Walkies

So I took that walk.

And I feel a lot less... emo.

As a side note, on the way out I encountered my house mate who asked me "where are you going?" to which I replied "out for a walk" to which he laughed and said "oh! So emo!" Wrong. He has since realised the error of his ways and has not amused himself at my moodiness. Although I have to admit, the adjective was appropriate, I hate the word.

A lot less stressed and less cabin-fevered. I would have liked to have walked for longer (I was out only 45 minutes I think) but I couldn't find a quiet, safe spot to walk about town. Alexandra Gardens was cordoned off for the New Years Carnival thing and the City Centre was full of scary drunk yobs.

The Carnival is another sore point. I love going on these rides but it's only truly fun if someone enjoys it with you. No one here, and I stress no one here ever joins me on the rides. Its like living in a black and white library with all the fun sucked out. Where are my buds when I need them? Also sadly, I was thinking that even The Boy would not go on a ride with me. Not even the Big Wheel. What sadness.

Moping over, I'm sitting once again in my brightly lit room feeling a little like a bird in a gilded cage. Even if someone opens the door, will there be anyone on the other side?

Halfway holiday

I got my period yesterday. So I'm definitely feeling extra sensitive and vulnerable and hormonal.

At the moment I'm feeling a little pissed off.

It's a little bit of anger mixed with some frustration aimed at The Boy. It's not all his fault but I need to vent and usually I can vent to him but for the last 3 months, I haven't really been able to and therefore I'm aiming all my daggers in his direction.

My house mate is unaware of the dangerous time bomb sitting 20 metres from him which is why I'm planning to take a short stroll later on to cool off. I've been cooped up too long and leaving the pot to boil is going to burn a hole in the bottom of the kettle.

New Years is coming up soon.

I need some good news to perk me up or I might just grind my teeth to stumps.

It's my I-want-to-punch-something/someone time of the month. Beware, unless you have chocolate or good news.

Christmas Eve Night

Technically it's Christmas morning, but it's not really.

There's no tree.

There are no presents.

There's no family.

This is a sorry excuse for a Christmas if I ever saw one.

I can do without the tree and presents. But I'm home alone. The house mates have gone off to Malaysia and London respectively. The Boy is uncontactable. Family is thousands of miles away and the relatives I have here couldn't give a damn.

I'm normally a jolly kind of person. I can handle work stress, relationship stress even friendship stress. But at this time of year, I'm detached from my loved ones - so far I can't even feel them.

Everyone else is living it up with their Boy or Girl or family. And it feels wretched to not have that at this time of year.

It's not that I don't have friends here. I just don't have people who I'm close enough to here.

I don't need a Christmas miracle, just a Christmas hug.

Christmas Eve 2009

Things to do:

1. Get out of bed
2. Brush teeth
3. Change clothes
4. Contact lenses
5. Go to Tesco Metro and buy floor cleaner and chocolate chips
6. Go to Melody's house at 5.30 with a sieve
7. Go to Bin Hau's for steamboat

I should start getting on that.

* * *

I've also been in heat for the past 2 weeks. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Severe lack of Boy around I guess.

Period is also late. Not too troubling except the anxious waiting game. Red, no red? Maybe TMI. But hey, that's life.

Merry Christmas Blogosphere!

Winter Holidays

I was supposed to go to France for a nice holiday break but my passport's not back from the Home Office yet. I haven't even had word about biometrics yet. Everyone else I know has at least gotten a letter from them but I haven't. I sent it off thru the Student Support Centre so maybe they;re on holiday now or something but either way it's been over 6 weeks. It takes up to 14 weeks so I have found out. That's insane...

The Boy has gone off to Barca and is going around the south of France with his brother. Should be a good trip. He offered, as a conciliatory Christmas present, to pay for my plane tickets to France so I could spend a few days with him in St-Etienne. I almost cried with joy!

I almost cried with anger when my passport hadn't come back to me by December.

* * *

It's still tough with him in France and with no skype. But things are working out ok. There's still FB (occasionally) and msn. No audio-visual stuff but I call him thru Skype once in a while and I see his pics on FB so I know he's telling the truth when he says he's lost weight. LDR v2 isn't as bad as I thought it might be. It's further, but the principles are the same - you work with what you got.

* * *

Been hanging out with Su-Ann quite a bit. Dunno why - we're in different groups in the BVC and we don't really have the same schedule or study habits but we know each other well enough that we enjoy doing things together. I've been seeing a lot of Kirsty in the library as well. Staying in the Legal Practice Library (LPL) till 9pm every night will force the oddest of friendships. We've got our late night library times in common so that helps the small talk.

Chern's dropped off the radar a bit but has resurfaced come the end of term. She's not as uptight as she used to be but when you have down time in the BVC you can't afford to be stingy with what you want. You don't know when's the next time you'll have down time again! It really is a matter of "my precious..."

* * *

Had a wicked night out on Tuesday after the Opinion Writing exam. 4 hours in City Hall and most of us went ot town to relax or shop or both. It was Lizzy's birthday so we congregated in Lloyd's for lunch. I went home at about 7pm after following Su, Chern and Melody shopping and then out again to 10 Feet Tall and Revolution at night. Melody didn't come out at night tho.

Really a fun night! I didn't get drunk - I had a bit of champagne, courtesy of Wai Cheong but I didn't drink after we went to Revs cos Julie was in a right state. She could barely stagger in, let alone walk. She almost sat in a chair with smashed glass! Azzy was there so she kept an eye out as well.

After Revs Wai Cheong wanted to go to Gala. He always goes to Gala. The only reason I go to Gala is cos of Wai Cheong. I only went the first time cos Jeremy went I think. Either way, WC was there. He played blackjack with Kien Lun and Kenneth T and I tried to show Kirsty how to play roulette. The croupier taught her how eventually. A lot of old Chinese folks in Gala...

Fixing a lamp in Revs

* * *

So The Boy has offered me a delayed Christmas present in the form of a trip to Porto (originally a trip to Greece or Croatia) during Easter. My Easter break is pathetic: 1 week break but the week after I have 2 summative exams - Civil and Criminal. So not much of a break there...

I don't care tho. I can't go anywhere this holidays so I'm bloody well going to take a few days off for Easter. Porto cos there's a direct flight from St-Etienne thru Ryan air.

I really should start planning. I have forgotten to inform/ask the parents about it first but I'm assuming cos they said yes (originally) to the France trip, they will be ok with this one. Still, my mind would be at ease if I had their permission.

* * *

I subscribe to several blogs, a majority of those are by people I know. One such blog is by a girlfriend of a friend of mine. I do know her personally, but since her boyfriend is in my course and I knew him first, that's how I'll always see her. Anyway, they've been steady for ages and ages and if anyone's going to take the leap, it'll be them, but not so soon.

That said, her recent post has irked me to no end. At the end of her most recent post she has HINTED at what she wants in a husband - metaphorical finger pointing at the aforementioned boyfriend.

I have no doubt that they are in love and madly so and they've been together longer than some pairs of socks I have, but the blatancy that she has set out her matrimonial goals pisses me off.

She's amazingly smart and clever and extremely modern but when it comes to family values, she seems to have no clue over and above her little bubble of wedded bliss. Sure, I want a family and a stable one at that, but to smear it all over the blogosphere like a thick coat of rainbow nutella is too much for me. Keep your quasi-proposal pokes private please.

New Record!

I have period PAIN.

And it hurts like a mother.

It feels like my uterus is so heavy and just wants to drop out. I quite feel like I wouldn’t mind having it outside for a while – at least I won’t feel so bloated and at the same time, I could just get rid of all that vascular lining that is just itching to be disposed of.

