Matters of the freakin' heart

I would like to consider myself reasonably well versed in the matters of the heart; taking from personal experience and from watching the TV soap opera that life sometimes is.

Not to brag (well, yeah, ok, it’s bragging) but I think I’m a pretty clear cut judge of character, except of course, when it comes to the people I have crushes on. What is it about being in the spotlight that impairs our judgement so?

There are a few truths that I have painfully filtered out through many painful relationships (mine and other peoples) and will share with the World Wide Web that is my audience.

Truth #1

When in a relationship, the person who you are so enamoured with is viewed through rose-tinted lenses.

Absolutely true. This is a fact. It is only once you end the whole thing – and subsequently get over the denial/anger/hatred/self-loathing – that you see the person for who they really are. Not to say that deep down people are scum, but your view – at the time of courtship - is severely impaired.
And of course, all this information is of no use to those who have just started their relationships and are currently in the throes (in a non-sexual way) of passion. People who come to this realisation are usually those who have either: a) been dumped and have gotten over that person, or b) are still in a relationship and have gotten over the initial “honeymoon stage”. The b) people are lucky because they have found someone who really sees the person as other people see them. Not as a person on a pedestal. Which, of course, is what we all really want isn’t it?

Moving on…

Truth #2

When in a relationship, and so blissfully happy as a result, you try your hardest to make the people surrounding you to become as blissfully happy as you are, no matter how hard they resist.

And the stupid thing is that you are so caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that you tend to ignore the feelings of other people. It is so hard to imagine other people being unhappy or depressed or worried or stressed when you’re feeling so good about yourself. You literally have to step off cloud 9 (why do they call it that any way?) and bring yourself back to earth.
Trying to make other people be happy is kinda like looking into a mirror and if you see something wrong, you try and fix it. And you would fix it the same way you would fix it, by being with the one and only person in the whole entire solar system that makes you blissful. Being guilty of matchmaking is a common thing for any new couple to do. Or any couple in general.

Truth #3

Well I only have 2 real truths. The third is basically just a realisation and a justification of sorts of why we (women I suppose. I don’t know about the guys) go thru the tumble dryer of emotions that we do.

What I’ve realised:

You may have read about all the self help books and articles on what people feel after a break-up and why. I’m not going to tell you which emotion to go thru first because that’s really an individual choice. It may be anger, or denial or hatred, but evidently we go through them all. And I’ll tell you why. It’s because of all the emotion that we had stored up for that person. The larger amount of time and effort we are willing to invest in a person, the longer and harder it is to let go. But letting go is the easy part. Eventually all the emotions subside and clarity is achieved; but before that there is the release of emotions that we hold inside.

Not only does the amount of time and effort we were going to put into a relationship count, but also the time spent together.

For example, take couple A. They have been together for 4 months and girl A is already planning the wedding. Boy A is thinking about the football game tomorrow. Boy A breaks up with girl A. Boy A takes 2 weeks to get over it. Girl A takes 3 months.
Why the difference in time? Not because boys are wired with different emotions but because he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as the girl was.

Second example:
Couple B; been together for 4 years. Girl B starts to feel like it’s not working out. After 3 months of feeling like this, she calls it off. She takes 6 months, he takes 2 years.
Now they were both equally invested in the relationship, tho not the girl at the end. The main reason is the same as example 1, she wasn’t as invested.

Still not clear?

Here is my hypothesis in graphical form: