Moving on?

So its been more than a week since.

How am I faring?

Ok I guess.

Mornings are considerably easier. It doesn't hurt as much. The pangs are more or less gone, save for the times when I glimpse at a couple that reminds me of what used to be us, then it twinges.

I saw Azzy and bf in the street today while walking back home. Surreal. I always thought (cruelly probably) that we would at least outlast them. Guess not.

I have to stop referring to the past us as "us". It's not past continuous.

But enough moping. Have to get on with life.

Tho I did admit to Mel and Andrea that about half of my motivation for staying is gone. It's still there and it's still worth staying, but I didn't realise how much of the urge to stay was driven by my heart as it were. I'm such a soppy person.

It's always the hard nuts that are the soft cookies in the end.

Oh and P.S. I've learned to cry thanks to the Ex-Boy. And when he ended things, the tears wouldn't stop. It didn't feel like it would, but it's good to get it out of your system as quickly as possible. No point smothering it and pretending that it's gone when it's just buried.

Need to find a new hobby. Or at least a hobby. I'm moving house soon too. To closer to work. And am thinking about getting a new laptop. I've popped open my budget but I'll get it after I move so there's just less stuff for me to transport.

Also Keylet has decided to charge us cleaning fines. For stupid things. I'm fighting it, but I want my damn bond back. There is absolutely no reason for them to charge us and I don't care how long it takes.

Heartache still. Only cos I saw Azzy today with her Boy. And also cos Azzy was one of my links to him. I assume she knows. I bumped into her on Saturday at her work and she didn't mention him. Facebook has it's uses :)

I think I should blog more often. Maybe that'll be my hobby till ! find one that isn't so sedentary.

Also, 22 years old on Saturday! Dinner with Mel and Andrea and work ppl on Friday and gym on Saturday. 10 pound entry. I'm thinking of going for a spa thing but I might not now. I thought I had a voucher but turns out it's only a 10 pound discount.

I'll see how I feel later on this week. It's pay week as well. Yay for Friday!

Well, I don't feel like I should end on such a high, seeing as I'm not really feeling it, so it's bye for now. Till next time blogglar.

There isn't any more

Yes yes.

Another End.

The Boy did it. Not me this time.

I'm supposed to chat with him tonight to get it clear why and that but I figured I'd better update you first cos it's been a while, hasn't it bloggy dearest?

It happened Sunday night during our scheduled chats on Skype. I didn't really see it coming. I lost the fear of losing him somewhere around the 1st year. It's not good to be paranoid that things aren't going to work out. I was at Andrea's place with Melody and we just had steamed fish dinner. I was stuffed.

I went to Andrea's room and talked like I normally do. The mood shifted slightly and we both got a bit quiet. I can't describe it but I was semi bracing myself for something ominous. I was rocked tho. No matter how prepared you are, it's never enough. And I wasn't prepared at all for that.

Needless to say it's beyond saving now. Its painful to say it, but to be honest I don't think there's any way back for us after this heartbreak. I wouldn't trust the fracture to heal.

So I'm supposed to talk to him tonight to clear the air about why. He did say why yesterday but honestly, I wasn't really in the frame of mind to take it in. I owe it to my future self to get closure now, no matter ho much it hurts.

This time, the tag is truly appropriate.

Vanilla Chocolate day

It's been a day of upturns and down spirals. Its difficult to balance both, mainly because they not only happen to me, but to people I know and care about. Here's the break down.

