Murphy’s law

“When anything can go wrong, it will.”

So far this week has felt like that.

Wanted to go out; it was raining.
Wanted to sell books; bookshop only takes them in on weekends.
Wanted to go to the gym; was carrying a bag of books.
Went to collect something; it wasn’t there.
Went to see someone; they weren’t in.

A summarily short list but it has roll-over consequences. It builds up one after the other. Especially if you haven’t caught a break in between them it feels as if things are ganging up on you.

* * *
On a slightly different tone, I was listening to Liz Phair’s Favourite and while grooving to the rock riff and the lyrical lyrics I realised what kind of songs I like – I like those that make analogies. Similes, metaphors, and all those words you learn in English lit. Lyrics are important of course and everyone is attracted to music that you can relate to. And if you know me (or read my posts) you will know that the weird way I express myself usually involves a lot of analogies like “chocolate covered train with a gooey marshmallow centre” or some nonsense like that. It works for me. I don’t know why.

I suppose I like to imagine things and when it comes to describing something I can’t describe, associating it to something I can visualise helps.

* * *
I only blog when I’m feeling- well, basically when I’m feeling down, or angry, or sad. Usually not when I’m happy. So those massive gaps in time between posts don’t mean that the previous post represents my feelings/thought/emotions until the next post; it means that nothing really twisted my gut till then.

So by the process of analysis, my gut is twisted as we speak.

I feel so F-ed up right now. There is one thing that’s niggling in the back of my mind which although is a small niggle, is a niggle nonetheless. Then there are the other things. The oppressive cloud of gloom and depressiveness that is looming over me. The things mention in the first bit of this post. The fact that I feel lonely – and that’s noone’s fault.

I feel I aught to qualify that last sentence. It’s nothing that anyone else can do about it. There are certain responsibilities and decisions that I have to take on my own shoulders. There are things that only I can do for whatever purpose. Its not that I don’t have friends or rather, that there aren’t friends around, but it’s more like being stuck on a branch that’s so high up that no one can get you down till the fire truck gets there. It’s rather a helpless situation.

There are so many things that I have to do – tomorrow, this week, this year. Its pretty much weighing down on my shoulders (no wonder my scapula have been stiff and sore since Sunday).

It’s only something time will heal. But until then, I feel like crap. I want to punch something.