Moving on?

So its been more than a week since.

How am I faring?

Ok I guess.

Mornings are considerably easier. It doesn't hurt as much. The pangs are more or less gone, save for the times when I glimpse at a couple that reminds me of what used to be us, then it twinges.

I saw Azzy and bf in the street today while walking back home. Surreal. I always thought (cruelly probably) that we would at least outlast them. Guess not.

I have to stop referring to the past us as "us". It's not past continuous.

But enough moping. Have to get on with life.

Tho I did admit to Mel and Andrea that about half of my motivation for staying is gone. It's still there and it's still worth staying, but I didn't realise how much of the urge to stay was driven by my heart as it were. I'm such a soppy person.

It's always the hard nuts that are the soft cookies in the end.

Oh and P.S. I've learned to cry thanks to the Ex-Boy. And when he ended things, the tears wouldn't stop. It didn't feel like it would, but it's good to get it out of your system as quickly as possible. No point smothering it and pretending that it's gone when it's just buried.

Need to find a new hobby. Or at least a hobby. I'm moving house soon too. To closer to work. And am thinking about getting a new laptop. I've popped open my budget but I'll get it after I move so there's just less stuff for me to transport.

Also Keylet has decided to charge us cleaning fines. For stupid things. I'm fighting it, but I want my damn bond back. There is absolutely no reason for them to charge us and I don't care how long it takes.

Heartache still. Only cos I saw Azzy today with her Boy. And also cos Azzy was one of my links to him. I assume she knows. I bumped into her on Saturday at her work and she didn't mention him. Facebook has it's uses :)

I think I should blog more often. Maybe that'll be my hobby till ! find one that isn't so sedentary.

Also, 22 years old on Saturday! Dinner with Mel and Andrea and work ppl on Friday and gym on Saturday. 10 pound entry. I'm thinking of going for a spa thing but I might not now. I thought I had a voucher but turns out it's only a 10 pound discount.

I'll see how I feel later on this week. It's pay week as well. Yay for Friday!

Well, I don't feel like I should end on such a high, seeing as I'm not really feeling it, so it's bye for now. Till next time blogglar.

There isn't any more

Yes yes.

Another End.

The Boy did it. Not me this time.

I'm supposed to chat with him tonight to get it clear why and that but I figured I'd better update you first cos it's been a while, hasn't it bloggy dearest?

It happened Sunday night during our scheduled chats on Skype. I didn't really see it coming. I lost the fear of losing him somewhere around the 1st year. It's not good to be paranoid that things aren't going to work out. I was at Andrea's place with Melody and we just had steamed fish dinner. I was stuffed.

I went to Andrea's room and talked like I normally do. The mood shifted slightly and we both got a bit quiet. I can't describe it but I was semi bracing myself for something ominous. I was rocked tho. No matter how prepared you are, it's never enough. And I wasn't prepared at all for that.

Needless to say it's beyond saving now. Its painful to say it, but to be honest I don't think there's any way back for us after this heartbreak. I wouldn't trust the fracture to heal.

So I'm supposed to talk to him tonight to clear the air about why. He did say why yesterday but honestly, I wasn't really in the frame of mind to take it in. I owe it to my future self to get closure now, no matter ho much it hurts.

This time, the tag is truly appropriate.

Jour Six dans Saint-Etienne

Ok, so it's crept up to about 4 1/2 out of 5. Maybe 6 if you're being picky. But its on the up. I don't know if I can or even should keep it up. Time will tell.

And I've got nothing against KoC. Really. It's just a bit of time sucking that is fine when I'm not here, its just as unfortunately as time sucking when I am here.

* * *

M&S underwear is brilliant. Soft, yet stylish. I'm never going back to La Senza. Call me a convert.

* * *

Things to do today:

• Get up
• Have a shower
• Tidy room
• Clean dishes
• Make rice
• Buy candles
• Visit Art museum

All by choice of course. I don't want yall thinking I'm here as a glorified maid.

* * *

I don't want to jinx myself but there is good news which I haven't shared but come June 28th, hopefully everything goes according to plan. Wahey!

Saint-Etienne, France - Day 5

Bonjour from Saint-Etienne!

I don't expect blog posts will be all that common this holiday but I thought I should post some updates before I get too swamped later this month.

Yes, I am taking a well deserved (?) holiday in the quaint town of Saint-Etienne. So far I've gone to some people's houses; had a picnic in the park, complete with games and lots of giggling, and watched France play Uruguay to a disappointing draw in the World Cup; among other things.

I've met the CILEC friends, well those of which are still in Saint-Etienne. A lovely bunch, and thankfully, some peak English! They all speak French to one another which I first found quite unnerving. But it adds to the fun of trying to guess where people are from.

There have been drinks to say farewell to a number of people as well as the weekly Wednesday CILEC soiree.