1. Worked until 7.30am. Slept for 1 hour. Woke up at 8.45am for a 9am class. Result: serious sleep deprivation.
2. Presented work in PLR class. Got most of the answers right. Fave tutor teaching. Good start to the day.
3. Checked Summative assessment results. 2 VCs and 1C. I'm more than happy with that.
4. Finished drafting prep in the library while people talked about results. Some were pleased, some were elated. Some were disappointed.
5. Drafting small group with GG. Had to present again because (due to lack of sleep) I didn't want to sit in that class for longer than I had to. Work was ripped to shreds by GG. Got a little sad.
6. Classmates rallied to my defence - or rather on the offensive to GG. So it's not just me then.
7. Had a long chat with Su-Ann. Her Boy has gone off to Turkey travelling for 3 months so she's feeling the void. Thought I would try and cheer her up. I think I helped. I think.
8. Met Tash to accompany her to file a police report. Her passport and debit card was in a clutch bag in a house party and it was stolen. Tres upset and I was trying to help her do what she needs doing. Glad I could help a little.
9. Walked to town to deal with her debit card. Remember: 1 hour sleep. So very very sleepy.
10. Went to Oceana to see if her coat was found (Was lost on Sunday when she went out and was put behind the bar by a friend). Couldn't find it.
11. Went home. 6pm. Slept till 8.45pm.
12. Had food. Housemates are cheerier now even after sad things have happened. Tash is back to smiling again and Jun has returned to using me as an agony aunt. All is well in 72B.
13. Chatted to The Boy. Good news and bad. Tickets to Paris bought! But LLM results were not as expected. If he's sad I'm sad.

Tried to cheer him up. Don't know if it worked. Am aware overly optimistic point of view can be annoying but its how you deal with it personally that really matters. I try and cheer him up and look on the bright side. I do understand but I don't think dwelling on the past and what might have been is helpful. Especially when it comes to results. Exams are meant to be final and the culmination of months of learning. If you put in your all, who can tell you to do anything better? The Boy went quiet and went to bed. Granted it is late where he is. Hope he can see what I'm saying and am only trying to help. Hope he believes what I say is true and not just fluff to make him feel better. It is in part but I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it. I would say the same to myself. Hope he feels better and can still look forward to Paris :)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Always look on the bright side of life.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Be grateful for what you've got, thankful for what you have.

Always remember to feel blessed and never take anything for granted.

Communication frustration

You’ve all heard of sexual frustration – you wanna do it, but you can’t. Same same.

1. France just wants to fk with me. Apparently this complete lack on internet-connectivity is not isolated to one university in one lone part of France, it’s nation-wide. Save the little children from cyber-pedos but wreck all forms of long-distance relationships, why don’t you? Yes, we all know French women are born and bred to sex up the world but you don’t have to give them their own private hunting ground. It’s not fair.
   
   
2. Bloody paperwork and customer service. Both in their extremes in France and neither in the good way. Duplicates, triplicates, come back tomorrow, next week, when we call you back. Nothing ever gets done in France unless you grab someone by the balls and yank at them until their eyes water. That or just suck it in and wait for freaking ages. I should know, I’m waiting still.
   
   
3. Blocking Skype. What the fk is up with that? I mean, what are you so afraid people are going to talk about? If it’s bandwidth you are so pissy about then just don’t give people internet in the first place and they won’t complain about it to you.
   
   
4. MSN Messenger for Mac – has no video capabilities. We know you’re ugly Steve Jobs, not everyone else is. Be a man.
   
   
5. It’s probably due to the time of night, but would it kill you to sound a little more enthusiastic when I call you? We haven’t spoken in a week, at least some sign that you still realise that I mean something to you would be nice. I’ve generally given you the benefit of the doubt and say that you’re tired, you’ve had a long day, you’ve had a stressful week – but given that you cut our conversation short and that we don’t get the chance to get pissed over the “phone”, I feel like I have the right to vent my immediate feelings here. Talking about the fact that you’re still going to be in France next year isn’t one of the glowing points on my list of things that make me smile at the moment. I’m glad that you get to do what you want but I’m not totally ok with it yet – I’m worried. Day by day, Sara. Day by day.

That’s all from me bloggy. It’s been a wonky day. I’m still sore from netball practice on Friday which isn’t at all helping my mood. I want ice cream and chocolate and maybe both. But heaven forbid that I get fat. That wouldn’t help at all, would it?

London "Weekend"

Inner Temple had their Introductory Weekend for Out of London Students this last Friday and Saturday. The normal stuff really. Friday in Dark Suits and formal stuff - Saturday we had a drama thing by LAMDA. Good fun jumping around and breathing and things. I didn't take my camera. Cos i forgot. Sorry.