I hate it when Aunt Flo springs up on me so unexpected. It was somewhat expected but not to this extent. Hit me right in the middle of advocacy preparations. My opponent tomorrow better watch out.

I’ve been eating well lately. Maybe too well. Actually it’s been alternative – good and bad. Pizza and noodles. No lunch but big dinner. Or visa versa.

47 days. I think that’s a new record, even for me. It must be the combination of 1 week of practice assessments and then placements. Stress does not agree with my female anatomy.

* * *

Had a good gossip session just now after dinner with Su-Ann and Cassandra. It was fun at the time but thinking back on it, it kinda feels a little evil. And I feel a little guilty. I’ve really got no beef with any of the people we were talking about. Nice to actually talk to someone about something other than law tho.

* * *

I may be in for the best Christmas present ever! But it’s dependant on:

1. the parents giving the go-ahead
2. getting my passport back before January!

Fingers and toes crossed! If you have any spare prayers, I could sure use some now. Thank you!

Updating like a fool

Yeah, so I've been busy. I know. I know! Rubbish excuse! But that does mean that there's nothing really too magical about my life so far.

1.Placement week

Another week marshalling with a judge gone by. This time it was a Crown Court Judge so it was all criminal stuff. Saw mostly sentences and Prelims and PCMHs. If you don't know what those are, don't bother finding out, it's all mostly criminal procedure stuff the court has to deal with before and after trials. Think the beginning and end of Law & Order but the UK version.

They call it Marshalling, not following or shadowing. It's denotes a certain amount of respect. Plus it sounds less stalker-like.

The Judge I was placed with was really nice. He'd talk to us every day, in the morning and after the court was done for the day. He's one of those Judges that you really don't want to mess with and you have to be prepared to answer his questions. He's not scary, just a little fierce I guess. He starts off liek a tiger, but once you've answered him and done the dance, he's a pussycat.

2. Wet shoes :(

Thursday it poured down with rain. On the very day I thought I'd stop at Queen Street Station on the way back from Newport (from placement) and buy myself some shoes from Blue Banana. I love that shop btw.

I was wearing my black wedge heels with the bow on the front. I've had them since Law Year 1 so I quite like them. They are stable and cute. The only really problem is they squish my toes in front. But all shoes do that to me cos I have wide feet. Anyway, back to the rain.

Oh and by the way, did I mention that I left my umbrella in the train? I bought another one for a pound but still - I had to walk all the way down Queen Street with only a folder for protection! Luckily I was dressed for winter...

Back to the shoes. I bought my Blue Banana shoes and was walking home and got to about Coburn Street when it began chucking down monsoon-sized drops of rain. Like the sky had unzipped and just dumped tropical rain down on Cardiff. No fun walking thru that in cloth shoes, even if they were heels. Coburn's a residential street so every 2 or 3 metres there was a drainage pipe that drained the water from the roofs of the houses. It was like squish squish squish SPLASH squish squish squish SPLASH (The squishs meaning normal wet shoe steps, and the SPLASHes meaning big puddle steps). After a while I couldn't care less about how let my shoes or feet were. I was soaked thru up to my knees. Thank God only up to my knees.

I got home. It was a tender squish squish squish to the living room where I gingerly removed my drenched shoes and tights. I think they are still wet today.

An interesting, out of the blue experience. I'm none the worse for wear but I'm not taking the weather for granted any more, that's for sure.

3. Ebay!

I've been going on an Ebay binge lately. I haven't bought too much, but I did buy myself a heater and a pair of denim shorts. Hopefully these aren't the hotpants kind. I already have a pair of those :D

4. Practice Assessments!

Oh yeah, the week before placement week was Practice Assessment week!

Monday - Negotiation

Tuesday - Hand in Skeleton Argument

Wednesday - Advocacy

Thursday - PLR

Friday - Opinion Writing

All spells STRESS! But glad it's over :) Now proper Assessments coming up in December!

5. Period

Or rather lack thereof. It's been a stressful couple of weeks what with Practice Assessments and all. Well, mainly Practice Assessments, placement week is a breeze :) I'm not too concerned, it's been late before. I've just got the added bonus of knowing that I'm definitely not pregnant. That helps :D

*The Boy

Nothing much to update on save that there's more MSN, which I liiiiike. He's gone off FM10 for a bit after QPR bit the dust, so to speak. Apparently, he got bought by Manchester United *smirk* so he's managing them now *grins*. Good luck! hehe

I think he's getting a bit bored in France - clubs ain't all that and the classes are mornings mostly so he's got a lot of free time. So it's mainly football, FM, hanging out with friends. There's still no Skype which is shit but oh well. There was facebook for a while but that got taken off too.

*Winter Hols

I'm not going anywhere. I mean really. I'm staying in Cardiff. This is so depressing. Most people, housemates included, are going home to Malaysia. Not that I really want to go back, but at least go somewhere. Preferably France again to see The Boy but that's out of the question as far as Parentals and money is concerned. I hate to harp on about it but that's really the only barrier to me going off during hols. It's a stupid reason and so easily cured. But I don't have the time to work now, I obviously can't work and then go. It'll be too late. So I'm resigned to a Christmas in Cardiff - with no one.

I may go to London but I shall see. Hlbh is heading to London, January I think so I may do Christmas with Lea if she's still around. She's another of the fly-home-at-Christmas types.

*I'm not resentful of the fly-home people. I just don't like the 12-13 hour flight so I don't really understand it.

Opposite Day

Days don't normally go like this.

The day started off great. I totally aced the negotiation session. Well I did better than last time (which isn't that hard) but I can now say I don't suck at negotiation. There's hope for me yet! Negotiation was at 9am so I had a loooong break until 4pm when I had my Criminal Practice large group session. I do enjoy all the modules - there's something new to learn all the time, but that room was a little too warm and I found myself nodding off. My head tends to bounce like a bobblehead when I get drowsy. Sleep. Wake up. Close my eyes, nod off. Jerk awake again. And I was sitting in the second row right in the middle! Didn't get caught tho. It's a pity. I really do try and stay awake.

Netball practice was supposed to be my destresser of the day. I rushed home from the Legal Practice Library (LPL) at half seven to get to Talybont by 8pm or thereabouts. To cut a long story short, I ended up getting so angry at the end of practice because of a couple of silly girls who weren't taking practice seriously. I know it's just practice. By all means, have fun. But if you're playing a game (like we were) then you owe it to your team mates to put in some effort. Not just giggle and toss the ball around like it's a marshmellow. Have some goddamn respect for the other people on your team for crying out loud.

I really laid it into them after practice. I wasn't happy. I was angry. How dare they be so selfish. Netball is a team game. You win as a team and you lose as a team. If just one player gives up, what's the point in playing? Notts is on Saturday - 3/4 days away. We haven't had a lot of practices. You at least owe it to the rest of the people who are going to play to the best of your ability. Practices are supposed to help everyone, and it being a team game, there's no point saying I just don't feel like it today. Every practice counts.

I was still fuming on the walk home. I more or less marched home so now my feet hurt. And that's making me angry too. It's been a topsy turvy day.

Looks like its opposite day today, fer reals. Crikey.

* * *

I should also mention that The Boy now has internet. But no VOIP so it's msn messenger and skype calls from here. I still don't get to talk to him as much as I would like. But I'm not home most of the time tho I use a web-based msn chat in the library. This is like dejavu Swansea in the beginning all over again. I don't know tho. I'm not convinced yet.

Communication frustration

You’ve all heard of sexual frustration – you wanna do it, but you can’t. Same same.

1. France just wants to fk with me. Apparently this complete lack on internet-connectivity is not isolated to one university in one lone part of France, it’s nation-wide. Save the little children from cyber-pedos but wreck all forms of long-distance relationships, why don’t you? Yes, we all know French women are born and bred to sex up the world but you don’t have to give them their own private hunting ground. It’s not fair.
   
