad :) But I'm not telling.


Now you see the BIG picture

The whole kaboodle. Flowers untouched in the scramble. To be honest it didn't look too bad till i dropped the box 2 feet from my front door. But Hey, what can you do?

Went to my parent's office. Mum stalled (you'l get why later). Mum drove me home. I see a blonde person running barefooted, closely followed by a skinny asian chick. The plot thickens.


Candles buried in the aftermath of the cake fight

I am told to go to the swimming pool to get something from the restaurant manager. Highly unlikey so I suspect a devious scheme. Mum was never good at lying. I spot about 7 of my, ehem, friends, lying in wait at the lift. They are holding whipped cream cans. This doesn't look good.

I bolt down past the restaurant counter (the manager looking surprised to sayt he least) and round the corner to the ladies toilets. In heels nonetheless. I ditch my precious bag in an attepmt to run faster.

I am PELTED with water balloons. Sneaky buggers. Didn't see that coming. I slam the door in defiance to their short range weapons. "You'll never take me alive!" I yell. I hold them off for a precious few moments till one of the low-lifes slip through an open window and I am once again forced to flee! Through the barrage of whipped cream and water balloons, I attempt to hurtle to safety.

All in good fun of course. Shaun, being his single-minded self, tries to throw me int he pool, but i vehementlly insist that i have my period and he forgoes the dunking. HAH. But it was a ligit excuse, so a smaller "hah", then.

The rest of the party was cool. A very like my-kinda-crowd party. Loud laughing. Boiterious shenannigans. And lots of throwing of food. Even my precious cake was not spared. I managed to stuff some in Jerry's ear. BAM! BULLSEYE! A nifty tactic I picked up on my last birthday party - thanks to Durvesh. Its incapasitates the victim and makes it quite hilarious to watch. Poor dude looked like he had ear wigs :) And squealed like a girl. Mwahaha. sorry jer 0:)


Getting all the candles out wasn't easy

Pizza arrived. We dove on it like a pack of dogs. All gone. Cake was quarter eaten, quarter thrown. The rest was MINE, ALL MINE. Took it home in what was left of the box. Dropped said box 2 feet from front door. Still edible though. Figured that in it's present condition noone would eat it tomorrow morning int he box os packe dup in neat plastic boxes. THough "should make a nice breakfast tomorrow. Noone's going to touch it" And guess what? noone touched it. It was all MINE. Ate it all on the way to Pangkor, Saturday morning.

Quick and easy. all my posts should be like this.

Much thanks to people: Michelle Tan, Zu Yi, Elaine, Lea, Hlbl, Chel, Hui Ying, Chris, Daniel, Shaun, Durv, Jerry and friends (haha "and friends").
I shall get you ALL awesome xmas presents.
And also thanks: Adam for calling, and Seng for sending an ah-beng message.

Apologies that my phone camera sucks. It's an old phone, geez! Have a good life.

Video Post

Thought it might be high time I posted some quality homemade video since I have so much of it and some are pretty funny.

#1 Xmas Party 2004

The guy in the chair is Shaun Tan, current resident of Tonbridge Skool, Inggerland. The little kid's name is Aaron and the son of my dad's friend. The brat's a damn rascal but listens when told to do mischief. His hands are covered in - guess what. (Clue: Ptooi!)

#2 Xmas Party 2004

I TOLD you the kid was a terror. Here's further hand-spitting. Oh, and the 3 terrified fellas running away are Seng and Shaun. Halibullah was cowering elsewhere.

That's all for now folks. Hols are great for bumming around, aren't they? *cue contented sigh*

What I WANT

Seeing as my birthday's coming up (yeah, it IS), this could be the most important post yet!

Yeah uh huh. That's right. Well whatever. heh nvm.

WANT LIST:

Pintsize hoodie




I don't know why I love this thing so much, but I just do. I might be the hilariousness of the QC comic, or the simple black outline but it just speaks to me, y'know?

Well whatever it is, I want it! Problem is, it's U$D49, and that's a problem. U$D49 (or RM184) is waaay more than I can spare on a hoodie. Love it as much as I do, I just can't.

But I'm open for generous birthday donations...

An Apple iPod mini (tho I don't have to put in Apple tho, do I?)