Stayed at Lea's place! Bless her! Less than 2 days in London and she lets me crash at her place for a night. What would I do without ya Lea?

Interestingly, on Friday I almost missed my bus to London. Then I was almost late for the Inner Temple Registration and things on Friday. Running from Temple Tube Station Aunt Flo decided to come visit. Interesting run indeed. Good thing I was well prepared. Although not so prepared for the heels that I would have to wear all night. Ouchies. But I've been thru worse.

So I got back to Cardiff on Saturday. Almost missed my bus back from London too. I have got to break this crap habit. But I am so not a morning person... sigh.

I've got Opinion Writing to do for Monday so I have to get cracking on that ASAP. MSSCF Welcoming and Hari Raya Dinner on tomorrow evening but I doubt I'll have the time to go. Work first! When I have the time, I'll do as much work as I can, then stone out a little. I can't enjoy free time any more - it's a shame really.

* * *

I also properly realised how much my parents have to sacrifice for me to be here. Not only them, my aunt's been immensely generous in helping us out. I don't know how much, I can't say that I know how much anyway, but the fact that she's helping speaks volumes.

Things being as they are, and me realising the full weight of my burden to succeed, as it were, I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Unless I win some free all-expense-paid trips to anywhere, it's going to be Cardiff Autumn, Winter, Spring. Maybe Malaysia Summer.

I feel completely at a loss of what to do, but at least it's not like I have a choice in the matter. I hope I don't sound resentful, I just feel like the kid who has to stand at the other side of the fence while the other kids ride the roller-coaster.

Oh the vanity!

I love my hair. Whatever I have left of it, I love it.

It's quite long now - about down to my shoulder blades. I went to Vidal Sassoon the other day to make an appointment, armed with my Term 1 timetable, but they didn't havent any student cuts available for 2 months! So I think I'll take it as a challenge and see how long I can keep my hair long till i get fed up with it and chop it off.

Which leads me to my search for hair straighteners. Why hair straighteners? I hear you ask to your computer screen, you mad person. Well since your computer cannot respond appropriately, allow me to answer.

I am well aware that I have relatively straight hair, save for the unavoidable flick at the end where it's a bit dry and unruly. I don't want the straighteners to straighten my hair, I want to use them to curl my hair.

But why not just get curling irons then? Because I don't like the way they operate. They are hot all over and rely on the user to have eyes in the back of their head. I'm not that coordinated when I can't see what's going on, and will and have burned myself before (nothing serious, don't worry). If you read a few months back to about May when I posted pictures of me playing with my hair inbetween studying, all the curls were done using a straightener. I like the method - it's safe and easy for me. Less chance of me melting my ears off with straighteners.

I've found some promising buys on ebay but I don't know if I should take the plunge and buy them yet. If I buy it now, I'm more likely to use them while my hair is very long and "curlable". If I wait longer, I might get fed up with my hair and chop it off, or at least trim it and then the curls won't hang loose anymore.

All in all I don't have the money to spend I don't think. I can't be sure anymore cos my parents dropped a whole lump sum into my savings account and I don't know how much I should spend and save for a month. I haven't done my yearly budget yet. tsk tsk

Flicker of hope

I wasn't going to write anything cos nothing fabulous has happened but it has been a marked improvement on the day before.

Heck any improvement would be a marked improvement from yesterday.

The bank has lowered the overdraft fee to £15 so at least there's some possibility of him paying it on time. Whoo!

The other account holder has paid in about half of what he owes or is going to owe so at least the account is no longer in Debt. No more big D next to the account balance! Whooo!

The BVC bunch were supposed to head out to Oceana tonight but I don't think I'll be going since I have to rely on Jules cos I don't have my passport with me and I have no phone credit. Ah well. A peaceful night in.

I also took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. 5pm to 7.30. Totally Awesome. It makes up for the one and a half hours of sleep that I missed cos the time on my phone was off. I have to get to bed before 12am these days. I'm starting to worry that my panda eyes are permanent.