The Boy hasn't played football this week which means Kingdoms of Camelot on facebook, or as I like to call it, KoC. For those of you who don't know what this game is, be thankful. It's not a bad game, by all means its really complicated and very addictive. Its the addictive part at which I cringe at. But as with Football Manager and other such games in the future, I smile and nod and take a nap or a stroll or something - in the hope that it'll pass, and for a brief moment in time, I'll get the Boy to myself again. For now, its KoC 24/7. Yay...

Its day 5 and Sunday, so tomorrow is the Boy's first day back in CILEC doing his summer French course. He got his B2! The next level up is C1 but he says that that'll take at least another year so the summer classes are so he can brush up on his french before starting Uni in September. Note to the Boy: Email the Unis again!

Well, the Boy is reading over my shoulder now, so it's au revoir for now.

* * *

2 outta 5 so far. I'm aiming for at least 50%! lol. We'll see...

Update: 3 out of 5! Turns out writing the truth really works! No, I'm not really keeping score. This will be funny in like 5 years time... hehe (?)

Ray of sunshine

My lovely (albeit sometimes stinky) house mate just popped in for a word.

It's his house that I was going to stay in over summer.

He went to speak to his letting agent today about the housing issue.

Turns out, the agency was sympathetic and said "We can't hand your friends the keys. It says so in your contract."

But they can hand the keys to a tenant, who then hands the keys to whoever they want.

But, 5 of the 6 tenants are international students. They'll be out of the country by then. The 6th one will be in Portsmouth.

But, the 6th guy said: Ok, I'll pick up the keys for your friends. Bless him!

(Portsmouth is a 4 hour train journey to Cardiff. Gag.)

So...

I have a place to live over summer! Yay!

*mentally jumping for joy*

*physically too tired and worried about Child Care tomorrow at 9am*

Wish me luck!

Back on track

Sorry sorry. I've been busy.

Since Paris it's been all about knuckling down and working hard. Fingers crossed it pays off.

Anyway, mondo stressed. Wasn't so stressed yesterday but things have changed / turned to shite since yesterday.

1. The place I thought I was going to live in during summer - turns out the letting agency has now done a 180 and said no, you can't stay there. Which would have been a fine thing to say 3 months ago. Not now. How the heck am I supposed to find a place to stay in one month. Looks like I'm going to be homeless from July.
   
   
2. Job hunting is also going nowhere. I've applied and applied. And applied. I feel... unemployable. There was a news article in the Daily Mail (of all places) of this girl who had sent over 200 applications for jobs and gotten none and she committed suicide. Depressing thought! She only had A-Levels so I thought, hey, I've got a degree and soon a post-grad! I should do better! Wrong. Well wrong so far anyway. Not to worry, I don't think I'm suicidal. Heavily worried about my future and almost immobile with fear, but not suicidal.
   
   
3. Last assessment looming. I'm really putting my all into these last ones. I haven't gotten all the grades I've wanted so far so it's all or nothing now. I should have worked harder during the last ones. Well, at the time I thought I did ok, but who knows. Please just give me a few more VCs. Please. I shouldn't please you. I should be slapping myself and shouting Come-on!

To France in a couple of days. I've started doing waitressing work with a recruitment company in Cardiff so I've got some jobs lined up before and after I go. I really want the security of a contracted or permanent job though. I have to pay my own rent and everything from July onwards. I've never had to do that before...

So if any of you have spare wishes or prayers left, if I could squeeze in a little corner of that to say help please that would be cool. If not, I understand that you have better things to do than be kind to the less fortunate. I'm sure you're feeding orphans in Africa or caring for sick puppies or something like that.

* * *

Back to the topic of France...

I really am excited to go. Well I was more excited to go a few days ago but the burden of recent events has somewhat diminished that light. If only I could go to Saint-Etienne and come back and all my problems were solved! I'd have a place to live and a great job. That's really all I want from life now.

So when can I open my present?

Paris Wrap-Up

So Paris was a truly awesome trip. Totally 10 outta 10 for the time I had there - the only downside being not enough time!

I really miss the Boy, but that goes pretty much without saying. Post-Paris the yearning is worse though. I think we're both suffering from separation anxiety. It's the good kind tho, cos we're both feeling it. More to the point, we're going through it together, so it's not really anxiety - just separation sickness if you will.

So I've also come back from Paris with some stories that I thought would be interesting to share. Better I write it down now before I forget and these priceless gems are lost forever in the murky waters that are my memories. Not that they aren't important, but they are probably going to be overwritten by funnier, exciting holiday memories in the future.

So here we go:

The hotel

We stayed in Pacific Hotel in the Montmarte area of Paris. Not the safest place but I wasn't alone so I felt alright. It different travelling with friends or family but with the Boy I get defensively lazy. Which I shouldn't but it's nice to feel like you can relax on holiday.

We took the metro to Porte de Cilgaincourt (Line 4) and then had the tough time of finding our way to the hotel from there. This is at about 9pm at night and it was raining so no mean feat. The Boy took the lead - as you know, I'm hopeless with directions - and we began walking. In the wrong direction. In the rain.

