Speak of Mother Nature

And since my last post, Mother Nature has zapped me with her nature stick and blessed/cursed me with the crimson tide. The scarlet waterfall. And all the other euphemisms Lea, Squish and I came up with to gross out the guys. I still vividly remember the day we made tampon angels. Ah, good times, good times.

This comes as quite a shock because, even tho I said I was feeling the symptoms, the flow is usually delayed. Maybe it has come sooner because I'm not as stressed as last term. Or because Tash has some strange synchronising effect on me. We are starting to mind meld, and it's scaring me!

The only downside to getting my period now is that there is a danger that come March I might have my period around the same time. And that's no good for a romantic getaway to Paris. It just won't do.

I have to now start plotting to out maneuver Mother Nature. She's not messing with me again! Any suggestions for delaying or inducing periods are more than welcome. nothing permanent or dangerous please...

Period watch

Uh oh,

PMS is coming.

I can feel myself getting catty.

Tash is sensing hers is coming soon.

I've got all the symptoms that it's coming but somehow mine delays for another week or so.

I suppose this is a warning/notification/information/warning to The Boy and other people who will come into contact with me that I will be more sensitive and irritable than normal. This by all means doesn't reflex on you but it does mean that I will be more sulky and snappy, so don't take it too personally.

Hopefully it blows past with no permanent casualties.

Vanilla Chocolate day

It's been a day of upturns and down spirals. Its difficult to balance both, mainly because they not only happen to me, but to people I know and care about. Here's the break down.

1. Worked until 7.30am. Slept for 1 hour. Woke up at 8.45am for a 9am class. Result: serious sleep deprivation.
2. Presented work in PLR class. Got most of the answers right. Fave tutor teaching. Good start to the day.
3. Checked Summative assessment results. 2 VCs and 1C. I'm more than happy with that.
4. Finished drafting prep in the library while people talked about results. Some were pleased, some were elated. Some were disappointed.
5. Drafting small group with GG. Had to present again because (due to lack of sleep) I didn't want to sit in that class for longer than I had to. Work was ripped to shreds by GG. Got a little sad.
6. Classmates rallied to my defence - or rather on the offensive to GG. So it's not just me then.
7. Had a long chat with Su-Ann. Her Boy has gone off to Turkey travelling for 3 months so she's feeling the void. Thought I would try and cheer her up. I think I helped. I think.
8. Met Tash to accompany her to file a police report. Her passport and debit card was in a clutch bag in a house party and it was stolen. Tres upset and I was trying to help her do what she needs doing. Glad I could help a little.
9. Walked to town to deal with her debit card. Remember: 1 hour sleep. So very very sleepy.
10. Went to Oceana to see if her coat was found (Was lost on Sunday when she went out and was put behind the bar by a friend). Couldn't find it.
11. Went home. 6pm. Slept till 8.45pm.
12. Had food. Housemates are cheerier now even after sad things have happened. Tash is back to smiling again and Jun has returned to using me as an agony aunt. All is well in 72B.
13. Chatted to The Boy. Good news and bad. Tickets to Paris bought! But LLM results were not as expected. If he's sad I'm sad.

Tried to cheer him up. Don't know if it worked. Am aware overly optimistic point of view can be annoying but its how you deal with it personally that really matters. I try and cheer him up and look on the bright side. I do understand but I don't think dwelling on the past and what might have been is helpful. Especially when it comes to results. Exams are meant to be final and the culmination of months of learning. If you put in your all, who can tell you to do anything better? The Boy went quiet and went to bed. Granted it is late where he is. Hope he can see what I'm saying and am only trying to help. Hope he believes what I say is true and not just fluff to make him feel better. It is in part but I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it. I would say the same to myself. Hope he feels better and can still look forward to Paris :)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Always look on the bright side of life.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Be grateful for what you've got, thankful for what you have.

Always remember to feel blessed and never take anything for granted.

January Heigh Ho

So the new year has started and in full swing too.