   
2. Bloody paperwork and customer service. Both in their extremes in France and neither in the good way. Duplicates, triplicates, come back tomorrow, next week, when we call you back. Nothing ever gets done in France unless you grab someone by the balls and yank at them until their eyes water. That or just suck it in and wait for freaking ages. I should know, I’m waiting still.
   
   
3. Blocking Skype. What the fk is up with that? I mean, what are you so afraid people are going to talk about? If it’s bandwidth you are so pissy about then just don’t give people internet in the first place and they won’t complain about it to you.
   
   
4. MSN Messenger for Mac – has no video capabilities. We know you’re ugly Steve Jobs, not everyone else is. Be a man.
   
   
5. It’s probably due to the time of night, but would it kill you to sound a little more enthusiastic when I call you? We haven’t spoken in a week, at least some sign that you still realise that I mean something to you would be nice. I’ve generally given you the benefit of the doubt and say that you’re tired, you’ve had a long day, you’ve had a stressful week – but given that you cut our conversation short and that we don’t get the chance to get pissed over the “phone”, I feel like I have the right to vent my immediate feelings here. Talking about the fact that you’re still going to be in France next year isn’t one of the glowing points on my list of things that make me smile at the moment. I’m glad that you get to do what you want but I’m not totally ok with it yet – I’m worried. Day by day, Sara. Day by day.

That’s all from me bloggy. It’s been a wonky day. I’m still sore from netball practice on Friday which isn’t at all helping my mood. I want ice cream and chocolate and maybe both. But heaven forbid that I get fat. That wouldn’t help at all, would it?

What a weekend

I should have blogged about this yesterday but to be honest, I couldn't be arsed.

Friday night I went out for pub golf with the BVC fellas. Given that I didn't go out hte last time or that I haven't been drinking for ages I should taken it a bit slower. But no. I went racing off like a mad woman with a wax lined stomach.

Here's what I got into myself:

• Vodka mixer (orange juice) down in 1
• Half a bottle of apple cider down in 1
• Half a pint of Fosters down in 1
• Vodka mixer (Cola) down in 3
• Double Gin and tonic down in 3
• Whisky mixer (JD and orange juice) down in 3

I was playing the par 9 route but i still managed to down a few. And the first 3 drinks were all within 30 minutes of each other I think. I didn't look at the time to be fair.

We all ended up at Oceana at like 11pm but by then I was feeling well wrecked and really sleepy and headachy. I could barely keep my eyes open and focused on things. About 11.30 (I think?) i made my own way to the loo and chucked up a good portion of the hari raya goodies that I had been snacking on earlier in the day. Two good heaves and I waddled back up to the disco. The Disco was really fun tho. I was chatting with this guy from Cardiff who was sitting at the same table as me. I was just chatting to him and he seemed really nice and all. I didn't see much of him after that.

Let me firstly note, that I have never before thrown up after drinking. And I never wanna do it again. It burns.

I was somewhat accompanied by Melody for a part of the night and then I decided I couldn't stay awake and wanted to go home. Kirsty, bless her, walked me downstairs to the taxi place, but not before following me to the loo and again chucking up three times before I was satisfied that I wasn't going to make a mess of the taxi.

I got home safe and sound, and granted I forgot to message Kirsty later. Sorry hun.

Tash was back home after going out somewhere. I knocked on her door, at the suggestion of Kirsty and my own common sense and told her I was feeling rotten and that I had thrown up five times already and I was worried that I would throw up in bed (eww...).

She and Jun, the other house mate of ours, talked to me for a bit, before determining that I was quite sober and that I probably won't throw up while asleep. Nevertheless, Tash still lined my bin with a big black bin liner just in case.

I woke up the next morning, not really with a hangover, just with a sense that my brain was a little tight for my head. I went back to sleep. Woke up properly at 11am something feeling relatively fine and not a trace of the malingering effects of a hangover that people moan about.

* * *

Not surprisingly for me, I don't go red when I drink. It's an interesting non-effect that I have been told about tho I've never had access to a properly lit mirror to check. Chern, on the other hand, goes flush-red at the first drop of wine and Hui Lynn gets all splotchy all over. Kirsty has a good alco-tolerance so I can't tell with her yet.

* * *

Yesterday, the Boy told me that his camera was stolen from his bag while he was playing football.

It's quite a WTF?! moment as his camera is just a year old and he quite needs it, otherwise wha'ts the point in taking a year out in France if you're not going to document it with photos. Memories are all well and good, but you need photos.

So I crash landed on Amazon UK and tried to figure out if I could chip in to get him a new camera. The newer Canon Ixus 95 was on promotion so I rang him up in France and told him about that. I'm chipping in about 50 pounds as his Christmas present. And it comes with a free camera case - which he (says) he needs. Well, he splashed out on a nice one last time so I might as well find him one with a case thrown in free. It's quite a good deal.

I've sent off for it to be sent to his residence in France and it should be there by the end of the wek, tho with the French postal service, no one knows.

I have to send off the 2GB Memory card that he bought for me the last time.

* * *

Talking about posting things, I have to mail off the package that I have prepared for my parents for their anniversary and Dad's birthday! It's very belated but better than nothing! And I think they will like it :)

* * *

Placement week now. Monday off. Tuesday to Pontypridd, Wednesday to Merthyr Tydvil following a District Judge and Thursday and Friday chambering with a Cardiff Chambers. Yay! So excited :)

Oops I missed class

I overslept this morning. I had a 10am class. Almost unheard of to have a class start after 9am. Today was supposed to be a good day.

But I overslept. I set my alarm for 8.55, then reset it for 9.10. But i didn't I thought I did, but I didn't. And now I'm trying desperately to find an alternative Small Group Session to attend. If not, then I'll just go to the library tonight and make up the work anyway. AND I have to prep for Advocacy tomorrow. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

The Boy sent a message after reading the last post. Pity shitty situation but what can I do eh? Thanks Le Garçon.

London "Weekend"

Inner Temple had their Introductory Weekend for Out of London Students this last Friday and Saturday. The normal stuff really. Friday in Dark Suits and formal stuff - Saturday we had a drama thing by LAMDA. Good fun jumping around and breathing and things. I didn't take my camera. Cos i forgot. Sorry.

Stayed at Lea's place! Bless her! Less than 2 days in London and she lets me crash at her place for a night. What would I do without ya Lea?

Interestingly, on Friday I almost missed my bus to London. Then I was almost late for the Inner Temple Registration and things on Friday. Running from Temple Tube Station Aunt Flo decided to come visit. Interesting run indeed. Good thing I was well prepared. Although not so prepared for the heels that I would have to wear all night. Ouchies. But I've been thru worse.

So I got back to Cardiff on Saturday. Almost missed my bus back from London too. I have got to break this crap habit. But I am so not a morning person... sigh.

I've got Opinion Writing to do for Monday so I have to get cracking on that ASAP. MSSCF Welcoming and Hari Raya Dinner on tomorrow evening but I doubt I'll have the time to go. Work first! When I have the time, I'll do as much work as I can, then stone out a little. I can't enjoy free time any more - it's a shame really.

* * *

I also properly realised how much my parents have to sacrifice for me to be here. Not only them, my aunt's been immensely generous in helping us out. I don't know how much, I can't say that I know how much anyway, but the fact that she's helping speaks volumes.

Things being as they are, and me realising the full weight of my burden to succeed, as it were, I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Unless I win some free all-expense-paid trips to anywhere, it's going to be Cardiff Autumn, Winter, Spring. Maybe Malaysia Summer.