I place no blame. If he hadn't walked in that direction I probably would have too. However, I was the one who said "Yeah, it's raining. Ask the guy in the shop where the heck we are." And voila, we were walking in the wrong direction.

Well we found the hotel. It's a lot nicer than the dorms Chern and I stayed in when we went across Europe.

The Boy talked to the guy at the desk. In French! Like a local. I was glowing with pride. Ah...

Anyway, turns out that the hotel had overbooked our hotel room type.

We booked and paid for our hotel room online. We paid for an economic double room - which means only a double bed in a room. We would have to share a bathroom, but we didn't mind that. It was 45 euros per night for a double room, 180 euros in total for the 4 nights. These numbers become important later in the story ;)

I managed to catch the concerned expression on both the receptionist and the Boy's face. I was beginning to worry.

Then I caught the words "chambre" and "change". Oh?

Turns out, because they had been overbooked, they were going to upgrade our room for 2 nights! We would have to change rooms on the 3rd and 4th night. But so what! We got an upgrade!

The guy did mention that we would have to pay 40/14 euros. As I've said, we paid in full already. The Boy managed to sort it out and tell the guy that we paid in full. He looked at our papers (email print outs) and said ok. Hey, we do things right ok!

So we got an upgrade for 2 nights!

Room 309: Double bed, en suite bathroom - shower, toilet and sink and kitchenette!

If i wasn't so tired, I would have squealed even louder :)

Day 2 (Monday) we had to pack our stuff and bring it downstairs so that when we got back that night, we could move into our new room.

Epic drama.

We got back on Monday night at about 9.30/10pm as we normally do. I spoke to the guy at the front desk. He had already had some trouble with a previous group who was talking to him before us - they were without a room for the day when they checked-in that afternoon. After he sorted their rooms out, I told him that we were told to change rooms. I got stuck with my "French" so the Boy chimed in to help explain.

We got assigned a room. A single bed bedroom.

The Boy and I were confused/puzzled/angry. What the heck? We paid for a double room. We should get a double room. The Boy talked to the guy at the front desk again. He told us that there were no more rooms left.

Virtual slap in the face. I was resigned to the fact that we would have to share a single bed or something like that. The Boy suggested we push the mattress off onto the floor beside the bed and he'll sleep on the bed frame. It was a solid flat bed frame, not like grills or anything, so I said ok if he was sure. We asked the front desk guy for extra blankets, bedsheets and pillows which were promptly given to us.

We were in the process of making up/down the bed(s) when we heard a knock on the door. The Boy was closest to the door but had to quickly up his jeans over his boxers and answer it.

It was the guy from the front desk again.

With a room key.

For a double bed bedroom.

I could have kissed him. But the Boy was in the way, and I didn't.

Room 205: double bed and en suite shower, toilet and sink. And the shower was bigger than the last one!

The last couple of nights in Paris were spent rolling around in a room we didn't actually pay for.

NB. The first room with the kitchenette normally goes for about 100 euros per night. The Double with the en suite bathroom would probably go for about 60-70 euros per night. We got a bargain!

I knew before hand that the hotel had some management and room allocation issues. I read about them in the reviews. This is one time I'm glad things didn't go as planned :D

Shakespeare and Company Bookstore

I should do more research on this place but as far as I can glean from the Boy's excited yelps, this bookstore was featured in a major motion picture, to set the scene in Paris. So famous it was. And although part of it was covered in scaffolding, there were more than enough tourists to prove his point.

Well the Boy went in to have a sniff around. I followed suit. He spotted a neat fabric bag with a graphic of the bookstore's shopfront printed on it. It was printed as if it were drawn or painted on the bag. Very nice. And only 10 euros.

So natch the Boy eagerly got in line and waited his turn to ask the cashier for the book bag. As he was waiting, he spotted the Company's postcard and picked it up to buy and send off.

The Cashier, bless her soul, was a bit thrown by this.

At first she thought the Boy just wanted to buy the postcard. So she rung it up on the till.
She asked the Boy for 1 euro (The price of the postcard). He gave her the 50 euro note I had given him earlier that day cos I owed him for the hotel room.
Then the Boy told her he wanted to buy the bag as well. Shouldn't be a problem right? Well she tried ringing it up on the till but It wouldn't work.
She got flustered. She couldn't get the bag price right. And she was holding a 50 euro note! I know it's a lot of money but it's not something that should put you off.
Then the Boy gave her 1 euro to pay for the postcard so he wouldn't get something and 9 euros in change. Notes are lighter than coins after all.
She said ok, I give you back your 40 euros first. And she did.
And then rang up the bag again. Because it wouldn't register the first time.
Then she handed put down 2 twenties on the counter. Again. As our change.

I feel guilty just typing this.

Well all in all, I did try to return the money. But I had the opposite of Jimminy Cricket with me so we took it and ran.

Granted, that windfall saved me quite a bit of cash.

Now we shall never mention this again.