* * *

I've been part of a contact lens trial for about a month now. They are rigid gas permeable lenses and they are quite good, except when you get something in your eye - then it hurts like a glowing hot poker. It takes some getting used to but I haven't worn them in a while cos of the wind and it's tendency to whick little bits of dirt and aim them straight into my eye. Too bad - cos they are actually better and more hygenic than the soft lenses. And you can keep the same pair for up to a year! Very nice indeed.

Magma

I want to cry.

But that would serve no useful purpose cept dehydrating me.

I want to punch something.

But I'd only crush my knucles and make a bloody mess.

I want to scream.

But I'd like to keep whatever shred of dignity I have left.

I want to throw up.

But I hate the feeling.

I want to cry.

But I won't.

Crummiest Day

Today has possibly been the crummiest day.

Got a letter from the bank saying that the account is going to be charged £25 overdraft fees for an overdraft that was caused by the other account holder - who doesn't seem to be giving a shit.

Yesterday the guy that was supposed to rent the room that is available in my flat decided not to because he doesn't have a UK guarantor - and the girl that really wanted the room hasn't called me back even tho she said she would.

I called The Boy on skype and he didn't pick up - twice.

Any one of these things would have made my day bad but bearable. All three in one day, all occurring in less than 1 hour of each other has got to be a new record.

I can't be bothered anymore to think of the reasons why or justify them, no matter how rational or logical. The fact that they have happened is bad enough and I am too tired to think of all the optimistic, positive reasons. They have happened, and they suck. Life goes on.

Today is officially a Fk-It Day.

Buried

Azzy wants to stay till the end of October but I don’t think we can rent out the room if that’s the case. If you wanted to rent a room for Uni you would want to start from the End of September and at least October.

I guess there are only 2 options, but to me, there’s only one. Azzy will essentially be kicked out of the house (not really, she can still stay, just not in that room) and that’s not going to sit too well with her. I really don’t like making other people unhappy, especially those who have been nothing but nice to me but unless she can guarantee someone taking over then room come the end of October, I don’t see what choice I have. I hope Tash feels the same way – there’s no other alternative as far as I can see. I’d rather not risk having to pay for an empty room for 8 months just to spare someone’s feelings.

I did tell her that it might come to that and she didn’t sound too happy. I wouldn’t either but I have to cover my own ass first before I can consider hurt feelings. I wouldn’t want to be in her place. Then again, I know she wouldn’t want to be in my shoes either.

* * *

The crimson tide hath cometh. And I am tremendously relieved. Even though I know my cycles pretty well and it’s been pretty regular these past few months, the long cycles tend either be rigid to schedule or deviate dramatically. These past 40 days has been one of the dramatic ones. It doesn’t help that it comes on the eve of the day I have to travel to Swansea before travelling to London but you can’t fight Mother Nature. Just one of the many things I have to take in my stride this time round. I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about scaring myself and thinking about the "what ifs”. Its TERRIFYING and I pray that the scare never becomes real. Just thinking about it makes me want to explode and implode at the same time. I hate telling anyone if I’m scared because it’s so stupid and it’s all my fault anyway nad I should know better. And it’s not something you can just tell anyone.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, pray you never will.

* * *

Its been a rough few days I guess. The internet is sporadic at the moment – more down than up but it’s all part of life isn’t it. Go with the flow. If you fight it, you won’t get anywhere and all you’ll have is more white hair and less time to enjoy the things that are worth thinking about. Tho I must admit, it’s been difficult to count my blessings lately. Have to really dig through the muck to find the stuff that makes it all worth while. And it’s worth doing. Otherwise you forget and then you won’t have anything worth living for.

Blessings counted:

1. Parents
2. The Boy
3. Family (extended)
4. Get to go to France
5. Lucky to study in the UK
6. Nice big room to myself
7. People who care about me
8. Food to eat
9. Comfortable place to live
10. Clean running water
11. Electricity
12. Hot water
13. Clothes to wear

There is no point moaning about things that have gone wrong lately. Yeah it sucks but things going wrong are better than nothing going on at all. In a sense that, yes, my house mate has walked out but at least I have a house, friends, people that care. The silver lining is always there if you care to look for one – and it’s not that hard to find. Seeing the silver lining does not mean that you’re naive or ignorant, it’s optimistic focusing. Channelling positive energy and all that.