I feel completely at a loss of what to do, but at least it's not like I have a choice in the matter. I hope I don't sound resentful, I just feel like the kid who has to stand at the other side of the fence while the other kids ride the roller-coaster.

Forgive us our sins

I didn't go to Church like I was supposed to, even if I have had a hard week and an hour in church would have done me some good. Instead, I bummed around at home, did a bit of work and watched QI and Whose Line like a maniac.

To be fair, I was talking to my best friend so in light of that I think I should be granted a reprieve. Maybe I'll go to Mass on Wednesday at the University Chaplaincy. It’s a thought. I don’t make excuses for not going to church for others; I really make them for myself. I know I should go, and I should have gone – but it didn’t. *guilt*

* * *

I think I might have to take up a part-time job or something. The bills are coming in and they are shocking! I’m starting to truly realise how hard it is to keep a house. I’m horrified at the amounts…

I’m thinking: the money that TK is paying for rent should be able to cover the bills for this month. I don’t know what Tash will say but I hope she understands. I didn’t take into account how expensive the electricity is. Yikes…

* * *

I called The Boy today, after I exercised a great deal of self control and didn’t call him at all yesterday (there’s a feat to be proud of)!

I don’t know whether is because we’ve been together for a while or the fact that we’re no longer in the same time zone but he’s become a lot more vocal about his feelings and things. I’m leaning towards the latter reason but whatever it is, I like it :D

It sucks that he doesn’t have internet yet – hopefully he will by the end of the month – but skype is keeping us in touch and alright on the relationship front. It’s a bit like an addictive drug, you need your fixes once in a while.

I will admit to fits of jealousy and paranoia but what girlfriend doesn’t have them when their Boy is in a different country and not picking up his phone for 2 days? I don’t want to justify mad crazy girlfriends but I don’t do anything until I can talk to him. He should have his reasons. Then I calmly ask. Then I get angry. I think at that point I have the right to get angry – but it doesn’t last. You need to blow off steam and frustration occasionally.

* * *

We had English “class” last week. My spelling is atrocious. I do rely heavily on spell check I admit but mostly because I can’t touch type and I generally know what letters go where. I hope that I don’t get selected to sit for more English classes. More than anything, I don’t think I could stand the shame…

Oh the vanity!

I love my hair. Whatever I have left of it, I love it.

It's quite long now - about down to my shoulder blades. I went to Vidal Sassoon the other day to make an appointment, armed with my Term 1 timetable, but they didn't havent any student cuts available for 2 months! So I think I'll take it as a challenge and see how long I can keep my hair long till i get fed up with it and chop it off.

Which leads me to my search for hair straighteners. Why hair straighteners? I hear you ask to your computer screen, you mad person. Well since your computer cannot respond appropriately, allow me to answer.

I am well aware that I have relatively straight hair, save for the unavoidable flick at the end where it's a bit dry and unruly. I don't want the straighteners to straighten my hair, I want to use them to curl my hair.

But why not just get curling irons then? Because I don't like the way they operate. They are hot all over and rely on the user to have eyes in the back of their head. I'm not that coordinated when I can't see what's going on, and will and have burned myself before (nothing serious, don't worry). If you read a few months back to about May when I posted pictures of me playing with my hair inbetween studying, all the curls were done using a straightener. I like the method - it's safe and easy for me. Less chance of me melting my ears off with straighteners.

I've found some promising buys on ebay but I don't know if I should take the plunge and buy them yet. If I buy it now, I'm more likely to use them while my hair is very long and "curlable". If I wait longer, I might get fed up with my hair and chop it off, or at least trim it and then the curls won't hang loose anymore.

All in all I don't have the money to spend I don't think. I can't be sure anymore cos my parents dropped a whole lump sum into my savings account and I don't know how much I should spend and save for a month. I haven't done my yearly budget yet. tsk tsk

Flicker of hope

I wasn't going to write anything cos nothing fabulous has happened but it has been a marked improvement on the day before.

Heck any improvement would be a marked improvement from yesterday.

The bank has lowered the overdraft fee to £15 so at least there's some possibility of him paying it on time. Whoo!

The other account holder has paid in about half of what he owes or is going to owe so at least the account is no longer in Debt. No more big D next to the account balance! Whooo!

The BVC bunch were supposed to head out to Oceana tonight but I don't think I'll be going since I have to rely on Jules cos I don't have my passport with me and I have no phone credit. Ah well. A peaceful night in.

I also took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. 5pm to 7.30. Totally Awesome. It makes up for the one and a half hours of sleep that I missed cos the time on my phone was off. I have to get to bed before 12am these days. I'm starting to worry that my panda eyes are permanent.

* * *

I've been part of a contact lens trial for about a month now. They are rigid gas permeable lenses and they are quite good, except when you get something in your eye - then it hurts like a glowing hot poker. It takes some getting used to but I haven't worn them in a while cos of the wind and it's tendency to whick little bits of dirt and aim them straight into my eye. Too bad - cos they are actually better and more hygenic than the soft lenses. And you can keep the same pair for up to a year! Very nice indeed.

Magma

I want to cry.

But that would serve no useful purpose cept dehydrating me.

I want to punch something.

But I'd only crush my knucles and make a bloody mess.

I want to scream.

But I'd like to keep whatever shred of dignity I have left.

I want to throw up.

But I hate the feeling.

I want to cry.

But I won't.

Crummiest Day

Today has possibly been the crummiest day.

Got a letter from the bank saying that the account is going to be charged £25 overdraft fees for an overdraft that was caused by the other account holder - who doesn't seem to be giving a shit.

Yesterday the guy that was supposed to rent the room that is available in my flat decided not to because he doesn't have a UK guarantor - and the girl that really wanted the room hasn't called me back even tho she said she would.

I called The Boy on skype and he didn't pick up - twice.

Any one of these things would have made my day bad but bearable. All three in one day, all occurring in less than 1 hour of each other has got to be a new record.

I can't be bothered anymore to think of the reasons why or justify them, no matter how rational or logical. The fact that they have happened is bad enough and I am too tired to think of all the optimistic, positive reasons. They have happened, and they suck. Life goes on.

Today is officially a Fk-It Day.

Supposed to be reading...

At the moment my favourite hobby is thinking up romantic, poetic things to send thru sms to The Boy in France. Inspiration comes in many shapes and forms. To list a few:

• a WH Auden poetry quote
• A Savage Garden song

I'm trying to keep them few and far between so as to keep them special and rare if you like. It's tempting to spend the whole day just coming up with some really handkerchief-soaking gems but I've set a 2-a-day limit which serves the above purpose as well as making sure I don't get too carried away and distracted from what work I have to do for class. Tomorrow! Gasps!

Suggestions are more than welcome tho my personal tastes are non-cheesy yet romantically inclined. The whole "Roses are red, violets are blue..." is tres cliche unless it's got a cute kick at the end.

* * *

I've always claimed to be a soft ol' romantic at heart and I like that I can stretch those poetry-loving heart-strings of mine. Bravo to France!

* * *

It was The Boy's birthday yesterday! I called him a couple of times as is appropriate for The Girl to do when it is The Boy's birthday and they are not in the same country but both do not have Skype. Unfortunately, Tottenham were playing United at White Hart Lane yesterday too so against my life-long loyalties and as a sign of affection, I traded loyalties for a few days as a present. Granted, United won 3-1 (of course) but I must say that Spurs are looking well on form and could possibly break into the top 4 this year, if not at least finish in the top 6.

The Boy mentioned that I was the only one to call him that day. Of course. I'm the only one that has his number. Silly. His fb wall was littered with loads of well-wishers but I always consider fb birthday wishes to be a little superficial. The fb wall is a bit whoreish - it takes whatever it can get and it doesn't care how many. I hope I don't sound jealous or envious. I should mention that I take the same attitude to birthday greetings on my own page.