* * *

On a more lighter note, I left Paris with much more than memories and good stories. I actually got stuff:

Remember that glass from Saint-Etienne that I blogged about a few weeks ago? The one that fell off the dresser and broke.

Well I told the Boy, he went "oh".

And then at the Gare du Nord train station in Paris he gave me this:

And I am not putting this on my dresser. It stays on solid surfaces from now on. It is as shiny as it looks and has a panther on the back.

And I don't suppose anyone remembers the dark patch during Christmas break when the Boy was roaming Europe with his brother while I was left moping and sulking in Cardiff? Yeah, well they roamed through Barcelona and the Boy picked this ring up for me:

Arsty fartsy as he describes it. My heart stopped a beat when I read the word "ring" on MSN chat. Thank god for artsy fartsy. It's silver too! And a little too big for my fingers. So I need to get me some silver polish and find a ring resizer. I'm not normally a ring wearer but it's awfully pretty and at least now I have a reason to wear one haha! Sort of a forced accessorising :P I showed it to the BVC girls when we were at Melody's place for chicken curry, lemak rice and wine. They approve! Though I like it much more for the sentiment behind it. Bonus is that silver lasts for, well, ever. And the band is really thick so it won't wear away easily. Plus and plus.

Day 3 of Paris it rained like the heavens' bladder was bursting. Both the umbrellas we had broke. I didn't have a hood. The Boy was only protected by his Law football hoody. Basically we were wet. Jeans especially. We hid for a while until the rain lightened up then we went for a stroll down to the Ile de la Cite, heading towards Pont Neuf (the boat ride, remember?).

It was drizzling non-stop so we headed towards the post office to get stamps and post our postcards that we had written. I had wrapped my scarf around my head because of the rain and was angrily miserable by this point. Grrr, darn rain.

One of the perks of a tourist city is that there are plenty of reasons to duck into shops when the clouds feel incontinent.

One of the shops I ducked into was a quaint little artsy fartsy shop. Not a pure souvenir shop but it did sell touristy things. But one thing it did sell were these cute glasses cases.

I had lost mine back when I went to London for the KPUM Debate. I'm pretty sure it's in my room somewhere, but for the life of me, I can't find it.

Well as I was browsing round that same shop, so was the Boy. I showed him the glasses case and he liked it!

I had bought him a toilet paper dispenser from a shop earlier that day that he had been eying/crazing/lusting after since the first time he saw it. I told him that I'd want to get him something that he wanted but not necessarily needed but would use and like. That's my policy for gifts.

Well the Boy recited my policy back to me and said ok, I'll get it for you. It wasn't that expensive so I said ok. Then we wandered around the shop a bit longer when the Boy pointed out some cute fibre bags. You know, the ones made out of the same material as the Tesco brown reusable bags? I like the material because it's durable, it's solid and it's doesn't get affected by water. And by that I mean it doesn't get soggy.

He was ribbing me about some teeny tiny bags when he saw a bigger, double coloured bag.

Grey on one side and pink on the other with a mushroom design. It had a round base and leather handles. I agreed, very cute. He loved it. You should get it, he said. I looked at the price. I countered, I don't think it's worth that much. I'll chip in, it's really nice he said. I hmmmed and said, no, I don't think it's worth it for that price.

I thought, yeah, I can live without another bag. Sure it's cute and useful and pretty but I can resist.

We paused and looked at the bag. For the last time I thought.

I'll get it for your birthday then, he said.

*my jaw dropped*

"Are you sure?" I said.

"Yes." the Boy said without taking his eyes off the bag. "It's colourful and practical and it suits you."
He then turned to the shop assistant and asked her to get it off the line it was hanging from.

So long story short, it's resting in my room now. It's been down the streets of Paris, in a boat on the Seine, on the Eurostar, across London, and it took a return trip to Melody's house (so I could show it off hehe).


It's awfully pretty though, isn't it?

When we were considering it I was going on about how I would use it to go to Lidl and buy milk (yumm). How I would use it instead of my Tesco bag - cos it's a bit big and floppy sometimes.

I will go shopping with it soon!

Oh, and I paid for the glasses myself. Seeing as the Boy paid for the bag.

* * *

When I got back, it was only then I noticed these strange marks:

It's three little dots and a smear of a bruise, not the birthmark higher up. I have no idea how I got them and they don't even hurt. I don't remember doing anything that would have caused something like that but I'm clumsy so who knows.

Don't worry, dear blog readers, I haven't been abused or anything.

I suppose another souvenir from Paris.

* * *

Finally, big love to the Boy. For all the memories. For all the things that I've asked of you and for all the things I haven't. I hope you enjoy the toilet paper dispenser and I hope it makes you smile when you look at it, the same way it makes me smile to think of you pulling tissue paper from a giant olive oil bottle :D

I don't know if the post-Paris texts and messages will continue as frequently down the line but I hope they will and you know I mean every word of them.

Je t'aime, mon amour.

Paris in 3 days - Getting there

So Easter break is soo frigging short. I didn't get to see the Boy over Christmas cos of passport problems so we met up in Paris for the first time in what seemed like ages (6 months to be exact).

