Thursday, May 26, 2005

The (Not-So) Simple Life

I do not like The Simple Life ("starring" Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as the dumb "blonde" skanks they are). For many reasons, other than I have a thoroughly intense disliking for Paris Hilton and believe that an hour of people's daily lives should not be wasted in watching garbage.



Below is irrefutable proof that The Simple Life not only will make you dumber, but will also lower your IQ by 20 points.

*If you didn't catch the repetition in the previous line - further proof that by the mere mention of the show, you are disabled temporarily.

The Title - The Simple Life



An insult to the kind and extremely patient families with who the rich brats stayed with. By labeling their life style as "simple" the producers are also further indicating that rich brats are stupid and useless and can't even handle "simple" farm/household chores.

I wonder whether the family was at any point tempted to beat some sort of sense or decency into the girls. Heck, I know I would. If I were raised in a farm-like environment, sure as hell my pappy would beat me for not talking back or listening to the devil's music. It sure would make the show a hell of a lot more interesting.

"Paris, come here. I told you no short skirts?"
[Paris] "But, I thought, uh...um... Nicole?"
[Nicole] But like, its like -
*Bitchslap 'em both across the face*


There, problem solved. And the World is better off for it. Which brings me to my next point...

Educational TV

Even though most shows won't promote "educational value" on the Tv, if you think about it, most of htem do actually teach you something. Take, for example, The Drew Carey Show. No educational value in that, you say? Take another look. It teaches how a big, overwieght guy can get thru life ok with help from friends, a good sence of comic timing and a really ugly collegue to tease. Plus, it's a comedy which helps you release stress and tention by enabling you to laugh. There! You are better for it already.



The Simple Life however (minus 5 IQ points of mentioning it), teaches nothing but the inverse relationship between millions in the bank and the ability to walk in a straight line. I have yet to glance thru an episode where the lack of sheer common sense caused a disaster/mishap/flashing. If It does teach us anything, its that rich people shouild not be on shows while handling any sort of machinery. And that's valuble information.

The Stupid Life

2 Stupid Girls
See the resemblance?!
2 Stupid Dogs


I've tried it and milking a cow does actually take considerable skill, but pouring milk from one place to another does not. I don't know whether they are pretending to be stupid or it just comes naturally. Which ever it is, the show is completely devoid of any real display of human qualities. For all the blondes out there who have been desperately trying to banish the "dumb blonde" stereotype, congratulations, this show going to forever reciprocate in the minds of future generations to come.

Eugh I'm tired. And if I mention the name of that damned show again I'm gonna faint.

Take heed. I'm only doing this to protect what is left of your MIND.

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