Thanks xckd

Indeed. Sigh.

Summer Things

Summer shopping list:

*To fill the empty shell in which my soul once resided... No actually, just cos there's a sale on and I oughta stock up on necessities.

• Yellow t-shirt Bra
  Tho you can never have enough good bras
• Asics netball shoes
  Not necessarily netball shoes, but shoes for netball - BUT Netball shoes would be tres awesome.
• Bikini Bottoms from Bods.Bodynits
  This brand really needs to have more outlets.
• Slip-on Heels of my own
  Cos the ones I have now are a bit troublesome (but pretty)
• Neutrogena Mild Facial Cleanser and Face Lotion
  Both good and light. Not too alkaline.
• Sunglasses
  Oakleys like my last pair or at least a pair made for sports. Rubber side grips are a must. I wants to runs around!

Summer To-Do List:

• Watch mucho movies
• Drink lots and lots - of water (haha GOTCHA)
• People to see - Sha, Ezzy, Grace, Ven, Nads, Elisa, Jem, Azzy, Ili, Dennis, Felix, Daniel, Chia Yin
• People to see again - Lea, Ikh, Durv, Squish, Chel, Syaz, David, Alex, baby cousin Bradley

More Things to Eat:

• Prawn crackery-thing lobak
• State Bak-Kut-Teh
• Hokkien Mee
• Loh Meen
• Lum Meen
• Kaya Toast
• Dim Sum (anywhere) - esp PRAWN CHEONG FUN
• Won Ton Meen / Kon Loh Meen
• Prawn Mee
• Penang Assam Laksa
• Pineapple
• big fat Prawn Crackers
• Mum's Chicken Casserole
• Mum's Chicken Rice
• Mum's Spag Bol
• KFC Hot & Spicky Chicken
• McDonald's Chicken McDeluxe
• Kepong Satay

I'm in the office. Still a bit frosty since dad sounded me off for some layout error which wasn't my fault. Brr to you too sir.

* * *

A vision of a holiday near some golden beach is being squashed in the back of my mind. I'm doing the squashing consiously to stop myself from leaping out of the office window in frustration. Sigh. Oi, where's my excuse to go on holiday at? Cepat sikit boleh tak?

I really wanna get away from KL which is why I'm working NOW so I can take mondo holiday time of LATER.
Ooo, U'd better appriciate this. And we'd better have a kick-ass time! Or Else! (Jkn :P)

HoHum... WOAH

The good kind of woah tho. The kind where u go woah and then smile. And perhaps chuckle at the enormity of the woah.

So yeah, what on Earth am I talking about?

Not that big a deal but I like to share whenever anything cheers me up so this is me sharing.

I was feeling a little glum these past few days - what with work and such and such - and just generally coasting along. Out clubbing with pals and drinking with friends is fun but not the great fun that it could be if said certain person was in town, but hey - a couple of weeks ain't gonna kill me. So right, general feeling of sitting in the doldrums and going "hohum" at everything.

When suddenly...

Ok, so not like I have awful or even questionable self esteem issues. I am pretty satisfied with everything I've been given and some parts that I'm even proud of.

So with mental mindset of: OK, gotta get dressed to go with mum to KLCC, I was out of the shower, dressed in a skirt and t-shirt when I decided to change t-shirts. Just cos I can.

*Male friends may want to avert their eyes at this point - mammaries are mentioned, awkwardness may ensue*

You know that point of taking off a t-shirt where u cross your arms and ur right hand is at ur left shoulder and vice versa? I was facing the mirror in my room and gawddamn - are those really mine? Pamela Anderson can go suck eggs. I've never been a fan of plastic surgery or anything - however good the result, I think it's a bit too gruesome a process. But heck, someone up there in the Big Guy's design department must be a pretty decent guy cos he went: Poor Sara, she's so damn short - I'm gonna give her BOOBS to compensate.

I'm quite aware that I'm luckily well endowed - so when it comes to clothes, my motto is: If you got 'em, flaunt 'em - but don't wave 'em in people's face.

And I know how important bra sizes are to guys, but do guys know that bra sizes are important to women too? It's a slight buzz when you go bra shopping and find that you've jumped up in sizes. I've had the opportunity to experience this at least 3 times (depending on the cut of the bra) and I gotta admit, it's pretty cool - tho slightly scary.

Thinking back on a conversation I was listening in on on night on the way to Maison - boobs are majorly important in determining a girls "hotness" but not the defining factor. Ladies about to embark on breast augmentation take note.

And as proud as I am of my twins, I've always had em around - so dealing with them is not something new. Do a double take or go wide eyed or whatever, just keep the lewd thoughts to a minimum. Advice applicable to all males with regard to all females.