Personally, I don’t want to think about all the things that have made my last few days quite a shit hole but I’ve done what I can and tomorrow will be better if I leave the problems that I can’t fix behind.

Still. It doesn't stop me feeling all crap. I'll get over it.

Sunny Monday

Woke up this morning with the radiant glow of sunshine permeating through my curtains. Spent an hour reading my latest Jeffery Archer acquisition until I felt too hungry to go and strolled down the corridor to do the toothbrushing business and make some breakfast. No cereal and milk this time – soup noodles with mince beef, veggies and egg! Lovely and warm even if it was a bit too dilute. Didn’t really care, I was too hungry.

Telly time in the living room so while scarfing away at my home-made bowl of flavoured water and noodles, I watched Criminal Intent and Privileged. Currently in the process of watching SVU which I think is far more interesting that the previous two, although am a bit saddened to discover that there is only one season of Privileged. I quite like the character development but I can see how it can get quite annoying.

Rafie came and bought my home phone which I bought from the antiques shop. I got a nicer one on ebay for about the same price and anyway, I can’t return the one off ebay can I...

Thinking of what else I have to do for the rest of the day: watch the remaining recorded episodes of whatever is on the Sky+ box, return pan scourers to Tesco Express and… I’m out of ideas.

* * *

Call the Boy – but he’s busy/I’ve got nothing interesting to say.

Don’t call the Boy – but I miss his voice.

There’s a catch 22 if I ever saw one. Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

* * *

Ah yes, buy new batteries for my wireless mouse. Tho I may have some spare, I can’t find them…

FTS

i think i have become boring girlfriend.

Fk that Sht. Wht the hell is wrong with me? I gotta stop trying so hard.

Moar schopping

meaning MORE SHOPPING. well There are still things I want to buy but have not.

1. I went to Dorothy Perkins today and they HAVE the dress I wanted but not in my size. None in stock and none that they can order in. SHOOT.
2. I hit H&M a few days ago and was considering buying a nice light blue cardigan from them. Unforch its. £9.99 so a bit over my budget right now. Waiting till the parentals come...
3. Tried on the Red Next dress I was thinking of wearing to Grad but its not very flattering now that my middle has shrunk somewhat. I need a fitted, structured dress. Preferably red, preferably fitted.

Hmmm... So one is a size issue, one is a price issue and one is a "I-can't-find-anything-to-wear!" issue. I could always wear what I have in the closet. I have no problem with that looking between the price tags on the racks and my empty wallet. Oh why did my haircut have to cost so much!? Darnit...

Wasted waist?

I'm not obsessed with hair or food or clothes or my looks by my own admission. There is one thing i will admit being slightly obsessed with tho. And that's my waist. Mainly because I'm short and I was quite round at one point and I want that curvy cut-in waist but can never manage to get. That hip-to-waist ratio becomes uber important when you're only 5-foot-nothing.

So cue this morning (or rather "afternoon") when I got up and was feeling rather trim and lean. I lost my measuring tape a while back when I lost my sewing kit so I've resorted to using the AV cable from my Canon camera to measure round. Held the length and folded it in half and measured against the length of an A4 peice of paper which i know from Microsoft Word is 11.89 inches.

Saturday, 12.30pm Waist measurement: 24 inches

Score!

I was really pleased. The last times I measured round (not that often, only when I remember to) It's been 25 inches after I wake up.

I measured round a few times to check that I got it right (Yeah, it was right :)

Remeasured at night as well. 25 inches!

It sounds damn vain to be so happy about this but I'm glad to have a waist. It's amazing how easy it disappears when you're short and it takes all the will power in the world to try not to care when I want to binge out on briyani or something. I'm always going to have a thick waist, it's in the genes and I'm just not built to be skinny. Curvy is the best that I can aim for so that's the goal.

Now I need to hit the gym a bit more to tone up. I'd like to get some of that old gymnastic ab definition back. I used to have a six pack you know - back when I was six tho...

