Moving on?

So its been more than a week since.

How am I faring?

Ok I guess.

Mornings are considerably easier. It doesn't hurt as much. The pangs are more or less gone, save for the times when I glimpse at a couple that reminds me of what used to be us, then it twinges.

I saw Azzy and bf in the street today while walking back home. Surreal. I always thought (cruelly probably) that we would at least outlast them. Guess not.

I have to stop referring to the past us as "us". It's not past continuous.

But enough moping. Have to get on with life.

Tho I did admit to Mel and Andrea that about half of my motivation for staying is gone. It's still there and it's still worth staying, but I didn't realise how much of the urge to stay was driven by my heart as it were. I'm such a soppy person.

It's always the hard nuts that are the soft cookies in the end.

Oh and P.S. I've learned to cry thanks to the Ex-Boy. And when he ended things, the tears wouldn't stop. It didn't feel like it would, but it's good to get it out of your system as quickly as possible. No point smothering it and pretending that it's gone when it's just buried.

Need to find a new hobby. Or at least a hobby. I'm moving house soon too. To closer to work. And am thinking about getting a new laptop. I've popped open my budget but I'll get it after I move so there's just less stuff for me to transport.

Also Keylet has decided to charge us cleaning fines. For stupid things. I'm fighting it, but I want my damn bond back. There is absolutely no reason for them to charge us and I don't care how long it takes.

Heartache still. Only cos I saw Azzy today with her Boy. And also cos Azzy was one of my links to him. I assume she knows. I bumped into her on Saturday at her work and she didn't mention him. Facebook has it's uses :)

I think I should blog more often. Maybe that'll be my hobby till ! find one that isn't so sedentary.

Also, 22 years old on Saturday! Dinner with Mel and Andrea and work ppl on Friday and gym on Saturday. 10 pound entry. I'm thinking of going for a spa thing but I might not now. I thought I had a voucher but turns out it's only a 10 pound discount.

I'll see how I feel later on this week. It's pay week as well. Yay for Friday!

Well, I don't feel like I should end on such a high, seeing as I'm not really feeling it, so it's bye for now. Till next time blogglar.

There isn't any more

Yes yes.

Another End.

The Boy did it. Not me this time.

I'm supposed to chat with him tonight to get it clear why and that but I figured I'd better update you first cos it's been a while, hasn't it bloggy dearest?

It happened Sunday night during our scheduled chats on Skype. I didn't really see it coming. I lost the fear of losing him somewhere around the 1st year. It's not good to be paranoid that things aren't going to work out. I was at Andrea's place with Melody and we just had steamed fish dinner. I was stuffed.

I went to Andrea's room and talked like I normally do. The mood shifted slightly and we both got a bit quiet. I can't describe it but I was semi bracing myself for something ominous. I was rocked tho. No matter how prepared you are, it's never enough. And I wasn't prepared at all for that.

Needless to say it's beyond saving now. Its painful to say it, but to be honest I don't think there's any way back for us after this heartbreak. I wouldn't trust the fracture to heal.

So I'm supposed to talk to him tonight to clear the air about why. He did say why yesterday but honestly, I wasn't really in the frame of mind to take it in. I owe it to my future self to get closure now, no matter ho much it hurts.

This time, the tag is truly appropriate.