I posted The Boy's present a few days ago but he didn't get it on time. Boo! I hope it at least arrives by tomorrow. I hope it at least gets to him. I don't want to think about if it got lost in the mail (!). I may well cry. So since he hasn't gotten it yet, I can't reveal what it is but I do hope he likes it.

Week 1, dusted and done.

Well the first week is over. Granted that it was only two days but a very hectic deep-end-of-the-pool two days it was. I’m glad the weekend is here and I finally have some time to chill out and relax and sort out what I have to do for the next week. I’m determined to not mess about like I did last year.

In a way I’m sort of glad / relieved that The Boy isn’t an hour's train ride away any more. The temptation isn’t as great when I know I don’t have the money to fly to France every month – even if I wanted to. Keeps my mind here in Cardiff and focused! At least until I start thinking about Winter Hols hehe…

* * *

Today in class I will admit that I suffered from a severe case of green-eye. Meaning that I saw someone who I wished I was – or rather, I wished I could be. It’s more to do with achievements and lifestyle than actual personality or looks. Once the realisation kicked in it was “batten down the hatches. This is totally wrong”. Envy is one of the less common sins but when it rears up its really awful how you feel once you know you’ve hit up on it. Church on Sunday! Repentance!

* * *

A bit of self praise now – I feel quite proud of myself for dragging my butt down to the Legal Practice Library to do the work in prep for Monday. The LPL will be closed on Sunday so I figured I’d go down today to get ahead of the “crowd” which I assume will be descending tomorrow. I could well be wrong tho – the LPL was deserted when I was there at 5pm…

Monday’s work is done. If I get up before noon tomorrow I might head there again and try and finish up to Wednesday’s work. Then I have Sunday to do churchy things and rehearse the 3-5 minute speech that I have to prepare for Advocacy 1 on Monday. Apparently we get RECORDED. Yipes!

The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

Just had my first day of BVC. Tiring. Stressful. But hopeful.

The Boy is in France learning French and doing his dissertation in Mediterranian weather. I miss him like anything but it helps to know that he misses me just as much. It's a small but powerful comfort.

His birthday is on Saturday and since I can't be with him I'm trying to do as much as I can from here. Which includes trading in my loyalties, at least temporarily. It hurts but it's for a good cause.

The BVC is a killer course. Not for the faint of heart. I can do it. I WILL make it thru. I HAVE to FOCUS and work HARD. Damn.

I bought a bag load of Tesco microwave rubbish. It'll be my sustainence for the next few days - with sporadic wholemal sandwiches and other foods inbetween, but mostly Tesco Value crap. It's like exam season all over again.

The Boy has no internet. Yet. Which sucks. Skype is doing it's job but it's quite expensive. Have to make the most of it tho. At least it's something.

Reminder: Write letters to Gih Jhen and Aunty Eve.

Summer Holidays are officially over like I said. But the weather has made up for the lost leisure time so I can't complain too much.

Buried

Azzy wants to stay till the end of October but I don’t think we can rent out the room if that’s the case. If you wanted to rent a room for Uni you would want to start from the End of September and at least October.

I guess there are only 2 options, but to me, there’s only one. Azzy will essentially be kicked out of the house (not really, she can still stay, just not in that room) and that’s not going to sit too well with her. I really don’t like making other people unhappy, especially those who have been nothing but nice to me but unless she can guarantee someone taking over then room come the end of October, I don’t see what choice I have. I hope Tash feels the same way – there’s no other alternative as far as I can see. I’d rather not risk having to pay for an empty room for 8 months just to spare someone’s feelings.

I did tell her that it might come to that and she didn’t sound too happy. I wouldn’t either but I have to cover my own ass first before I can consider hurt feelings. I wouldn’t want to be in her place. Then again, I know she wouldn’t want to be in my shoes either.

* * *

The crimson tide hath cometh. And I am tremendously relieved. Even though I know my cycles pretty well and it’s been pretty regular these past few months, the long cycles tend either be rigid to schedule or deviate dramatically. These past 40 days has been one of the dramatic ones. It doesn’t help that it comes on the eve of the day I have to travel to Swansea before travelling to London but you can’t fight Mother Nature. Just one of the many things I have to take in my stride this time round. I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about scaring myself and thinking about the "what ifs”. Its TERRIFYING and I pray that the scare never becomes real. Just thinking about it makes me want to explode and implode at the same time. I hate telling anyone if I’m scared because it’s so stupid and it’s all my fault anyway nad I should know better. And it’s not something you can just tell anyone.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, pray you never will.

* * *

Its been a rough few days I guess. The internet is sporadic at the moment – more down than up but it’s all part of life isn’t it. Go with the flow. If you fight it, you won’t get anywhere and all you’ll have is more white hair and less time to enjoy the things that are worth thinking about. Tho I must admit, it’s been difficult to count my blessings lately. Have to really dig through the muck to find the stuff that makes it all worth while. And it’s worth doing. Otherwise you forget and then you won’t have anything worth living for.

Blessings counted:

1. Parents
2. The Boy
3. Family (extended)
4. Get to go to France
5. Lucky to study in the UK
6. Nice big room to myself
7. People who care about me
8. Food to eat
9. Comfortable place to live
10. Clean running water
11. Electricity
12. Hot water
13. Clothes to wear

There is no point moaning about things that have gone wrong lately. Yeah it sucks but things going wrong are better than nothing going on at all. In a sense that, yes, my house mate has walked out but at least I have a house, friends, people that care. The silver lining is always there if you care to look for one – and it’s not that hard to find. Seeing the silver lining does not mean that you’re naive or ignorant, it’s optimistic focusing. Channelling positive energy and all that.

Personally, I don’t want to think about all the things that have made my last few days quite a shit hole but I’ve done what I can and tomorrow will be better if I leave the problems that I can’t fix behind.

Still. It doesn't stop me feeling all crap. I'll get over it.

Miserable miserable MISERABLE f-ing day.

And it started out so well. The BT guy came over and sorted out the phone line. It was a lighting strike at the phone interchange so everything's fixed now. And now I have my internet back!

Then I got a message from Haeks saying that he’s NOT coming back to Cardiff this year, he’s going to ABERDEEN for placement. Great timing… So now I have to deal with having to find a NEW housemate as soon as possible so that Tash and I don’t get stuck with having to pay for Haek’s room ourselves. Selfish bastard. He’s been behind on rent payments and now this. I have to pay all the summer bills myself which is fair because I’m here but it’s still a lot of money I’ve spent in total to pay for Sky and the electricity and gas.

I don’t need this kind of shit so close to my course starting.

I want to be able to go to France and not have to worry about coming back to this crap situation. There’s not much I can do that I haven’t already done. I’ve told Tash. I’ve contacted the MSSCF to ask them to let people know that I have a room to rent but nothing confirmed yet of course. I hope things will work out. But till then: FML.

Viva la BVC

The Boy is heading off to France to learn French. Very soon. A little too soon but what can I do eh? Quite happy for him to frolic around in Gaul while I slave away in Cardiff. At least there’s something for me to do. That’s my Achilles’ heel – boredom. It kills me.

I have to start brushing up on my French now. Out of competitiveness than anything I must admit. I do miss learning French but the classes at Alliance Francais were crap and I didn’t have any motivation to really listen and learn. I figure I should take this as a boost to actually properly learn French.

I wanted to take the Summer French course in the Lifelong Learning Centre in June but I wasn’t in Cardiff at the time. Bugger.

Audio Tapes? E-books? I don’t think I’ll have time for an actual French course tho. BVC is a time killer.

