Thursday, April 24, 2008

I think it's...

Gosh what is this feeling?

Overwhelming sensations of warmth and tinglyness that I wish would never go away. It truly radiates from deep within my heart and I can almost hear the contented sigh as is flows through my arteries and all over my body, right down to my toes.
I just watched 27 Dresses and don’t get me wrong, it’s a god awful movie but I’m a sucker for romantic happy endings so forgive me if I wax lyrical for a bit.

I think I’m going to have to watch some kick-ass kungfu action flick to offset the overload of dopamine that’s probably making me feel this way.

The thing about romantic comedies (from a girl’s perspective) is that when we watch it, we always put ourselves in their place. Regardless of how similar in characteristics we are or even if we would make the same decisions. Girls really just want to be wooed and chased and swept off their feet – in not such dramatic terms but along the lines.

Now I’m not your typical girly girl. I don’t like pink and I don’t like being all cutesy (unless it suits my purpose). I do like shopping but I tend to do a quick browse rather than a full scale rummage. I enjoy football – watching it mainly - and running around. I refuse to be limited by the fact that as a girl, I am a victim of my emotions but there are a few things I will readily admit to as being influential to my moods and therefore reactions. I get PMS. I do get mood swings. And as previously stated, I’m a sucker for happy endings.

I don’t know why that part of being a “girly girl” is evident in me and why the other emotional components aren’t. I’m a hopeless romantic and a cynic at the same time. I truly do believe in love at first sight and I think I’ve been a witness to it but I highly doubt that’s ever going to happen to me. I believe in everlasting love but yet again, not involving me.
There are so many good things in this world that happen to great people and I honestly believe that they do exist – I just can’t picture it happening to me – so if anything along those lines remotely seems to point to that direction, I can’t help but be cynical.

I question myself: why? Why be so cynical and disbelieving in my own fortune in, um, that area?
I blame history. But I shouldn’t really. I’m smarter than that.
I blame trust issues. But that shouldn’t count towards new things now should it?
I have to protect myself. Which is true. But to what extent?
So therein lies the question of Why?

There are a million excuses I could give before finally hitting the nail on the head but I doubt you want to hear it. It’s long winded and boring and probably you’ve heard it before. So without out going into details as to the what, let’s deal with the solution.

The quick fix solution is easy and fun and dare I say it, non-committal. Distract oneself until I grow up and have to make the real choices in life, because as is painfully obvious to me everyday, I am so very much younger (and unfortunately immature) than everyone else.
When I was younger, people used to say that I was very mature for my age. I would converse with people age groups above my own. I could hold an adult’s attention by the mere words that came out of my lips. I was used to being thought of as smart and educated and mature. But as I grew older and school came along, all that didn’t seem important. I wanted to play. And be a kid. And I think even until now I love living that childhood that I don’t remember having.

I’ve been reckless and foolish to put it bluntly in terms of stuff that people take a while to consider. Thinking back, I don’t regret anything that I did – I knew what I was doing and I accept that things had to end - but I just wish I knew then what I know now.

That is, not everything is so serious. There are times when you put everything you have into something just at the flick of a finger and times when you carefully wade into the shallows before you dive head first into the deep end. I shamefully say that I picked the wrong action for the wrong scenario.

But that was then.

So what has brought on this long babbling post about romance and the heart stuff and all that mushiness? I would be lying if I said that events of today had not altered my perception somewhat but in truth it’s the sappy chick flick known as 27 Dresses.

In the end, the reason that I like those movies isn’t the acting (heck no) or the storyline (well in part), but it’s the ending. Of course they never show you what happens afterwards – fights, divorce – the realities of life. But the endings are those picture-perfect moments that make all the ache and stuff worth it I think. And that’s what I think I’m hoping for. The movie plot sets the scene that tells you why it’s so special, but if it happens to you, then you know the past and you truly appreciate the fullness of emotion leading up to that moment.

Romantics like me tend to live moment to moment. It’s those glorious blips in time that make the sloppy journey all worthwhile. A true romantic (which I consider myself to be) is not fazed by the grand gestures of love and affection. We are touched by the deeper meaning behind it. You could hire a parade of flower floats declaring your undying love for someone but that would pale in comparison to a hand written note scrawled in crayon from the person sitting next to you that said “I Love You”.

Big WOAH right here. Don’t take this to mean this is what I or any other self proclaimed romantic wants. This is just emphasising the point about sincerity being the most prominent thing when it comes to these things. So if there’s anything that you take away after reading this blog (in addition to the encapsulating awe that you feel for me as a magnificent blog writer), let it be this: be sincere. With deepest feeling and the whole of your soul say it and make it be true. Don’t over do it but don’t under appreciate it.
Because for a certain few and a great many girls, that’s all that really counts.
And trust me; it will hold you in good stead in the long run.

Now I have to go and hide my head because I’ve just let out the secret to making a girl fall in love with anyone.

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