I was tempted at first to put in a colour preference but after mulling it over for a couple microseconds, I remembered that beggars can't be choosers, so the iPod, whatever colour, will be greatly appreciated (as long as it comes with a receipt so in the case I find it hideously repulsive, I can exchange it for a more eye-pleasing colour). Nah, I'm not that much of a brat. Problem is, I already have a couple mp3 thingies so I doubt very much I will receive this. I also doubt I have to list the reasons for wanting this?

a vacation to a tropical isle


Isle sound so much more exclusive than island, doesn't it? Well yeah, I was hoping for an island getaway this year for my bday but the big bad haze had to creep round and that sorta put a damper on things. But Sunway's still a hope...

good A-level Results

Seeing as the results come out 2 days before my birthday, it would be a sort of early present, but a great one at that. I pray that I've been a good girl this year - wait, no. That's Santa Claus, Ah well wtv, C'mon big guy, I'd much rather have good results than presents.

* * *

Nothing else I really want. I have great friends, a great family. I just want material things. Don't really have a need for much else.

Note: If you ever feel like swimming in warm melted chocolate, just go swimming in a normal pool for about 15 minutes and do a couple of laps. The water feels a little thicker after a while and warms up to your body temperature. Tho swimming in chocolate would still be great tho. And I've always wanted to try mud/jello wrestling...

Unappreciative Rugrats

(Before I begin, I just want to point out that the 2 month delay between entries is due to the lack of proper ranting material. Anything in my life that is not even remotely funny or angsty cannot be put in this blog. I forbid it.)

There are some things in his life that may seem intolerable to some, but I can pretty much handle it. Take for example yesterday while watching Fear Factor (when I say watching, I mean it was on and I there was nothing else better). While I witnessed both my dad AND my uncle squirm in sheer terror watching grown men puke out live stink bugs and curdled milk, I watched in slight fascination and exasperation that grown men can be such sissies. I can also handle loooong episodes of boredom, thanks in some part of the single siblinghood that I grew up in.

But what I CAN NOT stand is how some people can be so ungrateful with what they have. Never mind the Porche in the driveway and the first class education that you are getting. Nope, it’s never enough.

Then again, some people are just born whiners.



What they have
When a person gets something, or receives something that they may or may not have deserved (assuming it’s a good something), then that person should be grateful. Right?

WRONG

Trust me; you think you have it bad? You have no idea what these privileged people go through. What with no money worries and all. The top-flight education they receive is nothing, never mind the rest of us stuck in what the snooty people call “cattle-class” education. Granted, life is what we make of it, but how can you compare a 15K education in a developing country to a 20K per term education in a world-class institute, renowned for churning out Cambridge and Oxford graduates.

What they want
Sometimes I don’t KNOW what they want. Do they WANT a meagre life? Chances to scrabble around the dirt for missed opportunities, and work their ass off for a place they could just buy their way into? Granted, some really make the best of those chances and still search for the qualities that money cannot buy. What I’m talking about here are the ones that complain and whine and moan about the harshness of what others may see as a golden egg.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. Hugh Grant’s character learned that in 2 Weeks notice, Counting Crows learned that with Big Yellow Taxi. Its time for the ungrateful and SPOILED lot of them learned that life ain’t all peaches and cream.



But Whyyyyyyyyyyy?
I’m not sure why some people are so selfish and self-obsessed, as if the world revolves around them and their misery. But I’ll try and clarify.

Attention
Living in a household where money is no object, most people tend to lean towards the materialistic aspect of being well-off. Given that if you have a computer, you aren’t poor. Just to make sure you don’t claim to be a poor little kid and place yourself in the same level as the starving child in Ethiopia. To be clear: attention is not asking you father for more money in the hope that he’ll say no and beat you. No, that is not asking for attention, that is a mental defect. Attention is whining on and on about something that is clearly not a problem and making yourself out to be a martyr of some kind. Repeat after me: you are not poorly. You are not unfortunate. Get a GRIP and go waste your breath on someone who CARES.

Acceptance
“All your friends are poorer than me. If I can’t be poor, I’ll act poor so I can fit in!”
What a brilliant plan! When your friends find out you’re an impostor, not only will they despise you for lying to them, they’ll probably mooch off you as punishment. And the worst part? You’ll probably let them, seeing as you don’t have real friends anymore. At the risk of sounding cliché, be yourself. So what, just be cause you are more privileged than your peers, you don’t have to flaunt it. They may be awestruck in the beginning but they’ll get used to it and like you for who you are, not who you WANT to be. Movie morals: learn them. God knows, Disney has drilled it into our culture enough.

Character
If the above 2 don’t apply, then it’s probably a character defect. That is, you don’t have enough of one.
Spend a little bit more money and treat yourself once in a while. More than likely, you’ve been holding back spending and going into denial whenever people say “oh, you’re rich”. If you can afford it, get the rich complex out of your system and you’ll acclimatise to the vast wealth that you have. It’s not a bad thing to be rich, you know.
Run around a bit more, scrape some knees and fall down more. Bruises build character (especially those on the face [just kidding {no really, black eyes are cool}]).