1. It's started snowing! In Cardiff! It snowed on Tuesday. And its forecasted to snow on Wednesday too. Its really amazing to look at, I would be thoroughly more excited about it if not for no. 2 below. Also, as I sit here typing this, there are snow tourists (as I call them) playing in the snow outside. Ah, winter rookies...
2. I've started on a mini-pupillage and I have to go to Pontypridd really early Weds morning. Which means I have to tramp through the snow. Hopefully it's not too slippery. This is the first job-type thing that I've gotten on my own in Cardiff! The Careers Service thing wasn't as serious. I'm not getting paid for this but it's valuable experience! And looks damn good on my CV. And the bloke I'm following to court is really nice. Yay!
3. Getting down with work for next semester. Which starts in less than a week! Next Monday! Yikes!
4. Crisis talks over with The Boy. I guess its ok to call them that now its more or less over with but it was like red alert for a few days. It really felt like the US and Japan negotiating to prevent nuclear fallout. Amazing how inflated situations feel when your neck deep in. Water under the bridge. Moving onwards and upwards!

* * *

More on The Boy.

I think I may have ranted rather unfairly with regards to his position. I know I'm in the habit of making excuses for the Boys I like but usually I have a checks to reassess my position on things. I was lacking two rather critical components of my check and balance system: the check and the balance.

Not talking back the pent up frustration evident in the previous postings, but now with a better understanding of where we stand and a better system of communication, I'm feeling a lot better about us, and as a result, me.

Wounds need to be licked and be allowed to heal before anything else hits us for a doozy.

On that note - don't worry, be happy, love.

* * *

I've been watching several old Eighties films lately - Highlander, The Princess Bride - not to mention so recent ones - Dorian Gray, The Forbidden Kingdom - and I've come to cringe at them for the same reason - the weak female characters.

The Eighties films can be forgiven for that period in time when there was no such thing as a strong female lead - until Ripley in the Alien franchise. The recent movies attempt to balance a macho male lead with a strong yet weak female lead. All or nothing boys! If you are going to make a female character prominent, don't make her kick ass for most of the movie, only for her to miserably fail at the climax. Firstly it make no sense that they survived/succeeded so far only to mess up when it counts and secondly, as a plot device, your only achievement would be to alienate your female audience that you so desperately wanted to get pulled in by that character. If the main lead can succeed throughout all the obstacles, why can't the other character? I'm not saying a happy ending just because she's female, but because it would make sense to. Specifically in Dorian Gray, granted, he's played by Ben Barnes *drool* but falling helplessly in love after one day with a man almost your father's age is extreme, even for a suffragette. At least give her a bit more personality other than being smiley, pretty and able to charm a jaded old man. It's not impressive.

Fave female character so far: Mary in the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Forget Irene Adler. Mary symbolises what I would consider a good balance between the good old and the strong new. She's pretty, polite, well mannered and classy. At the same time, witty, smart and unafraid to tell you what's what. At she does it al while still being feminine. There's a difference between being feminine and being a feminist and while I think both are strong, one embraces what women have, while the other chases what we don't have. It's important to keep both in mind when finding one's strengths.

I always find it amusing that while men are physically stronger, they always want what women have. Women don't have penis envy. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys. We are (or at least should be) happy to be frank and beans free.

* * *

I want to get a Brazilian wax one day. Just to try it. There's this thing called the Brazilian rush. Sounds fascinating...

New uh... something

I feel like screaming.

Screaming out of frustration. Screaming out of anger. Screaming out of joy. A whole convulsion of emotions and there’s no right way to express them.

My whole body is twisted up in knots and those knots in unbreakable elastic bonds to another, miles away. I want to pound on the floor and beseech the sky to open up and drown me.

I have been watching RSC’s Hamlet in BBC iPlayer. Can you tell?

Ok, enough with the dramatics.

In truth, there’s not much to be all emotional about anymore. There’s a yes or a no and the answer is which path you take. Unfortunately I can’t help but wonder what will happen down that path. I worry so much about the next step that I forget to enjoy the last one I took. It’s a shit way of going but its what I’m used to.

I wish it were different but how can I complain when so many have gone down the same path and have gone so much further than me? Is there something wrong with me? Should I just stand still?

The problem with me is that I stop to look at the map and stop and ask directions that I never really get to where I’m going and I hardly enjoy the ride. Maybe if I had a car. Or a bicycle. Or at least knew where the heck I’m going.

* * *

HAPPY NEW YEAR! also