* * *

Kenneth T had a BBQ today. Really nice food – Moroccan lamb steaks and fat sausage hot dogs and chicken wings. I’m suffering Pre-M Bloat so I wasn’t feeling my… best, but the food was scrumptious. Unfortunately the weather didn’t agree and it was incontinent rain clouds all evening. Bummer. Compounded by the fact that I was the only girl there and it was Kenneth’s group of friends. Not that I’m intentionally anti-social but as they’re all smokers, and I’m not and it was cold out, I’d rather not inhale any more second-hand smoke than I already have thanks to a certain someone. I wonder what my chest x-ray would look like now.

* * *

Azzy is staying in Tash’s room for the time being. That part’s alright but it’s confusing about her Boy being round. Cos he’s not really her Boy, well, he thinks he is again but he isn’t and she can’t be bothered to tell him or something. I don’t really understand it. She’s stressed enough with resits coming up on the 7th so good luck!

I have to say I love listening to gossip and drama and all that but I dread (and avoid) gossip and drama ‘bout meself. Its so high school and I’ve had enough of that thank you!

* * *

BVC Enrolment is on the 10th of September. Jeepers! I can’t wait to start. I’m such a nerd for school starting. It’s so new and fresh and anything could happen! I know I’ve been saying that I hate being bored but I hope that I don’t get too stressed. I can’t sleep if I get too stressed.

Happy Merdeka and Bank Holiday Monday to my few and far between readers! Sleep like a bee in a rose and grow like a booger in a nose. Toodles!

Summer's Over

I have less than 30 seconds to write this. I am quite annoyed.

I don't know why I'm even here sometimes.

Sunny Monday

Woke up this morning with the radiant glow of sunshine permeating through my curtains. Spent an hour reading my latest Jeffery Archer acquisition until I felt too hungry to go and strolled down the corridor to do the toothbrushing business and make some breakfast. No cereal and milk this time – soup noodles with mince beef, veggies and egg! Lovely and warm even if it was a bit too dilute. Didn’t really care, I was too hungry.

Telly time in the living room so while scarfing away at my home-made bowl of flavoured water and noodles, I watched Criminal Intent and Privileged. Currently in the process of watching SVU which I think is far more interesting that the previous two, although am a bit saddened to discover that there is only one season of Privileged. I quite like the character development but I can see how it can get quite annoying.

Rafie came and bought my home phone which I bought from the antiques shop. I got a nicer one on ebay for about the same price and anyway, I can’t return the one off ebay can I...

Thinking of what else I have to do for the rest of the day: watch the remaining recorded episodes of whatever is on the Sky+ box, return pan scourers to Tesco Express and… I’m out of ideas.

* * *

Call the Boy – but he’s busy/I’ve got nothing interesting to say.

Don’t call the Boy – but I miss his voice.

There’s a catch 22 if I ever saw one. Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

* * *

Ah yes, buy new batteries for my wireless mouse. Tho I may have some spare, I can’t find them…

Certain Things

Il ya certaines choses que je ne le comprendrai jamais.

Saying things in French gives it a certain mystique to that the English language cannot afford to it. With French, every phrase is said with emotion, with a gesture, with a deeper meaning and story behind it. It makes you wonder why.

* * *

It’s funny how people can get so attached to things that to others are of no consequence. A smelly old doll could be someone’s precious childhood keepsake. A threadbare stretched out t-shirt is a memoir of a long forgotten past when times were simpler and perhaps happier. We assign our emotions and memories to these objects to materialise the events, traumatic or delightful, in a separate body to distance ourselves from the past; to stop us dwelling on it.

In essence, no-one is a walking video recorder of memories, ready to recall every last detail at a flick of a switch. It can’t and won’t be done. Sometimes you may think that you don’t horde, you don’t have to keep things to remember but it can’t be escaped. The mere action and emotion is iterated in the English language: “sentimental”, to attach memories of the past to objects of no consequence to the event. There is no logic. A sentimental old fool is not an oxymoron but a description of what it is versus the harsh logic of reality. It cannot answer the question why with words but rather with deep emotion and longing glance into the past.

What if you become sentimental about a living being? Merging the past and the present where past emotions and present physicality battle to take precedence in the beholders eyes. Is there a right and wrong victor? A battered wife weeps at the better past, an unfaithful lover prays for blindness. How can you choose?

* * *

If you’re stranded on a snow-covered mountain top should you scream for help? Avalanche or ambulance?

Summer’s here!

But so far no parties. I went for Hui Teng’s (Hui Ann’s sister) birthday dinner courtesy of an invitation from Dominic. Went to Cosmo in Cardiff Bay, a Chinese, Asian, Oriental Buffet thing which turned out just as I thought it might – huge variety of food but a little pricy at 12 pounds a head. Saved a bit on transport cos a couple of the group had cars so we all drove down. Xiu Mei got a little food drunk and we were singing away walking back from Cosmo to the car. Funny times.

Anyway, there’s not much left for me to busy myself with these days. There’s the occasional trip down to Keylet to remind them that the flat is not going to fix itself. There are the odd trips to Tesco and grocery stores that ensure that I don’t starve from laziness. Other than that, now that I’ve got internet (yay! Since the 7th Aug) the vast quantities of rubbish on the web can entertain me to the point where I don’t know what else is going on outside and don’t really care to find out.

I have to force myself to stick to the rule that I instilled way back in Swansea: Must go outside at least once a day. Doesn’t matter where to or what I’m doing, there’s no substitute for fresh air. And once I’m outside, I find that I might as well walk around. I managed to walk down to Cardiff Bay from the City Centre with Julie last week. First time ever that I’ve led the way and it feels goooooood hehe.

Today however, I went down to the City Centre via Keylet for the above mentioned reason. My flat is 80% fixed up and clean but there are things like broken and non-existent blinds and missing desk chairs that I want sorted out. Walked down Salisbury Road past The Boy’s favourite hairdresser; contemplated whether I should take a picture of his “fave” hair style and send it to him but thought better of it. He can cut his hair where and when he wants however he wants.

Headed down to HSBC first to ask about the parents opening a UK joint bank account. I don’t know why but I’ve got the time, why not. I’ve got no complaints about HSBC, their customer service is very good and staff are very friendly BUT, it takes FOREVER to actually speak to someone who knows anything. Good thing I had time to kill and my new phone cum mp3 player with me or blood would have been shed (More on the new phone later).

With HSBC questions asked and answered, I hopped next door to Scope which has a special place in my heart. It’s a charity shop which benefits those with cerebral palsy. Chern and I discovered it together and it’s always got some long lost treasured gems at the back. I was feeling lovely and warm (cos of the sun) so I bought a book for my dad as a bday present and a top from River Island for £3.50.

With book and top in hand I decided to head over to the Cardiff International Arena to check out the ticket prices for Russell Howard who is going to perform in Cardiff on the 12th December. I’ve seen him on Mock the Week and Live at the Apollo and I love him to bits! He’s adorable, cute, funny and well fit! Haha! He’s seriously funny tho, he’s got the very British self-depreciating humour combined with a mildly cross-eyed puppy dog look that just draws you in. Ariff Azlan might be joining be to watch it so Yay for company!

On my way out of the box office (no tickets, I didn’t have enough cash, and besides there’s no rush) I saw above the construction boards that bordered the demolition of the NCP Carpark that used to face the Cineworld/Gala Casino/Venue Club building and I stopped to watch. What I saw was really amazing. Not to say that it was anything glamorous but the three massive deconstruction machines were mesmerising to look at. In the middle of the bordered area was a large pile of grey rubble – lots of dust so I’m guessing it was crushed concrete – and with any concrete structure, it was reinforced with steel rebars. As with everything in the UK, they try and recycle as much of it as possible, not only because it’s good to save resources but also because it’ll save them money in the long run. But I’ll get to that part.