And as a footnote, I’m confining this blog entry to those who are rich and whose friends keep telling you to stop whining. This has been a community service message.

that night last friday

homemade, 100% original video thing i made from pics and vids. Download Here Sorry about the really bad quality. Msg me if you want the Real Player format.

That time of the month again...

On the most part being a girl is pretty cool. We get to wear pretty clothes and get all stupid with our friends. None of that macho-testosteone-driven competitiveness and trash talk. We have a huge variety of clothes to chose from and can usually talk/flirt our way out of trouble. We probably have a wider selection of friends too. I mean, we can have cool gay guy friends. I doubt a girl who was a lesbian would hang out with a bunch of guys (I say a bunch on purpose) coz they'd just all get drunk and make her make out with someone (I've seen it happen).

Yeah so there are down sides too. Girls are bitchier. Girls are noisier. Blah blah blah. Yeah what ever. We have to deal with so much more shit than guys. I can't even start to complain. We have a higher threshold for pain believe it or not (try giving BIRTH fellas) so by the graciousness of the Lord above, He decided to give us pain. Guys get masturbation; girls get MENSTRUATION*. I dont think that's fair...

If you think having blood leak out from you is SO easy, take note:

Period Cramps

The shittiest bitchcrap you will EVER recieve. But they vary. Sometimes your internal organ just throbs and aches like a fat kid is jumping up and down on your spleen all day; or it hurts like a mothafker like you've just been STABBED the blunt end of a baseball bat.



I have no FRICKING idea why we get period cramps. Something about the uterus contraction or whatever, I think. Whatever it is, curling up into a tiny little ball helps a lot and God help the guy who tries to move me.

Horniness

Ah, the sex drive. I don't know whether this particular effect has been documented but because of the hormone changes in a woman's body, she get's horny. The urge to procreate is hard to ignore and the unfortunate few who do jump into one-night-stands end up regretting it after the hormones have passed and found out they did it with an ugly fat bastard.

PMS



I never know whether it's Pre- or Post- but it could well be present becasue PMS is here to stay and it ain't gonna be pretty. When its before your period, its like a little trigger in your head telling you "Go on, be a bitch! It's OK..." And you listen tho you know its _wrong. For me personally, when I feel the bitch-trigger go off I know wits about that time of the month.
Research states that women who socialise together, often trigger a hormonal reaction that syncronises the mentrual cycle
Apparently, it's supposed to be an evolution ary thing so the women all have babies at the same time etc. In this day and age, it just means a gang of easily irritable females waiting to rip your head off.

Bloating

I hate feeling fat. Everyone hates feeling fat. Even skinny people hate feeling fat, even though, bless their precious gag reflex, they aren't. But it's just a feeling and nothing a deep breath and a mirror won't cure.
Not during "that time", though. Ohhhh no. Not only do you ache and writhe in pain and scream at random people in the corridor, you BLOAT. Damn stupid water retention is a fact of life but it kicks into overdrive thanks to our lovely friends, the hormones.
And you CAN'T suck in your bloated belly anyway; because you have $@%^#$%&#^%$&@$%^@#%$^@$#^ period cramps.

Tampons and Pads



Ain't your ordinary favourite things. Dealing with the side effects is one thing. Having to maintain your dignity is another. I've heard horrendously embarassing stories about stains and carpets/chairs/family dinners. If you're not prepared for it, you can be caught seriously off guard and it's waaay more embarassing than getting caught with your pants down. Stains aren't that easily rectified.

Jamming a small wad of cotton into a private orfice isn't pretty OR painless either (yeah I know I'm being all gross about this but we have to get into the "comfort zone" about this [spoof Oprah]. Puh-lease, if you can't deal, you'll never learn and this is valuble insight into female problems which means you'll be a more sensitive and caring person for it. There are only a few more paragraphs.) Its pretty gross as the end result too. All I can say is, you can't really be "Carefree" when you're wearing a small adult diaper or an enlarged cotton bud.

So saying that you are prepared, and everything is more or less sanitary and clean, there's till the issue of disposing the bloody thing and I don't know whether if it's just me or Malaysia but in MY world, you fold the pad and wrap it up BEFORE thrinking it into the sanitary bin. Why? Because, a) It prevents the blood from your uterus that was caught in a cotton mini-diaper, from touching the bin, and b) BECAUSE ANY IDIOT IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU FOLD IT STICKY SIDE OUT AND THEN THROW IT, ITS GOING TO STICK. And that causes jamming and then it gets gross, and then people get PISSED OFF. So use your brain next time.