Exam procrastination

Because of exams I am finding new ways for destressing/wasting time.

Here are a collection of pictures that I have taken to illustrate Exam Hibernation Season:

A receipt from Lidl.

The Highlighted yellow items are instant food. Should keep me going for at least a week.

The aforementioned items. Plus some leftover Cadbury's hot chocolate. Which I have now finished. Nesquick ftw!

* * *

I will also be putting up pictures of what I've done with my hair. It's cheap, it's easy and it wastes time. First off: a double French braid.

Not as tight and severe as I usually do it but the looseness makes my hair shiny. A solid 8/10 I think.

Good Friday. Sit. Stay. Play Dead

I think the post title is a little blasphemous but I'm ok with it. If Jesus can't laugh at himself, then he's no fun.

I haven't scrolled thru or re-read my blog in a while but I can't help but remember what I wrote last Good Friday and what was planned for that day. It was a day in March and further research leads me to declare that it indeed was March 21 2008.

I can still remember how I felt and what I wanted to say that day. The Boy and I weren't getting along and frankly he was avoiding me altogether. Fair enough, I had ticked him off and we were actually supposed to have dinner that night. I felt one of us had to reach out to the other one, even if it was just in the form of a friendly handshake to say "that's it I guess". And to all intents and purposes it was just a last-gasp, sombre shot at at least mending the friendship. I was rather bummed out thinking about what we could have been doing at the dinner and the fish fingers I had cooked up for myself weren't helping any.

To be perfectly honest, I can't really remember what I had for dinner that night but as my staple food for the last months of Year 2 consisted mainly of fish fingers and potato waffles, it's a safe bet that was probably it.

Back to the story behind the post...

I remember feeling mildly defeated. Mainly because I didn't expect The Boy to cancel. Or rather, to agree to cancel. But fair play to him, he was really upset. I remember from the time he had asked me to dinner a good two weeks before the date, I was getting all giddy and excited about it. And for it to just vanish in a few words really took the wind out of my sails. It did make me think back and wonder what I said wrong and try to figure out what exactly happened from his point of view.

Yeah, we didn't have the smoothest of starts...

What did I do? I couldn't think of anything. If it's something I can't think of, but he thinks it's so important, should I even give it a try? Maybe this was fate or destiny saying something. I really questioned myself and my actions and at the end of it, I was tired of analysing my every move. I was tired of being so cautious around him.

At this point, rookie readers may think: "Ah, you got rid of him! Good for you! You go girl!" *ZZZTZT* WRONG. Thank you for playing.

I was in the process of flushing him out of my system and the same was with him. Blog dialogue is so ghey but ultimately effective. He blogged about meeting me and getting to know me and finished with

but i suppose, after reading the signs, i cant see where this is going. perhaps if there was no exams going on in a month plus time, things couldve been different. alas, my parents deserve to see some returns for their little outlay; so this time round, its my turn to apologize.

So basically nothing was going to happen. And frankly I was relieved. I was tired of playing little cat and mouse games and I think he was too. I know he's not a fan of the little mind games that I used to do and maybe I went too far in playing with him. That said we ended up having a chat during the Cardiff Games at which I was determined to make peace with The Boy.

I don't know whether it was because I still liked him or because I still wanted him to like me, even as a friend but any discussion to hash things out would be a win-win for me. Clear the air. Sort things out. Clean up the mess. Nothing to lose. I had already lost a friend. What else was there?

If you're still reading till now you could consider this a behind the scenes look into my brain. But I can't help but feel it's like a story that you already know the ending to - kinda like Star Wars Episode 3. Without the screaming.

So with things said and sorted on that Saturday, I was energised and determined to put it to bed once and for all. I needed a plan. I needed to be sure of what I was going to do and stick to it. I actually figured it out in the shower...

It resulted in this post. A full on confession, albeit, a summary of what I felt and what I thought had happened and what I was going to do about it. I was angry. I was determined. I was fed up.

And what did he do? He messaged me and invited himself over to my place to talk. About the post. And he was going to walk over. At 10 o'clock at night. I thought "Blimey. It must be something serious." I agreed.