Here's my trip in pictures:

Took the Eurostar from London to Paris. I got a single seat!


View of the French countryside. You can tell the difference between the UK and the continent, France is a lot flatter...

Paris Day 1

Day 1 - Sunday

Went to the Luxembourg Gardens to catch a puppet show in the Theatre du Luxembourg. So much fun! It was all in French but since it was for kids, I could follow along with my very rusty French and my personal translator sitting beside me haha.

The best bit was the kids in front getting so excited!


The view from where we sat. 2 big heads in front but it was still a good view. Only 4E50 per person! French kids are so lucky...

Near the gardens, we walked to the Pantheon. It looks so majestic!

Couldn't go in because the Boy didn't bring his passport. Oh well, next time then :)

To the left of the Pantheon was the Universite de Paris area a.k.a the Sorbonne! Which got the Boy so excited - he might be applying there for next year - so we took a stroll the check it out. Very very impressive. It what you imagine a proper university should look like.

Well it was only a street after all and we didn't have anything else planned that day - seeing as it was drizzling with miserable rain. Ended up outside a Medieval looking wall. Turns out to the be the Paris Musee d'Moyen Age (The Museum of the Middle Ages). French tapestries and that. A lot of tapestries mind you.


One of the more impressive ones. There were loads. There was also some singing going on. I don't know how to describe it but it suited the location, that's all I can say.

Headed out after a while. The Boy bought a book on "The History of France" which he was absolutely obsessed with the next day. It was eventually banned on day 3 and 4 hehe.

Strolled around and ended up outside Notre Dame Cathedral. We didn't go in because it was crazy packed and there was a massive line. More pictures of the cathedral on another sunny day.
Near that was the Shakespeare and Company bookstore. I haven't heard of them personally, but the Boy and his brother do so we headed over. Unforch the side of it was covered in scaffolding but it still looked... cool.

Hint to English teachers: How to make Shakespeare cool? Name a bookstore after him and feature it in a movie.

The Boy bought a postcard for his brother and a cloth bookbag. Both I really like but it means more to the Boy for sentimental reasons. Also we got free cash! Which I reluctantly accepted was based on our luck and that we wouldn't be cursed. It was basically change from the cashier and she made a mistake. I didn't say anything at the time. The guilt! Ah well..

We walked around the Latin Quarter and around Rue de St-Michael and ended up at the Notre Dame cathedral again. Palm Sunday Procession! I had forgotten what day it was. Yay chocolate!

We wanted to head to the Louvre. I generally trust the Boy's sense of direction. However, on the way to the hotel on the first night we went the wrong way, saved only by asking for directions. So understandably I didn't want to walk in circles unnecessarily in Paris at night.

Hence when I needed to take a pee in one of the handy public toilet dotted around Paris, I also snapped a shot of the map next to it. Ah Paris, you understand us tourists so well...



We made it to the Louvre but it was nearing 10pm and we didn't know what time the Paris Metro stopped running (it was a Sunday, we panicked!) so we left without taking any proper pics.

Dinner on the way back to the hotel was Chinese! Cheap and cheerful and proper filling.

Then back to the Hotel. End Day 1!

Paris Day 2

Day 2 - Monday

Sunny day! So it was up to the Sacre Coeur which was near our hotel in Montmarte. Uphill all the way.


And given my horrendous sense of direction, it was reassuring to have this sign pointing straight to it.

And yes, we did make it eventually. The place is truly impressive! And the view from the top of the hill was gorgeous - if not for the masses of tourists crowding round. Sigh.

Around the corner from the Sacre Coeur was the Artists' Market. There were painters and sketch artists flogging their wares in the market square. And as it was a sunny day, the tourists were out in force too. I was tempted to get a sketch done, but i cringed at the price. Plus, how would I get it home undamaged?


I think we were finding our way down the hill when I spotted this nifty little graffiti deer. Cute ain't it?

We had a spot of lunch then walked towards the Eiffel Tower!

Looks grand doesn't it?

We sat in the park and had some wine and some words.

Then waited in the longest line ever. Okay, so maybe not as long as in the summer time, but still too long for my liking. Plus I needed to pee - wine goes straight thru me.

We eventually did get a ticket and went all the way up! You have to stop on the 2nd floor

My fave view from the 2nd floor. Going UP!

And we did finally make it to the top! Paris is huge!

The third floor actually has an inside and an outside. The Inside looks like this:

And it's pretty small. Compared to the other floor of course, but when filled with people its tiny! Imagine summer - stuffy and hot. Yikes!

And only then did the Boy tell me he was afraid of heights. Bless.

We managed to Scramble our way down the Tower, no help from a group of teenage Irish school kids on a history trip. Noisy little fkers.

Walked up to Trocadero. Then to the Arc de Triomphe!

Taken from around about the Champs Elysée.

There are loads of names neatly inscribed on the inside of the Arc. All Napoleon's fallen methinks. I'm not sure.