SO yeah, being a woman is great the other 25 days of the month. And God is great and almighty(please don't smite me) but he is, as one actor read from a lame script,
Just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. And we're the ants.

I suppose it's all fair. Being the superior sex is nothing without a little pain and sacrifice. And I already sacrifice enough time and effort just putting up with the ignorant on a daily basis.

*For those of you who don't know what mentruation is, it's once a month when blood leaks out from a woman because its all part of the great design and if you finished high school you should know this by now. If you're a guy, you ought to know, if you're a girl, you will. Oh, you WILL...

HOT moments in cinema

Oh yeah! Finally, a post with substance. More hotties, less ranting. This promises to be a happy post.

Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker [Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith]



Hot Moment: After having premonitions of Padme's death, he sits bolt upright (a la Hollywood nightmare moments), sweaty and panting.
Hotness Rating: 8 out of 10 - Because I never really liked Anakin from the beginning, but this is his defining moment. He has redeemed himself! Plus, the sad, lame attempt at acting in Episode 3 was excruciating to watch. (Shazeea quotes me on my thoughts)

Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King [Blade: Trinity]



Hot Moment: After being kidnapped by the evil vampire bitch woman, is taken to a steel room and chained to the floor. It is here that the audience sees his beautifully sculpted upper torso. Will ya just LOOK at that 8 pack. You can count em too.
Hotness Rating: 7 outta 10 - Killer bod but shame about the face. The dialogue Ryan Reynolds is given is pathetic; filled with lame one liners and the overuse of the F word. Thankfully there's the ubercool Wesley Snipes back staking vamps and Ryan's just there for eye candy. Heck, I'm not complaining.

Thomas Jane as The Punisher [The Punisher (DUH)]



Hot Moment: When he dons the skull shirt and kills a few bad guys. The hotness builds up.
Hotness Rating: 6 and a half outta 10 - When he first does put on the shirt, you get the feeling that he mistakenly shrunk it in the wash or bought it a size too small. It IS really tight on him. But after a few scenes you get used to it and start to admire this fellas rock hard bod and think "hmm not bad Mr Jane"

Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spiderman [Spiderman]


Before - dorky

After - buffness

Hot Moment: The morning after getting bitten, he wakes up and looks into the full length mirror.
Hotness Rating: 9 out of 10 - The mere juxtaposition of Scrawny Tobey and a buffed up Spidey is enough to get my spider sense tingling. He may not be the best looking guy in the list but the glory and success of the movie with a newly buffed up hero is good enough to earn him a 9.

COMING SOON:

Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman [Batman Begins]



Hot Moment: Training in a dojo somewhere [trailer]
Hotness Rating: 7 and a half outta 10 - Batman is sexy. Young batman is sexier. Young batman training for revenge topless while getting hit with sticks is Sexy times 10. Something about getting buffed up for a purpose gets you blood pumping. And I hear the movie is good too.

Chris Evans as Tim Storm/The Human Torch [The Fantastic Four]



Hot Moment: Flaming up in the heat containment unit [trailer]
Hotness Rating: 9 outta 10 - One of the truly hot guys. Damn good looking plus he's got the ability to light any girl's fire (pun intended) and he can fly! Witty dialogue and a way cool power gives Mr. Evans a well-deserved 9. Can't wait for the movie! Flame on!

Movie are a great way to escape reality. Always a place with hot guys, hot gals, explosions and car chases. Like I said, escape from reality! Bring on the Summer movies!

Female Oppression

No, no, this is not another one of my rants about how women are repressed or so on and so forth...

OK, maybe just a bit.

But it's quite hard to believe, in our fast-paced and developing society that there are still some people who, in their infinite ignorance, still insist that girls are supposed to be this, or this, or this. God, it makes me so mad (not you personally, God. You're cool)

So, I asked the stupid, pig-headed mis-informed individuals: WHY do you think such things? This is what they came up with...

Girls are dainty

And we are all supposed to be wearing pretty pretty frocks and painting portraits and crying for help when we are unable to open the pickle jar lid. Because we are dainty.



Real proper ladies are supposed to be seen not heard. And kept helpless and useless.

OM F@#$%@#$ G. Get a GRIP. Ever heard of the Feminist movement?! Women Empowerment? Evidently NOT! If being "dainty" means being a "lady", FINE. I can be a lady, I can be polite in public, but don't EVER say to me that being a lady is putting up and shutting up. We all have vocal chords for a reason.

