I think the post title is a little blasphemous but I'm ok with it. If Jesus can't laugh at himself, then he's no fun.
I haven't scrolled thru or re-read my blog in a while but I can't help but remember what I wrote last Good Friday and what was planned for that day. It was a day in March and further research leads me to declare that it indeed was
March 21 2008.
I can still remember how I felt and what I wanted to say that day. The Boy and I weren't getting along and frankly he was avoiding me altogether. Fair enough, I had ticked him off and we were actually supposed to have dinner that night. I felt one of us had to reach out to the other one, even if it was just in the form of a friendly handshake to say
"that's it I guess". And to all intents and purposes it was just a last-gasp, sombre shot at at least mending the friendship. I was rather bummed out thinking about what we could have been doing at the dinner and the fish fingers I had cooked up for myself weren't helping any.
To be perfectly honest, I can't really remember what I had for dinner that night but as my staple food for the last months of Year 2 consisted mainly of fish fingers and potato waffles, it's a safe bet that was probably it.
Back to the story behind the post...
I remember feeling mildly defeated. Mainly because I didn't expect The Boy to cancel. Or rather, to agree to cancel. But fair play to him, he was really upset. I remember from the time he had asked me to dinner a good two weeks before the date, I was getting all giddy and excited about it. And for it to just vanish in a few words really took the wind out of my sails. It did make me think back and wonder what I said wrong and try to figure out what exactly happened from his point of view.
Yeah, we didn't have the smoothest of starts...
What did I do? I couldn't think of anything. If it's something I can't think of, but he thinks it's so important, should I even give it a try? Maybe this was fate or destiny saying something. I really questioned myself and my actions and at the end of it, I was tired of analysing my every move. I was tired of being so cautious around him.
At this point, rookie readers may think: "Ah, you got rid of him! Good for you! You go girl!" *ZZZTZT* WRONG. Thank you for playing.
I was in the process of flushing him out of my system and the same was with him. Blog dialogue is so ghey but ultimately effective. He blogged about meeting me and getting to know me and finished with
but i suppose, after reading the signs, i cant see where this is going. perhaps if there was no exams going on in a month plus time, things couldve been different. alas, my parents deserve to see some returns for their little outlay; so this time round, its my turn to apologize.
So basically nothing was going to happen. And frankly I was relieved. I was tired of playing little cat and mouse games and I think he was too. I know he's not a fan of the little mind games that I used to do and maybe I went too far in playing with him. That said we ended up having a chat during the Cardiff Games at which I was determined to make peace with The Boy.
I don't know whether it was because I still liked him or because I still wanted him to like me, even as a friend but any discussion to hash things out would be a win-win for me. Clear the air. Sort things out. Clean up the mess. Nothing to lose. I had already lost a friend. What else was there?
If you're still reading till now you could consider this a behind the scenes look into my brain. But I can't help but feel it's like a story that you already know the ending to - kinda like Star Wars Episode 3. Without the screaming.
So with things said and sorted on that Saturday, I was energised and determined to put it to bed once and for all. I needed a plan. I needed to be sure of what I was going to do and stick to it. I actually figured it out in the shower...
It resulted in
this post. A full on confession, albeit, a summary of what I felt and what I thought had happened and what I was going to do about it. I was angry. I was determined. I was fed up.
And what did he do? He messaged me and invited himself over to my place to talk. About the post. And he was going to walk over. At 10 o'clock at night. I thought "
Blimey. It must be something serious." I agreed.
We talked. I sat on my wooden chair. He sat in the cushioned seat. He said he still liked me. I told him I thought you were done with all that. He said he reconsidered, in the light of what my blog had said. I guess it struck a nerve somewhere.
I was a little confused but that was squashed with the glee and giddiness that 1) he still liked me, 2) he walked all the way over to tell me that, and 3) um, i guess i still liked him. But I already said that in the post.
Back to the present.Since then, I can't help but look back and think that if we could get thru that, we could pretty much get thru anything if we wanted to. It wasn't the prettiest of starts but we're on more or less the same wavelength now tho the zodiac/horoscopes aren't working in our favour.
Is it foolish to be optimistic about the future? Is there a future that I should be optimistic about? I dare say I'd rather not get my hopes up. I can daydream and fantasize as well as the next person - dare i say, better. One day, one week, one month at a time.
The Ticket!
One of the dishes for Thursday dinner. Yes, those are CHILLI SEEDS.