Onwards down the Champs Elysée.

The Boy stopped off at the local McD for a toilet break when I spotted these:

Macarons!

In McDonalds! I was giggling my little arse off. And I bought a box of 6. It was like eating solid icing sugar. Very very sweet. But the caramel macaron was yum.

We headed back after that. Long day!

Paris Day 3

Day 3 - Tuesday - Last Day!

Decided not to do much today.

Went to visit Tom, one of the Boy's friend's from his year out in Brazil. Tom's Australian and lives in Paris with his French girlfriend on his ERASMUS year in uni.

And yes, I do feel a slight twinge of envy.

Anyway, Tom's place in Paris is awesome. It's small but cosy. I'll just say you can tell that a girl lives there. We brought some wine so we had salad, a baguette and cheese and the wine. The Boy and Tom were catching up on good times. Tom had to go pick up and babysit a little girl from school at 4pm so they had to cut their time short.

We walked around the Latin Quarter again bu it was raining so we ducked into Notre Dame Cathedral to escape the wetness. No queues this time.

When we got out, it was sunny!



But still a bit chilly. The Boy was wearing just a hoody over a t-shirt so he was a bit wet and therefore cold.

Had a spot of lunch at a nearby traiteur (caterer) d'Asique (Asian) - basically Asian buffet. The boy got nice and warm while we scoffed into some good filling food.

Headed down to Pont Neuf (Bridge Nine) to go on our pre-paid boat ride!

Turns out the Boy had already been before. Pooh.

Saw some amazing sights as well as learned some interesting things about Paris' history via the monuments and statutes.

Alexandra III bridge - the most beautiful bridge in Paris. Built to commemorate the friendship between France and Russia!

Last night, we had to go to the Louvre. It's just got some magic about it at night.

Ok, so I wanted to go to the Louvre. The weather wasn't too cooperative and the Boy was cold but it's an awesome place to be.

We'll always have Paris.

Oh crumbs

About a week ago I was doing my laundry - folding clothes and putting them away (like I should have done a week before) when tragedy struck.

But to set the scene, let me first tell you about my dresser drawers.

Mr dresser drawers have a mind of their own. They always want to be open and they never close or at least never stay closed, no matter how full or empty they are. Granted when they have clothes in them the weight of the fabric encourages the drawers to open, but point is that it's a dresser, my clothes are in them, and the drawers keep opening. But I can live with that.

Let clothes breathe if they want to.

I did realise that my drawers were becoming a little front heavy but I didn't think anything of it till that one week ago.

When the dresser fell over.

It fell forward and everything - and I mean everything that was on the top fell off. Luckily some fell on the bed and luckily most if it was plastic. Makeup and the like were all in plastic containers and what expensive glass bottled stuff I actually own either bounced off my bed or was in a wooden box (lucky again).

BUT something made of glass did hit the floor.


My glass tumbler from Saint-Etienne!

*sniff*

What to do? Fix it lah.

Superglue!

Tada!

Crisis averted! You can barely see the cracks! But it's obvious that it's been broken but I suppose you could call it "character".

Friday Saturday

FRIDAY

KPUM Annual Debate 2010 Part 1

So I signed Charlaine, Melody and myself up for this debate. Mainly because Shaun, who was organising it, sent me a facebook message asking if I would be interested in joining. Then, when I emailed him back, he said there was only one place left. I signed us up before I had even gotten a confirmation from Charlaine (oops). Well too late now.

I went to London on Friday via Megabus. Normally I wouldn't bother writing how boring the bus ride was but this time, the bus driver drove around Victoria and even stopped for 10 minutes at the side of the rod. For no apparent reason. I mean, if he wanted to dash to the toilet, by all means, don't piss your pants. But 10 minutes? Come on! Don't eat curry if you 1) know you have to drive 4 hours on a schedule and 2) know you can't handle it.

Anyway, arrived late. Rushed to Glouchester Road Station. Used my last 5p to text Lea I was coming. When I got to Glouchester Road she wasn't there :( so I waited around for a bit. I wanted to buy some more credit for my phone so luckily the shop at the station sold reloads for my sim. Unfortunately, he didn't take cards. So I rolled my way across the street to Tesco to get cash. Rolled on back to buy credit. Credit bought, I proceeded to scratch the silver scratchy thing when Lea appeared. Late, albeit apologising profusely. No harm done.

Scampering back to her cosy studio apartment (it's smaller than it sounds), I explained to her that I had 2 and a half speeches to write and send off to Melody and Laine that night. Dinner and all be damned (but no, we did eat). So as I settled in, I pulled out my trusty computer and got cracking.

I should explain, that the Debate was Saturday morning, 9am. Friday night, I was in London, Melody and Laine were back in Cardiff working on rebuttals. They would take the 6am train up to London, Saturday morning.

