End of the Rope

I swear to God, I'm at the end of my rope. There are so many things I have to do. List!

• Take a shower
• Dry my hair
• Sleep
• Pack party things
• Do some work for today

Tomorrow:

• Remember about party things tomorrow
• Go to 3 hours of lectures tomorrow
• Go to the SU and check the room booking
• Buy masking tape
• Buy a pumpkin
• Buy Sweets
  
• Take a shower
• Get Dressed
• Put on Make up
• Eat Lunch
• Decorate Party Room
• Make sure people have a good time
• Clean Up room
• Enjoy Halloween

And I have to hold all this in my HEAD.

I'm more stressed out than tired - don't be fooled by the tag. I'm sleepy, stinky, and uh. I dunno.

Few things I know for sure. I could really use a pick-me-up right now, and I can't wait till tomorrow ends. I really can't. Stress-free heaven lies on the dark side of 10pm tomorrow.

Till then - I shall tie a knot at the end and hang on.

Murphy’s law

“When anything can go wrong, it will.”

So far this week has felt like that.

Wanted to go out; it was raining.
Wanted to sell books; bookshop only takes them in on weekends.
Wanted to go to the gym; was carrying a bag of books.
Went to collect something; it wasn’t there.
Went to see someone; they weren’t in.

A summarily short list but it has roll-over consequences. It builds up one after the other. Especially if you haven’t caught a break in between them it feels as if things are ganging up on you.

* * *
On a slightly different tone, I was listening to Liz Phair’s Favourite and while grooving to the rock riff and the lyrical lyrics I realised what kind of songs I like – I like those that make analogies. Similes, metaphors, and all those words you learn in English lit. Lyrics are important of course and everyone is attracted to music that you can relate to. And if you know me (or read my posts) you will know that the weird way I express myself usually involves a lot of analogies like “chocolate covered train with a gooey marshmallow centre” or some nonsense like that. It works for me. I don’t know why.

I suppose I like to imagine things and when it comes to describing something I can’t describe, associating it to something I can visualise helps.

* * *
I only blog when I’m feeling- well, basically when I’m feeling down, or angry, or sad. Usually not when I’m happy. So those massive gaps in time between posts don’t mean that the previous post represents my feelings/thought/emotions until the next post; it means that nothing really twisted my gut till then.

So by the process of analysis, my gut is twisted as we speak.

I feel so F-ed up right now. There is one thing that’s niggling in the back of my mind which although is a small niggle, is a niggle nonetheless. Then there are the other things. The oppressive cloud of gloom and depressiveness that is looming over me. The things mention in the first bit of this post. The fact that I feel lonely – and that’s noone’s fault.

I feel I aught to qualify that last sentence. It’s nothing that anyone else can do about it. There are certain responsibilities and decisions that I have to take on my own shoulders. There are things that only I can do for whatever purpose. Its not that I don’t have friends or rather, that there aren’t friends around, but it’s more like being stuck on a branch that’s so high up that no one can get you down till the fire truck gets there. It’s rather a helpless situation.

There are so many things that I have to do – tomorrow, this week, this year. Its pretty much weighing down on my shoulders (no wonder my scapula have been stiff and sore since Sunday).

It’s only something time will heal. But until then, I feel like crap. I want to punch something.

What is Love?

Quite a subjective question? A question where personal experiences can’t truly be separated from the subject matter at hand. It was on of those lonely boring nights where I decided I would take the question up with the general public – my general public that is.

Here are the responses that I got when I asked some of my friends “What is Love?”