We talked. I sat on my wooden chair. He sat in the cushioned seat. He said he still liked me. I told him I thought you were done with all that. He said he reconsidered, in the light of what my blog had said. I guess it struck a nerve somewhere.

I was a little confused but that was squashed with the glee and giddiness that 1) he still liked me, 2) he walked all the way over to tell me that, and 3) um, i guess i still liked him. But I already said that in the post.

Back to the present.

Since then, I can't help but look back and think that if we could get thru that, we could pretty much get thru anything if we wanted to. It wasn't the prettiest of starts but we're on more or less the same wavelength now tho the zodiac/horoscopes aren't working in our favour.

Is it foolish to be optimistic about the future? Is there a future that I should be optimistic about? I dare say I'd rather not get my hopes up. I can daydream and fantasize as well as the next person - dare i say, better. One day, one week, one month at a time.

Once a year...

Dear,

I love
my wonderful, caring, kind, generous parents.
my wise, funny, sprightly grandparents.
my concerned, nosy, connected, noisy aunts.
my quiet, doting, compassionate, economical uncles.
my loud, rambunctious, silly, playful cousins.
my whole, crazy, multi-faceted family.
my loyal, hilarious, understanding, patient friends.
my adoring, cute, tolerant, hard-working Boy.
the hot, humid, lively city I am from.
the cool, cosmopolitan, bustling city I grew up in.
the peaceful, friendly, compact city I am studying in.
the tough, brain-busting, mental, worthwhile course I'm doing.
who I am, who I was and who I will be.

I love my life. And everything that makes it up.

A day for love. For loving. And for being loved.
There is no greater force on this earth.

Love thine self. Love your neighbor. Love a stranger.

One day a year we allow ourselves to soak up the entirety of the limitless capabilities of love from all directions.

It sounds an awful lot like Christmas but i think it's rather selfish to focus on one person only when you receive love from so many people, whether its a friendly hello on the bus or a kiss from a long-lost friend.

Remember to keep in mind that we have to be taught how to love. We can't love without people to love us.

Love, Sara.

Damn browsing

While wasting time on the notorious social network site of my choice, I've been browsing thru a few of my 2nd and 3rd degree friend pages. Out of sheer boredom, I guess I end up wondering what my long lost comrades are getting up to.

I don't know about you but there hasn't been the influx of love-ness that there was last spring - maybe because spring hasn't hit yet. Regardless, I've got to admit that quite a few people who I have as friends are practically married to their other half. And I don't mean that in a "I shall get engaged to my sister so that creepy people won't add me" kind of thing - I mean real couples in (freakishly) long relationships.

I've got nothing against that. It just got me thinking.

I can list a few couples that I know of personally that have been going on for at least 3-4 years now. Not to mention the couples of which I only know one of them. Are all my buddies growing up and growing old together? It's hard to believe that only a few years ago, people were breaking up and making up like it didn't matter. But back then, it didn't really.

I can't help but compare them to my parents generation. And by that I mean who they're with. Practically 80% of the couples I know met in school. I don't know about you but my parents didn't meet in school. One of my friend's parents met in Uni but I only know 1, out of possibly 20 sets of parents that I know, that met in school - and I don't even know the parents, just their story.

So is true love the new love? Are the days of office romances a thing of the past? Will our generation be the high school sweetheart generation - living out the fantasy that our parents, grandparents and teenage chic lit tell us about?

Or is it (pessimistically) too early to say? None of my batch have gotten hitched - yet. Coming into our twenties, it makes you consider your future together. Do you grow up and change together? Or do priorities change and diverge?

I'll get back to you on that in about 5 years or so.

What's really quite niggling me: why am I am late starter, so to speak.
Credit that I never fit in (or wanted to fit in) with the cool crowd in school - I did my own thing and I don't regret it. High school romances are notorious for being short-lived and just a phase. Not that I didn't have my share of crushes, but who wants to be remembered as a blip in a guy's "love life". The one romantic thing that happened to me in school doesn't even register on my numerical count any more. Tragic.