There were three huge machines. One ripped apart the original building – floor by floor, pillar by pillar – until it was only big chunks of reinforced concrete. Another machine scooped and pushed the rubble made by the first machine into the centre pile. I have to point out that when the first machine ‘dismantles’ the original building, it does so in big hulking chunks, many of the chunks still have whole steel rebars in them, and you can’t recycle reinforced chunks. The third machine was the one I really admire the most. It had a beak-like mechanism in the front which it used to pick up big chunks of concrete and crush in-between its jaws, freeing the steel rebar. It would then manoeuvre the steel rebars into a pile and pick it up and drop it into a separate pile for the rebars. What really fascinated me about the last machine was the delicacy in which the driver manipulated the machine to separate and pick up the steel rebars and sheet metal from the rubble. Imagine a small dog nosing thru its food for its favourite bit and picking it up in its teeth and you’ll have some semblance of what the mechanical creature was like. It “nosed” the metal into position, it shook side to side to loosen the metal from its jaws, it even dropped and re-grabbed small piles of metal if it “felt” it didn’t have a good enough grip.

If anything, watching the deconstruction site has given me a new appreciation into demolition. Anyone can tear down a building, but to do it with style is a whole new art form.

* * *

New Phone!

Nokia 6600 Slide! I like it! It’s black! It’s got 3G!

And I want to get an Invisible Shield for it.

* * *

Oh yes, Last post was so optimistic. What I didn’t count on was the flat being left like a tip by the previous tenants. I returned to Swansea the same day and spent a couple of day fuming about the injustice etc etc. The flat is nice and clean and liveable now and I don’t want to relive the horror and disgust that I first experienced when I stepped in. Thank god for Aziah and her Mum and the wonders of disinfectant.

* * *

Julie bought me a little sunflower in a pot which I have named Maximillian (Max for short). He's not doing too well at the moment but when he's feeling better and looking perkier I'll take some pictures to share.

Good News!

1. I GRADUATED!! Fk yeah!
2. I'm moving into my new flat TOMORROW! Fk Yeah!
3. I'm in Swansea and the weather is good! Fk Yeah!

Ok, so the last one isn't that great but it's still good.

I got a Second Class honours Lower division. I'm quite pleased with it tho. A Second Class is still a second class. Onwards to the BVC!

The New Flat will be awesome! I am SUPER looking forward to staying in a flat with less than 12 other people and having a comfortable double bed and my own shower! No internet tho as far as I can tell unforch, so no updates for a while I reckon. Enjoy yourselves cyber people! I know I will be!

Poetry

I'm scared. Confused.
Like I'm peering into the the darkness
and all I see is a light that blinds.

Shell shock. Mortar bombed.
The dust cloud rises up
and obscures what should be clear.

The radio crackles in silence.
Surrounded by a choking warmth
my skin shivers in fere.

How did it come to this?
A hatred of the soft
and the condemnation of the lost.

-Anon, 2009

FTS

i think i have become boring girlfriend.

Fk that Sht. Wht the hell is wrong with me? I gotta stop trying so hard.

Moar schopping

meaning MORE SHOPPING. well There are still things I want to buy but have not.

1. I went to Dorothy Perkins today and they HAVE the dress I wanted but not in my size. None in stock and none that they can order in. SHOOT.
2. I hit H&M a few days ago and was considering buying a nice light blue cardigan from them. Unforch its. £9.99 so a bit over my budget right now. Waiting till the parentals come...
3. Tried on the Red Next dress I was thinking of wearing to Grad but its not very flattering now that my middle has shrunk somewhat. I need a fitted, structured dress. Preferably red, preferably fitted.

Hmmm... So one is a size issue, one is a price issue and one is a "I-can't-find-anything-to-wear!" issue. I could always wear what I have in the closet. I have no problem with that looking between the price tags on the racks and my empty wallet. Oh why did my haircut have to cost so much!? Darnit...

Yeee ouch

Exams are over. Will it's been over since last Tuesday.

I was trying to be good and I went to a gym class on Friday. Legs, Bums & Tums. A good class and left feeling all worked out, tired but a bit sore. I was sore all day until i went to bed.

Come Saturday.

Getting up in the morning was such a pain. And I mean PAIN. From the waist down. Quads. Hamstrings. Calves. And all the tendons and ligaments were twitching and straining and refused to hold my body upright or move me around the room smoothly.

I walked down to the city to try and walk out the built up lactic acid in my legs. MISTAKE. After a relatively pleasant stroll around the city for a few hours, I was walking back past city hall when my left leg decided to seize up and stop working and decided to tell me by sending shooting pains every time i tried to put any pressure on my knee.

All I can say is OUCH. and still ouch.

Beware all ye who dare...

I am in the foulest of foul moods.

1. My period came today. Effing OUCH. It feels like there are callipers trying to pry my hips apart. And not mentioning the dull ache of the fat kid trying to dig his way out with a blunt spoon. And the eternal flow of blood. Disgusting I know but I have to live with it and I’m not happy about it EITHER.

2. I have my final exam on Tuesday and this is the LAST thing I needed. What next? A power cut?

3. One of my flatmates with which I share pots and pans with is hogging them by cooking and not cleaning up after herself. I’m sick and tired of having to clean up after her every time I want to eat so I’m not going to clean up anymore. It’s oven pies and milk and toast and waffles for me from now own. Suck it.

4. Why do I look like such a dork when I wear glasses and tie my hair up? Seriously, there cannot be a more unattractive look but yet it’s amazingly practical. I can’t win can I?

5. FYI, period pains are like having gastric pains, just lower down. Imagine the worst pressure on your gut like you haven’t eaten all day and your intestines are so full of “wind” that they feel like they are going to burst, and that’s what period pains are like. Except they aren’t constant. Oh no. They ebb between excruciatingly painful to achingly bearable like a indecisive fly trying to get out of a closed window.

Piss off, all of you happy people, and leave me to wallow in my fury.

Rethinking shapes...

Give me athletically toned over curvy tho. Muay Thai ftw!

Wasted waist?

I'm not obsessed with hair or food or clothes or my looks by my own admission. There is one thing i will admit being slightly obsessed with tho. And that's my waist. Mainly because I'm short and I was quite round at one point and I want that curvy cut-in waist but can never manage to get. That hip-to-waist ratio becomes uber important when you're only 5-foot-nothing.

So cue this morning (or rather "afternoon") when I got up and was feeling rather trim and lean. I lost my measuring tape a while back when I lost my sewing kit so I've resorted to using the AV cable from my Canon camera to measure round. Held the length and folded it in half and measured against the length of an A4 peice of paper which i know from Microsoft Word is 11.89 inches.

Saturday, 12.30pm Waist measurement: 24 inches

Score!

I was really pleased. The last times I measured round (not that often, only when I remember to) It's been 25 inches after I wake up.

I measured round a few times to check that I got it right (Yeah, it was right :)

Remeasured at night as well. 25 inches!

It sounds damn vain to be so happy about this but I'm glad to have a waist. It's amazing how easy it disappears when you're short and it takes all the will power in the world to try not to care when I want to binge out on briyani or something. I'm always going to have a thick waist, it's in the genes and I'm just not built to be skinny. Curvy is the best that I can aim for so that's the goal.

Now I need to hit the gym a bit more to tone up. I'd like to get some of that old gymnastic ab definition back. I used to have a six pack you know - back when I was six tho...

Numb Bum

Have you ever sat on your bum so long that it becomes uncomfortable and you have to keep shifting your weight to get some feeling into that area?

Have you ever sat on your bum so long that it begins to hurt when the bottom of the pelvis digs into the seat cushion?