Moving on...

Girls are fragile



"Oh, I broke a nail."

Guys usually use this phrase as an example of female vunerability.

OK, fellas, first off: Broken fingernails hurt like a bitch. You try growing your nails for a month or so and let one of your buddies break it off for you. 100 bucks for any guy who doesn't go "MuthaFCUKER!!". And why do girls grow their nails long? Because of stupid society saying it's good! Its makes you a woman! It distinguishes you from the men! Can you say BS, loud enough? Sure, nail polish is advertised as a feminine product, but with the right advertising, men would take to nail polish like a cat to cream. Don't believe me? Guess who's nails are these:



Yeah, those are a guy's nails. No joke. And I painted the nails of 5 different guys in the span of a couple of days. Voluntarily. See? All you cosmetic companies out there, you have a new market! HAH, the day they start advertising nail polish for men is the day I relinquish my title as Neo-Feminist Drama Queen (and I don't give that up easily).

Girls are Delicate

Delicate enough to be enlisted and kick enemy butt. Delicate enough for you? Not me personally, but those brave women all over the world fighting in wars and conflict. If they are so delicate, then how would they survive? And none of that Army training bullshit. ALL girls are capable of kicking ASS and should rightfully do so whenever they feel like it.



Kickboxing, Tae Kwando, Judo, Karate. All self defence and martial arts designed for the protection of the human body against antagonists, e.g. would-be rapists and future castration nominees. I'm sure event he most butt-headed idiot knows how to throw a punch or two.

Alright, given that men are biologically stronger and more adapted to physical combat, women are still capable of holding their own. Plus, we don't have that... sensitive spot you "men" have.

Still think I'm wrong? Watch Kill Bill and then try and argue with me again.


don't F@#K with me

Oh, and the idiots that provoked me into this lenghty rant were my parents. They teach me something new everyday. I did not know I was a goddess till now.

The (Not-So) Simple Life

I do not like The Simple Life ("starring" Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as the dumb "blonde" skanks they are). For many reasons, other than I have a thoroughly intense disliking for Paris Hilton and believe that an hour of people's daily lives should not be wasted in watching garbage.



Below is irrefutable proof that The Simple Life not only will make you dumber, but will also lower your IQ by 20 points.

*If you didn't catch the repetition in the previous line - further proof that by the mere mention of the show, you are disabled temporarily.

The Title - The Simple Life



An insult to the kind and extremely patient families with who the rich brats stayed with. By labeling their life style as "simple" the producers are also further indicating that rich brats are stupid and useless and can't even handle "simple" farm/household chores.

I wonder whether the family was at any point tempted to beat some sort of sense or decency into the girls. Heck, I know I would. If I were raised in a farm-like environment, sure as hell my pappy would beat me for not talking back or listening to the devil's music. It sure would make the show a hell of a lot more interesting.

"Paris, come here. I told you no short skirts?"
[Paris] "But, I thought, uh...um... Nicole?"
[Nicole] But like, its like -
*Bitchslap 'em both across the face*

There, problem solved. And the World is better off for it. Which brings me to my next point...

Educational TV

Even though most shows won't promote "educational value" on the Tv, if you think about it, most of htem do actually teach you something. Take, for example, The Drew Carey Show. No educational value in that, you say? Take another look. It teaches how a big, overwieght guy can get thru life ok with help from friends, a good sence of comic timing and a really ugly collegue to tease. Plus, it's a comedy which helps you release stress and tention by enabling you to laugh. There! You are better for it already.



The Simple Life however (minus 5 IQ points of mentioning it), teaches nothing but the inverse relationship between millions in the bank and the ability to walk in a straight line. I have yet to glance thru an episode where the lack of sheer common sense caused a disaster/mishap/flashing. If It does teach us anything, its that rich people shouild not be on shows while handling any sort of machinery. And that's valuble information.

The Stupid Life


See the resemblance?!


I've tried it and milking a cow does actually take considerable skill, but pouring milk from one place to another does not. I don't know whether they are pretending to be stupid or it just comes naturally. Which ever it is, the show is completely devoid of any real display of human qualities. For all the blondes out there who have been desperately trying to banish the "dumb blonde" stereotype, congratulations, this show going to forever reciprocate in the minds of future generations to come.

Eugh I'm tired. And if I mention the name of that damned show again I'm gonna faint.

Take heed. I'm only doing this to protect what is left of your MIND.

Things that are overrated

I am sick and tired of people always going "OMG, ________ is so great!" when it is obviously repetitive/lame/stupid/outdated. Here is my tribute to them.