For some reason I tend to make relationships hard for myself. Well, not intentionally, but I get drawn into all the difficult to manage situations - long distance, cheats, apathy. Not such a good track record I must say.

However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What light, I hear you ask? I suppose, learn from the mistakes, spot the signs early and never stop hoping. I don't mean be naive, but it's very easy to become jaded. And when you don't try, things just happen naturally. It's like falling into your stride - walk, skip, run. You have to be comfortable with yourself and what you want and only then you know if you are comfortable with whoever comes along.

And plus, guys hate desperate.

Thank God

The water's back on.

My kidneys are saved!

Picture courtesy of lunalil :)
Not the Aberdare Hall toilet but close enough

* * *

On another note, I'm in the midst of doing a lot of things:

1. Meeting up with Annie, the Phoenix Garden manager, to sort out things for CNY 2009
2. Going to letting agencies and looking at houses with Tasha
3. Working on my Jurisprudence assignment
4. Getting my hair cut, which means 2 appointments with Vidal Sassoon

Number 3 is VERY IMPORTANT. Have to really get stuck in soon. Yipes.

* * *

Easter hols will be FANTASTIC. I know this.

Because I'm going to see JASON MRAZ.
In Manchester.
In April.
With Yi Lynn.
With accommodation sorted.

I love my life.
Too bad The Boy isn't coming along but I don't think he'd enjoy me swooning all over the place anyway.

Ah, Monsieur Mraz. How I adore thee.

Yeah, yeah. I adore The Boy better, but everyone's allowed a celebrity crush.

* * *

And I've discovered that I actually have a regular period notwithstanding stress [which makes it longer]. Good to know. At least something about me is regular.
Haha.

HoHum... WOAH

The good kind of woah tho. The kind where u go woah and then smile. And perhaps chuckle at the enormity of the woah.

So yeah, what on Earth am I talking about?

Not that big a deal but I like to share whenever anything cheers me up so this is me sharing.

I was feeling a little glum these past few days - what with work and such and such - and just generally coasting along. Out clubbing with pals and drinking with friends is fun but not the great fun that it could be if said certain person was in town, but hey - a couple of weeks ain't gonna kill me. So right, general feeling of sitting in the doldrums and going "hohum" at everything.

When suddenly...

Ok, so not like I have awful or even questionable self esteem issues. I am pretty satisfied with everything I've been given and some parts that I'm even proud of.

So with mental mindset of: OK, gotta get dressed to go with mum to KLCC, I was out of the shower, dressed in a skirt and t-shirt when I decided to change t-shirts. Just cos I can.

*Male friends may want to avert their eyes at this point - mammaries are mentioned, awkwardness may ensue*

You know that point of taking off a t-shirt where u cross your arms and ur right hand is at ur left shoulder and vice versa? I was facing the mirror in my room and gawddamn - are those really mine? Pamela Anderson can go suck eggs. I've never been a fan of plastic surgery or anything - however good the result, I think it's a bit too gruesome a process. But heck, someone up there in the Big Guy's design department must be a pretty decent guy cos he went: Poor Sara, she's so damn short - I'm gonna give her BOOBS to compensate.

I'm quite aware that I'm luckily well endowed - so when it comes to clothes, my motto is: If you got 'em, flaunt 'em - but don't wave 'em in people's face.

And I know how important bra sizes are to guys, but do guys know that bra sizes are important to women too? It's a slight buzz when you go bra shopping and find that you've jumped up in sizes. I've had the opportunity to experience this at least 3 times (depending on the cut of the bra) and I gotta admit, it's pretty cool - tho slightly scary.

Thinking back on a conversation I was listening in on on night on the way to Maison - boobs are majorly important in determining a girls "hotness" but not the defining factor. Ladies about to embark on breast augmentation take note.

And as proud as I am of my twins, I've always had em around - so dealing with them is not something new. Do a double take or go wide eyed or whatever, just keep the lewd thoughts to a minimum. Advice applicable to all males with regard to all females.

All modestly aside, I say happily brag that I have never worn a push up. Take THAT Wonderbra.