Half a speech done, I told Lea that I probably wasn't going to finish before 8.30pm. Naidu wanted to go for dinner somewhere before he went to Oxford to see his gf. Yeah yeah, Oxford Uni. Lea took pity on my dire situation and decided for me (thanks Lea :) that it would be better to stay in and cook. Naidu followed suit and bought food over to cook. I banged out the second speech as they were cooking and started on the third when dinner was ready. I was feeling like I had done quite a bit of work at this point and deserved a bit of a break, if not at least some proper food. Claypot chicken rice, vege and some thai red curry broccoli and cauliflower. The curry was disappointing because the curry paste was nasty, but mainly because it smelled so damn good, I was expecting fireworks. The Claypot chicken rice was fantastic tho - even if it did have ginger in it.

I finished my third speech around midnight. By which time Lea was falling asleep.

Rhetorical question: Why am I surrounded by morning people who can't stay awake past midnight?

Rhetorical answer: Because I need people to guilt me into sleeping like a normal person.

I took advantage of Lea's stupidly fast internet and watched Let's Dance for Comic Relief before sleeping. Lea was gone by the 3rd dance.

SATURDAY

KPUM Annual Debate 2010

Ed: I'm resuming writing this almost a month from when I started it so this is going to be brief.

Got there early-ish. Nervously waiting for Melody and Charlaine to arrive from their train. I had texted them directions of which tube line to take - seeing as London is so intent on improving their tube stations by shutting them down on weekends.

I saw Shaun again! It was weird after not seeing him for at least 3 years. He looked well and in proper organising committee mode. Kudos buddy.

Melody and Charlaine got there eventually! A little late but not massively so. They had taken the 6.45am train up from Cardiff so they were understandably a bit tired and hungry. No food close by! I asked Shaun if there was food in the building or close by but unforch there wasn't.

Crisis!

Thankfully, Shaun, being the saviour he is, saw my distress and gave me his small box of Honey Stars! All the way from Malaysia! Bless! Melody's face lit up with joy :)

We were going thru some of our papers when the event officially started.

Long story short

Round 1: We won!

Round 2 (Semi-Finals): We won again! 2-1 split.

Round 3 (Finals): We didn't expect to make it that far. We lost but it was a good debate. We got the difficult side to argue but we gave it our all.

Met up with Lea after. Melody and I went for dinner with her. Charlaine had booked the 6-something train back to Cardiff so she left early.

We went to this Japanese restaurant tucked away somewhere near Oxford Street. Big portions!

So delish, I was so full.

We caught our bus back with moments to spare. The bus people were a bit snipy with us for being late but I was so happy that the bus hadn't left yet, I didn't care. As long as the bus was still at the station, I was getting on it. I made Melody run too haha.

We napped on the way back.

When I got home I realised I had somehow misplaced my glasses case. I remember I had it on the bus. Oh well.

Oh, and as the Runner-Up in the Debate Competition, we got 100 pounds to split! Which was a nice consolation :)

New day

The clouds have cleared and it looks a lot clearer. I'm sitting in the Legal Practice Library with Melody thinking about what to say for Saturday's debate. I haven't touched PLR yet but I've got Blackstone's Criminal Practice staring me in the face so I could just photocopy the relevant pages. Once Saturday's over, I know I'll feel a lot better. I haven't even thought about next week yet.

P.S. I have to email Jerram to reschedule drafting class.

Poor Mel looks so stressed.

Happy February 14th

It's supposed to be a day of love and happiness. It's also Chinese New Year so double whammy!

I fked it all up tho.

What started as a normal nice conversation with The Boy turned into a noxious blend of crying a begging on my part. And I totally deserve it.

What happened? I fked up that's what happened. 14 months ago I clicked around The Boy's computer one day and read something I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have clicked around in the first place. I have no excuse for what I did. I know it was wrong. I've passed over meals just thinking about what I've done. And I would never condone what I did to anyone.

What I would do is encourage them to admit it. Even if they don't ask.

I admitted it. He took it hard. He's never done anything like that to me. I should never have done anything like that to him. And even if he did its not something I would consider important. We all take responsibility for our own actions and face the consequences. I'm facing mine.

I may have completely screwed over a good thing. But I couldn't bear not saying anything about it and pretending that it didn't happen when it did.

I don't want to preach. But if I did:

Love is about understanding. Love is about acceptance. Love is admitting when you are wrong and accepting the consequences. Even if it is heartbreak. Because in the end, you can't make someone Love you. You can only be Loved, and if you have just that, you're lucky. It's the one thing in the world no one can take away but yourself.

To The Boy:

Maybe I thought wrong about us and it something that we can't get over. I can't not make it happen but I can try to make up for it. I don't know how. I don't know what it would take. I don't know what you are thinking but I can only hope that you'll forgive me.

And if you don't, not every woman is like me. Don't let me be the one who ruins Love for you. Because it's not fair for the lucky lady that gets to have your Love and trust.

Trust is something you earn. It's not given freely. And you trusted me and I abused it and I can promise that I will never do that again. Actions speak louder than words and I'm praying for the chance to earn that trust again.