Star Wars (especially Episode 3)



There is no rational explanation for why people would purposely go out of their way to watch this movie. Everyone KNOWS what's going to happen anyway. There is no such thing as a spoiler for this movie.

What Happens:

Anakin becomes Darth Vader

Padme dies

Luke and Leia are born (and are therefore exposed as siblings and twins which therefore spoils the plot of the original movies

The Sith defeat the Jedi (evil over good) as per the TITLE

Not that I dislike all Star Wars movies, because I don't I happen to be a big fan of the original 3. I just find that George Lucas is milking the Star Wars franchise for all its worth. I mean, wasn't the series FINE with the TRILOGY? Now what are we supposed to call it? The Star Wars Sexology? George Lucas should learn to keep his grubby little fingers away from things that shouldn't be tampered with.

The OC



Is it just me or does the OC seem like a teenage version of The Bold and the Beautiful? You've got all the main elements of a soap opera in there: hot/beautiful/aesthetically pleasing actors and actresses, "designer" sets in "exotic" locations, weekly/daily/hourly problems that would cause dire circumstances within the immediate social circle but wouldn't effect the insignificant and uninvolved families around that are not part of the show (yet). Its all very self-centered and egotistical when the producers of the show expect viewers a million miles away to cry and weep for a self-centered brat who expects everything to go their way. And note: all of them are filthy RICH. How unfair is that? The OC is just one death away from swapping actors and using soft lighting to hide the aging performers' wrinkles (because people don't age in real life)

Coldplay



I just don't get it. They claim to be "rockers" but the only thing they rock at is the ability to put me to sleep. I have yet to hear a Coldplay song that makes my toes dance or my heart pump. Even the videos are boring. The one with the disappearing dude was cool and all but nothing extravagantly rocker about them. There should be a new genre of music labeled "Soft soft rock" and all rock/lullaby songs should be labeled as such and rated on their ability to give listeners the most visual dreams while listening. Nothing over 50 decibels - it'll be too loud


Now don't get me wrong, I don't purposely dislike popular culture or anything. In fact I embrace it! I just like giving credit where credit is due and the above 3 suckers don't in the least deserve the credit that the mass of millions give to them.

[I don't think they can be said to be completely OWN3D, but its a start and it's late at night]

Personality Tests

HAH. Here's how some half-bit, crap-ass online personality quiz rated me as:

Boyz and Girlz: Where do you stand? An online Personality Quiz by FC and VB. Type B: THE MALIGNANT NARCISSIST You emerge as a primarily aggressive (sadistic) personality with secondary antisocial, narcissistic, and paranoid features. This personality configuration is consistent with the somewhat disturbed personality syndrome that psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg (1984) called "malignant narcissism." Malignant narcissism has four core components: [Here's where I come in...] - Extreme grandiosity and self-confidence to the extent that one is incapable of empathizing with others' pain and suffering (a narcissistic quality). Half the people you know may tell you this is a quality, period. [And the other half worship me as a self-proclaimed goddess. How righteous...] - A social "conscience" dominated by self-interest. Malignant narcissists have a defective superego, or lack of conscience (an antisocial quality), accompanied by a sense of entitlement and a messianic self-perception; you view yourself as special – a law unto yourself (a narcissistic quality). Half the people you know may tell you, again, this is just good and legit to be. [Hey, if I don't look out for me, noone will. As a female, I do gravitate towards those things cute and cuddly and can you blame me for wanting to protect a few harmless little things... at the off chance of meeting a really cute marine biologist who will take me diving and seduce me a la Adam Sanders in "50 First Dates" (tho he'd be a hell of a lot cuter)] - Unconstrained, self-serving aggression (a sadistic quality). You display narcissistic rage, rooted in grandiosity and sense of entitlement, an all-consuming quest for revenge, for righting perceived wrongs and personal slights. Half the people I know will tell you, and some very blatantly so, that this is just right. [OK, first and upfront, I don't take SHIT from NOONE (all the people I know will tell you that). You piss me off bad enough, I'll personally do away with you and dance on your burned and buried corpse. And don't EVER fucking mess with me on a PMS day. I warned you.] - A paranoid outlook. Underlying your grandiose facade, you bear a siege mentality. You do not understand your own role in creating enemies and use real or imagined enemies as justification for your aggression. Rather than acknowledging your personal shortcomings and inadequacies, you "split off" devalued aspects and project, or attribute them, to an external enemy, which you may then attack. Bleuler properly described these symptoms, in 1908, also replacing the much older classification of "dementia praecox", emphasizing the dissociative phenomena. [Hell. With all that "unconstrained, self-serving aggression", I'm bound to make a few enemies now and then. Those who cannot see the animal-saving, glorious side of me; too bad for you, you anal rententive sadists. If you aren't my friend, you probably did something to piss me off. And if you haven't, you will] Paranoid qualities are to some extent a function of an underlying sadistic character (which by definition is hostile and distrusting), exacerbated by alienation. In other words, underlying personality attributes are reinforced and sustained by negative feedback from the social environment. You behavior reflects deep-seated anger and hostility, permeated by a sense of entitlement and narcissistic rage and portend a propensity for unrestrained discharge of hostile impulses against perceived adversaries which you hold in utmost contempt. Your narcissistic fantasies are remarkable for their extraordinary force. Both half the people you know plus the other significant half the people I know will agree that you are just fine. [OK. To the fucktards who wrote this Crap, that's just plain redundant. "Both half the people you know plus the other significant half the people I know will agree that you are just fine" - Uh, YEAH. Which means ALL the people you know like ME more than your judgmental, sadistic, over-compensating ass. The whole damn thing is based on a fucking 10 question "quiz" which, by the way, didn't even have proper fucking questions. Only some lonely, deranged mental asshole could possibly waste enough time designing that quiz. And that delightful person, would be YOU. Have a nice afterlife moron.]