All modestly aside, I say happily brag that I have never worn a push up. Take THAT Wonderbra.

Sigh, silly boy

Ah, this is a purely responsive post, and probably won't make sense to anyone else. But hey, of you know me, you can ask me what's it about.

* * *

Dear Boy,

I'm not comparing you and whatshisface. Everyone is different. That's over and done and you've definitely come out tops. When I say deja vu last year, I just mean with results and the overwhelming sense of failure. Nothing to do with the Boys in my life. Mutually exclusive in a way. So don't worry your round little head about me worrying about this twisting into last year and so on and so forth. Personal and Professional tend to go on different tracks with me.

What else...

Ah, yes. "Inadequate to fill the need" [stop with the naughty thoughts the rest of you]. Venting is venting. All one really needs to do is just not interrupt, as rude as that sounds. Possibly with some affirmations here and there but comfort or words of wisdom are really not required. A pair of ears and a voicebox to go "mhmmm" once in a while is enough. Not to say that that's all your good for, but when dealing with vents, less is more.

I don't want you to ever feel like I think your second best or not good enough or not doing enough or whatever bad adjectives there are. I have standards and I generally stick to them. If I don't like something I'd tell you straight up.

So chin up. Don't worry about me. For the record, I've kinda told the parents and to be fair, its a big deal to me cos it's a big deal to them - me being the only one that they have and the only one that will have to take care of them in the future. I can carry the burden pretty well most times but I admit I have my weak moments. MOMENTS, mind you. One-off things.

I like you. I can forsee that I will continue to like you in the immediate future. So unless you do some major fkup in the relationship department, you're home dry.

*Major fkups include: cheating, serious indifference and general non-effort.

Take care, and I will see you in 18 days.

Love, Sara

* * *

A bit brutal. Not intended to make you (him) cry or feel bad. Just to reassure you that we're solid.

* * *

I have discovered that I'm no good at talking things like this through. I'm way better at writing. More organised. I like paragraphs. There are spaces in between. For some reason, I can't think in paragraphs. More like - shopping lists.

* * *

Lea: when you see me, ask me abt this. I have a new metaphor for you to digest. It's a good one :)

* * *

Note the lack of formatting and colour in this post to reflect the seriousness and somber mood that I'm in. Is it working? Are you reflecting with me?

Another Year

It feels just like 365 days ago. Same situation. Same circumstances. Heck, even same state of being. Found out in the same place around the same time.

Being a law student sucks balls.

CODE MODULE TITLE MARK RESULT
CL2320 INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY 52 PM
CL2324 LABOUR LAW 45 PM
CL3109 TORT [20] 55 PM
CL3412 LAW OF THE EUROPEAN UNION [20] 58 PM
CL3413 LAND LAW [20] 62 PM

I'm going to drop kick anyone who tells me to be happy with this.
One D, three Cs and a B.

Worse than last year. But I can make my own optimism, thanks.

And to gel it altogether in a whirlwind of "piss-on-Sara Day", I went to bed at 1am, with the thoughts of: I shall get lots of sleep because I have to work tomorrow and awake at 8.30 in the morning. I shall not be tired, nor grumpy because I will be fully rested and full of energy.

But no. In conjunction with "piss-on-Sara Day" I was very rudely awakened by none other than Sin Yew - he not caring that some people have to work in the morning or may be sleeping or doing something that doesn't revolve around him.

Now some of you soft hearts may be saying: Sara, don't be so harsh on the boy. How was he to know that you had work in the morning or tht you were sleeping. He just wanted to let you know that the results were out. You can't blame him for trying to help.

First off: I never asked him to call me. I haven not called him since I've been back. Not that I don't like the guy, but 2 years (18 months) of him is more than enough and I can honestly say that my summer holiday would not be lacking if I did not see him once.
Secondly: Regardless of your intentions, who in their right mind calls anyone at 2.22 in the morning? That's right. Just as I've dozed off into sweet sweet slumber and am comfortably resting in my bed, the SHOCK of getting jolted out of REM sleep and having to 1) figure out what the hell that bloody noise is, and 2) having to be concious enough to know its Sin Yew, realise what he's saying and try and politely get him to bugger off.
Thirdly: If i know anything about Sin Yew, he probably thought it was funny. But that's giving him too much credit. He probably didn't care or think about what I could possibly be doing at 2.22am that warranted him to think that I desperately needed to know at that very minute that results were out.

It boggles the mind.

But I suppose I'm transferring. This morning didn't start off well and the day is probably going downhill. I'm going to keep my head down and my nose clean. I just hope that I can hold it in till I at least get home.

And no, I haven't told my parents yet. They are gonna skin me alive.