Have you ever sat on your bum so long that it stops hurting and begins to go painfully numb?

Have you ever sat on your bum so long that you can semi-feel the blood pooling at the butt tissues?

Have you ever sat on your bum so long that it stops hurting altogether and your bum feels like a big squishy cushion because there's no more feeling down there?

I just have. It's weird.

Giddy up!

One for the road. A pony tail with a literal hair band. A little messy because I only have one bobby pin but I like it! a 9/10 for neatness and naturality but minus one for me not being able to tie a nice pony tail all the time. And from the front, I look a bit bald with a pony tail. Damn fine hair!

Note to self: remind mum to bring over bobby pins. They are expensive over here!

Au Natural

I like this :)

Air-dried.

9.5/10! Minus points cos my hair isn't shiny :(

I'm glad I can see myself in a messy unposed state and still think it looks better than chemicals and heat. I honestly believe that it looks nicer :)

Balance

Oh dear,

I have become what I hated the most. Too many cutesy posts and none with actual intellectual substance. Exams are not to blame for this drain of blog post uncreativeness. I've just been too happy with life and/or otherwise preoccupied with the Boy and work and so forth to dwell on the darker side of society and existance.

After reading some of my older posts and their comments, I feel like I have lost some good readers in favour of sunshine and sparkles.

I do promise to write something more thought-provoking after the Exams end.

Till then!

Productive procrastination?

My maternal granddad turned 80 over the weekend so

HAPPY 80th Gong Gong!

Yellow for added ong-ness.

* * *

I'm supposed to be writing down notes for Med Eths Exam but instead I found myself craving a dress that I saw on the internet while I was looking for a red dress for graduation. My mum asked me to at least think about what I was gonna wear so the train of thought is not entirely my own. However, I was going thru several online uk retailers (Topshop, Asos, Next etc) and I found this gorgeous 2-in-1 dress top/skirt combo which I really wanna get:

It's 20 pounds but I think it's abso fab cos its a tank top AND a skirt all in one! You may be thinking, but you could do that with a tank top and a skirt. WITHOUT actually buying that. One problem I have with skirts and tops are that the tops have to go down quite low on me cos I have rather a short torso (grrrr) so the skirts usually have to go down quite low too, to the point where they would practially slip off. I have my fair share of skirts but they all have to sit quite low on my hips, and they move upwards (as skirts do) when I walk. Oh, and there's a grey one too!

I couldn't buy either of them because they don't have my size in stock! Gutted!!

I have a little crush on dresses and I'm glad that recently, there are more casual dresses availiable so that it doesnt take a special occasion to pull a dress on and walk out of the house with it. The only casual dress that I have is a brown linen one - the brown is honestly the colour of mud. It's a nice dress but super super boring looking. Maybe over the summer I'll "Gok" it up with some beads or something. Gok's Fashion Fix ftw*!

*people keep asking me what does "ftw" mean? It means For The Win! Deriving from the slang terms that sports pundits use when asked who they think would win the match/race/etc.
e.g. "It's Manchester United for the win!"

* * *

Which is a nice segway to mentioning that Manchester United are the Barclays Premier League Champions 2008-2009! Awesome!

I am very pleased about that and I was watching the United-Arsenal match on justin.tv and I was looking forward to seeing them pick up the trophy and celebrate and all that but the stream that I was watching swiched over to the other Sky Sports Channel so I missed the celebrating! Gutted!!

So I've been trying to find a clear video of the trophy lifting bit in Old Trafford but no luck yet.

* * *

The Boy is nose deep in exams so boa sorte meu amor.

Lea is done with her exams *jealous* hehe Well done Miss Tan!

Full har har

A Full hair braid but with a slight twist. I took half hair first and did 4 turns of a plait and used it as the center braid in the full hair plait. It doenst show but it looks quite smooth I guess. It's not a centre braid as it slants off over the right shoulder. 6/10 for being pretty but boring. Useful in studying situations. Now if only my hair was a little longer then it wouldnt prickle my collarbone so much...

Half Eh?

A pleasant half-hair plait. Straight hair is remnants of the blow-dry a few days ago. Score: 6/10 cos Even tho it loks nice, Taking half hair is tought for me cos my hair is quite thin so it looks even thinner when half is tied up.

* * *

This is wilso serve as a hair diary so that I know what I can and cannot do with my hair. There are weird things that I do to it late late at night which look alright but I quickly forget what I did and how I did it.

Straight Away

Blow-drying your hair is a necessity in the UK. I don't particularly enjoy it, I am fully aware of heat damage and I try not to use the hair dryer but when the weather is damp and cold, a head full of wet hair is the worse thing to have. I use a spray on heat protection + straightener (2-in-1) so my hair comes out (un)naturally straight. I still find it quite eerie even after a couple of years of using this product. I'm used to having air-dried messy hair.

This is blow dried straightness. I need a hair cut. The ends are getting feathery and not behaving.

I reckon a reasonable 7.5/10. Its neat. It feels tidy. It's great for doing pony tails and getting hair out of the face and I like that I can run my fingers (slowly) down from root to tip if I dry it properly. I don't like the look however. Too poker straight and boring. And it never lasts long. One good gust and it's back to hair-all-over-the-face.

The orangey streaks are the remnants of highlights I had in over last July. I got lighter brown highlights and black lowlights which is why you may see an array of orange-brown-black colours in there. The orange is the result of the light brown getting washed out. I had dark purple streaks put in a couple of years ago and they washed out orange too! My hair doesn't hold colours like it holds curls...
The dark mahogany brown in-between the orange streaks is my natural colour. I swear. And I'm quite pleased that it shows up in the sun and in pictures because I can't really see it for myself.

* * *

I'm not that hair obsessed. I just wanted to fill my blog with something that I could talk about that I can talk about with substance. Not necessarily interesting to read but mainly to at least bulk out my Blog entry list.

Oh and I made cheese on toast today! The cheese has gone a bit off I think...

Sleep and Specs

So I slept on the curls and voila! Lovely bouncy waves! They are a little looser than they look in the picture but they feel nice and soft and give my hair a bit of much-needed volume.

I love this hairstyle! 9/10 for gorgeous bouncy waves! The only bad thing is that when windy, the waves will go haywire. And since I also like being messy and running around, they won't last very long. So minus 1 mark for relatively high maintainence.

Also, I highly recommend watching BBC's 10 Things You Need To Know About Sleep. Really informative and really helpful, especially if you're highly strung out on exam stress and have early mornings to wake up too.

* * *

I've also recently remembered that I bought these. No, they are not defective sunglasses, they are Natural Vision specs which I bought from Guardian in Malaysia.

The small open dots allow the eye to focus naturally on a point and they work for any visual impairment from long-sightedness (as tested on my parents), short-sightedness and astigmatism (as tested on me) and a few others which are mentioned on the box but I don't remember what they are. They are my little triumph of retail pioneering because they are about 60 Ringgit and at that price my parents were not happy about me buying them but once I brought them home and made them try it, they were sold. Apparently after wearing it for about 10 minutes, my dad's long-sightedness wasn't so bad. Technically they are better than specs because they force your eyes to focus instead of relying on glasses to do the work. They claim to reverse astigmatism and so on because of this. Unforch at 60 Ringgit a pop, they are a little too pricey for everyone in the family to have one. Since I bought the XS size, thinking I was the only one in the family to ever wear it, I have them here. In Cardiff. Where I haven't worn them in quite a while. I don't know if the claim to reverse visual impairments is true but they are a good and less tiring alternative to specs. Especially if you don't have multifocal lenses for reading. The only trick to it is that you can do more than 20 mins near-point focusing at a time (i.e. reading) because you will strain your eyes. Not a bad downside I reckon.