There is no reasonable explanation to why the world audience is drawn to (ass-kissing) personality tests. The growing number of so-called 'tests' on the internet indicates a larger curiosity towards the human psyche; especially our own. However, due to the extremely unreliable and inaccurate results and imbicility of the questions imposed, it is a pressing question that asks "Why are personality tests so popular?"

(1) Self Esteem
"You are the best person in the world! Go out and celebrate your greatness! You rule!" That's what EVERYONE wants to hear. But hey, not everyone gets to be me, so hence, personality test answers. The majority of the world population who are surfing the net are blatantly ugly. No question. So hey only have their personality to rely and even that is put into question on a daily basis. So what do people do? Log on to some take-this-test-to-let-us-tell-you-how-great-you-are site and let them do the ass-kissing for you! In place of real friends, of course; because people are mean - computers..gooood.... Get a life losers!

(2) Boredom
There are a trillion sites on the internet and you just HAPPEN to surf onto an ass-kissing site. And your excuse? Boredom. Get real, you were looking for self gratification - kiss my ass if you can't kiss your own.

(3) Spouses
Oh yeah. You can see this happening the world over. It's always some over-bearing bimbo who insists that you take this test so that you can PROVE that you are compatible. *HINT HINT* Chances are that (a) she needs self assurance because you are a cheating FAG, or (b) You'll dump her ass because its people like that who spur the growth of personality tests. Report her to the proper authorities and save your self and your computer from sitting thru online group therapy sessions. (This applies to the ladies too. It's always the "macho" ones, watch out)



Personality quizzes are good for a laugh, don't get me wrong. Just don't change your life because its says that your "life colour" is yellow and in a past life your were the Dalai Lama or Jimi Hendrix (tho that would be majorly cool). It's all a pile of crap and I guarantee you that a million other people have gotten the exact same responses as you. You are NOT unique, to the test, you are just a number.

Don't be a statistic. BOYCOTT PERSONALITY TESTS.

Pullin faces

This is how I feel right now. Why? Because I have so much to say and am too tired to say it.

Suck shit.

Ok, well to help with your daily dose of nonsense, here's a list I thought up today.

Things to do in an exam
Number 1: Cough or sneeze every 2 or 3 minutes. Be sure to aim for the exposed neck of the person sitting in front of you.



Number 2: Answer the question, but in the wrong order. That way, if they question you about it, tell them you answered the paper but are chronologically dyslexic.

Number 3: Quietly hum or sing "100 bottles of beer on the wall" under your breath just loud enough so that the surrounding people can hear, but quiet enough to get away with it. Maddening I tell you...

Number 4: Periodically drop pens, erasers, rulers etc on the floor beside you and wait a full minute before picking it up with a gasp of "so THAT'S where it went!"

Number 5: Ask inane questions to the invigilators like "Does the answer go here?" or "Should I use a black pen or a blue pen?". If they get wise to you, start crying about how this exam is important to your overall career aspirations and weep like a bitch. Deep down, all teachers are pussies.

Number 6: Do a cat stretch (where you lift your arms up) and wait a while. (if you go any of the lecturers I got, they'll be around in 30 seconds, offering you extra paper) - decline and say you were stretching. Lower, wait and repeat.
This one is good as an excuse too - "The incompetencey of the lardass lecturers made me fail! I mean, I WAS asking for extra paper, but they didn't give me any! I could SUE!"