"as far as i'm concerned, love is an excuse by mankind to dignify the lust that they feel for another during one point or another, it's a chemical reaction in the brain that lasts about 90 days (honeymoon period) proven by many scientists who really have too much time on their hands and don't get laid that often...
love is also a varying degree of admiration and acceptance garnered by one towards another
though in mine eyes it is the work of the DEVIL AAAAAAARGH
hahahahaha"

"God is love"

"Love is... that feeling inside when you look at the one you [love] . Its the feeling like you wanna be there for them when you can and you ALWAYS wanna be around them even when you have no reason to be.
Love is wanting to learn more about that person
Wanting to grow with that person
Love has different levels. Not puppy [love] and all that but [love] to different ppl. You do not [love] your gf the same way you [love] your parents.
There is [love] for siblings and [love] for a [love]r and for me, [love] to God.
But the one I told you about just now is of course, [lover] for a [love]r
Well, in general, I dont need to tell you about [love] of parents or God. Love for God is something else also
But when you [love[ someone, you cant seem to get that someone outta your head. You will feel happy when you think about her thought (sic) for guys, they sometimes dont express it that much.
Yea I am under the [love][sick] situation right now."

"warm fuzzy feeling and makes you skip and smile the whole time"

"hm
being a girl on her period and allowing someone to eat the last piece of chocolate and not killing them for it
cos u know that u can
and u know that they will take it
and u know that even if u dont kill them they will probably buy u more chocolate in the future
and that even if thye dont buy u chocolate in the future u still wont kill them cos its probably due to their lack of realisation that u REALLY NEED chocolate on ur period
hm
yes
and that once they realise all that they will probably laugh and thnk ur rly funny (in a nice way)
and u STILL wont seriously kill them properly
(and the same goes reverse, with something equivalent to periods and chocolate in guys - eg crashing their car)
oh oh and even if u kill them really badly they wont run away
cos its lik
not part of the imagination
intense yars"

"hmm
love is not just about loving someone wholeheartedly
it is more than that
love is based on acceptance, giving and understanding
and not forgetting tolerating
each other
and because of love, u want the other party to be happy regardless of how hurt or sad u are"

"it's something that can't be described in words
well..
i cant put it into words at least"

"Love is a feeling where u like someone and to da extent where it cant be defined..
lol"

"o.O
since there is no response...i would say...
Love is everything"

I won’t put what I think, mainly cos this post really isn’t about me. I did initiate this post as a search for an answer but ultimately there isn’t one. You make it all up as you go along.
I gotta say, I wholeheartedly agree with my best friend (her quote's up there) - if ya'll know me at all, you'll know which one I'm talking about.

Squeaky

This pic is too special to just post on Facebook yet.
Hmm, not to hold with tradition but no Boy's face has been put on this blog. EVER. So consider this an exception to that. Sort of.
Edit: By "Sort of." I mean that none of my Boy's faces have ever been displayed on my blog. And even tho this picture does not show his face, it's the closest I've ever come to putting it right up there on the front page. Rest assured your anonymity is still intact.
Edit-edit: Not so anonymous. Anyone who is mildly PC-literate could probably figure out who you are. But I don't think you mind, right?

Going to Dublin on Friday! It's going to be a hell of a trip. 12.5 hours to get there. 26 hours in Dublin. 11.5 hours back. Thankfully I have The Boy as company. I was going to go even if he wasn't with me but it's scary travelling at 11pm at night.

Not much has happened in terms of classes and all. I suppose I should break it down.

First Impressions of Final Year Classes:
Medicine, Ethics and Law: A highly debatable subject. One where I will be cramming the words of my lecturer and tutors down the throats of my soon-to-be doctor friends. Mwahahaha.
Evidence: Criminal Law under a microscope. Should answer a lot of questions I have about criminal and civil procedure as well as standards of proof.
Trusts: Oh lordy, if it were not for the Lecturer I'd be bored outta my mind. Entertaining and adorable fella.
Jurisprudence: If it's anything like the first few weeks, it'll be full of delays, confusion and mass hysteria. And classes haven't even started yet.
(colour coded to match the highlights in my timetable ;)

Everyone is doing well here. Last year's seniors for the most part are still here and therefore robbing me of my senior status! Bah. Ah well, BVC take them away!
The Juniors are a sweet and cool lot. Should be a wild year - of which I shall be watching intently from the sidelines. Apart from Netball and maybe FOD.

* * *

A quick aside about the picture above: I still get a funny gurgling feeling in my stomach everytime I see it. And I feel like squeaking. I think I may have hamster-itis or something. Weird.