Don't be a dumbass. If you're gonna cheat, don't get caught!

Note: I take NO responsibility for your shitty grades, obnoxious lecturers or pissed-off parents. YOU fail, YOUR fault.

So Anyway, walking around Ikano for 3 hours does gove one's mind time to think.

Spread the good word my friends...

Motorised rocking chairs - going nowhere fast

A couple weeks back I had an epiphany. Well not exactly an epiphany, but more like a weird realisation of sorts.

Situation: Shopping around in 1 Utama
What For: no idea
With: Parents

Yeah, so now you know what I was dealing with: extreme boredom, tiredness (cos I had been walking ard for 3 fking hours), freezing legs (I was wearing a skirt pardon moi) and blisters (@#$@#$%# shoes). Well, NOW you know.

SO, in a brief moment of instant aging, my parents popped into the stupid OSIM shoplot on right side of the walkway (I remember this distinctly). Why, you ask? Beats the hell outta me. I asked and all I got was "Shhh we're talking". Right, so the lifetime I've had of "be assertive", "Speak your mind" has all been washed down the proverbial drain with "Shhhh, grown-ups are talking". Well, thats nice...

For those of you who have had the fortune to stay out of those upscale whorehouses, what they sell are physical 'gratification' machines. Stupid "i'm-going-to-rip-you-off-and-make-you-feel-good-about-it" company. (OK fine, massage chairs)


But cmon! Look at the goddamn website!

Well, yeah I mean, they are pretty cool for the first 10 minutes of so when you can bully the attendents (and they are pretty attentive - unlike the assholes in some fancy restaurants) and relax a little. But after about the 11th minute, I realised that "shit, my parents might actually buy something..."

So while the money-grubbing slaves were licking my father's feet in the hope of leeching 5K for a dumb moving chair, I explored the shop, hoping to cause as much chaos as possible (teeheehee).

What I discovered:

This is preferable to a face mask? Yeah, imagine how attractive this would be if you found it lying around... Green gloop a la carte? Anyone?


Called the "Tappie".
OK, minus marks for the most boring and childish name ever. Plus, on the website, it says it's 'portable'. I fear that we are approching an age where the best things are moveable at will. I am afraid that instant electronic massages are in danger of being an everyday occurance. They say that necessity is the mother of invention. What desperate need does this thing actually fulfil?

There was another little gadjet in the shop - some eye massager thing. Tried it on for fun. Apparently, it had different settings: wave, pulse and wave/pulse. The first thing I noticed was that when I put it on, There were little eye holes so i could SEE while i was wearing it (possibly to enable the wearer to observe the rententive looks on the people looking at them). But what is the purpose of being able to see out of that thing? Are you planning of doing housework while wearing that monstrosity? Good grief; if you can afford the electronic face fucker-up, u can sure as hell afford a maid. Get a grip ppl!

Well as this saga concludes, my parents DID actually buy a chair. This one:

Now isn't that a rocking chair waiting to happen?

Five fucking K down the drain.

AND what's fucking more, the chair is designed by the moronic people in the WEST, so what happens is the "shoulder" massage turns into a migraine waiting to happen (get my drift). Not just because I'm short, but the "shoulder area" is aprroximately 3 feet from the ass area. Now measure that against your own body and figure it out yourself.

So what was the epiphany I encountered (refering back to the first para)?

Don't EVER go into a "relaxation" shop with the oldies. It'll only lead to the inevitable - them getting older and you having to work for a living (which i hear sucks shit, btw) and supporting them on your meagre income

Testing out the waters...

Right, here is an example of my html incapacity. Thought this picture was worth putting up on this shrine o' mine just on the sole basis that is is a) time wasting, b) fun and c) something i would SO do. More useful/less content is COMING.

Woah First Post

Well, first post. I suppose I've succumbed to the cyber-pressures of internet space wastage buy filling it with my useless spew. What should I write here? I have a few options. I could: 1) Whine and cry about how my life sucks and how noone ever listens to me and therefore reinforcing that claim because I have resorted to publishing it online for random fuckers who don't care about me, read about it; or 2) occasionally rant about private things but most of the time publish my accurate and clandestine observations on the human race (especially of the segregated species in this godforsaken country (Malaysia)).

Luckily for the rest of you, option 2 has been chosen. U may now applaud.

[Also, the stupid "Compose" tab on the Posting option is fucked so all my typing is in html now. HAH, i am so gonna fuck up my blog one day.]