* * *

It's funny. I hate those despicable losers who cheat on their girlfriends and significant others with such a passion. I have always said to hell with them. But I have always been an advocate for the second chance.

I know that it sounds self-serving now, given what has happened, but it's the truth. And dear blogosphere, I have never told you anything but the truth. If they fk up once, shit, but you learn from your mistakes. Fk up twice, and that's it. If they haven't learned then they never will.

Whatever the outcome dear blogosphere, I've learned my lesson the hard way. But that's the important thing isn't it? That I've learned.

Never to do it again. Never to treat someone's trust so lightly. Never take anything for granted.

And always tell the truth.

Valentines 2010

I'm not usually the sentimental type, but since Paris is coming up I'm feeling especially soppy.

So here's a tribute to The Boy for sticking around - things that remind me of him:

His keychain from Brasil - parting gift from France. Most sentimental thing ever!

The stool fron Ikea which The Boy helped me carry all the way from Ikea!

Totes house slippers which I bought from Swansea Debenhams. The Boy was chatting to my dad while my mum and I went last-min shopping before we drove back to Cardiff.

Brown and er...brown winter hat from The Boy from his brother. It's too big for me but too small for him. Seriously warm tho! Saved my ears this frost cycle!

On the way to Swansea from Cathays, I accidentally left The Boy's metal water bottle at the Station. I bought him another one but as it was 2-for-1, I got one too!

I never invested in reusable bags. The Boy did. And ever since, I have developed a new appreciation for these things. This one, lady birds and all, was given by They Boy, in recognition of my new green efforts.

This was a Christmas present last last year when The Boy was still in Swansea. White gold! So lush! I'm not normally a shiny bling person but who doesn't like jewellery as a gift? Sweetheart gift :)

I haven't seen The Boy in almost half a year. Painful as it is to admit it, we're not the best couple. We fight. We argue. But that's the whole point I think. If we didn't, we wouldn't work. We have our ups and downs but I'm glad we go thru them together.

A month and a bit till Paris! Hang in there!

Speak of Mother Nature

And since my last post, Mother Nature has zapped me with her nature stick and blessed/cursed me with the crimson tide. The scarlet waterfall. And all the other euphemisms Lea, Squish and I came up with to gross out the guys. I still vividly remember the day we made tampon angels. Ah, good times, good times.

This comes as quite a shock because, even tho I said I was feeling the symptoms, the flow is usually delayed. Maybe it has come sooner because I'm not as stressed as last term. Or because Tash has some strange synchronising effect on me. We are starting to mind meld, and it's scaring me!

The only downside to getting my period now is that there is a danger that come March I might have my period around the same time. And that's no good for a romantic getaway to Paris. It just won't do.

I have to now start plotting to out maneuver Mother Nature. She's not messing with me again! Any suggestions for delaying or inducing periods are more than welcome. nothing permanent or dangerous please...

Period watch

Uh oh,

PMS is coming.

I can feel myself getting catty.

Tash is sensing hers is coming soon.

I've got all the symptoms that it's coming but somehow mine delays for another week or so.

I suppose this is a warning/notification/information/warning to The Boy and other people who will come into contact with me that I will be more sensitive and irritable than normal. This by all means doesn't reflex on you but it does mean that I will be more sulky and snappy, so don't take it too personally.

Hopefully it blows past with no permanent casualties.

Vanilla Chocolate day

It's been a day of upturns and down spirals. Its difficult to balance both, mainly because they not only happen to me, but to people I know and care about. Here's the break down.

1. Worked until 7.30am. Slept for 1 hour. Woke up at 8.45am for a 9am class. Result: serious sleep deprivation.
2. Presented work in PLR class. Got most of the answers right. Fave tutor teaching. Good start to the day.
3. Checked Summative assessment results. 2 VCs and 1C. I'm more than happy with that.
4. Finished drafting prep in the library while people talked about results. Some were pleased, some were elated. Some were disappointed.
5. Drafting small group with GG. Had to present again because (due to lack of sleep) I didn't want to sit in that class for longer than I had to. Work was ripped to shreds by GG. Got a little sad.
6. Classmates rallied to my defence - or rather on the offensive to GG. So it's not just me then.
7. Had a long chat with Su-Ann. Her Boy has gone off to Turkey travelling for 3 months so she's feeling the void. Thought I would try and cheer her up. I think I helped. I think.
8. Met Tash to accompany her to file a police report. Her passport and debit card was in a clutch bag in a house party and it was stolen. Tres upset and I was trying to help her do what she needs doing. Glad I could help a little.
9. Walked to town to deal with her debit card. Remember: 1 hour sleep. So very very sleepy.
10. Went to Oceana to see if her coat was found (Was lost on Sunday when she went out and was put behind the bar by a friend). Couldn't find it.
11. Went home. 6pm. Slept till 8.45pm.
12. Had food. Housemates are cheerier now even after sad things have happened. Tash is back to smiling again and Jun has returned to using me as an agony aunt. All is well in 72B.
13. Chatted to The Boy. Good news and bad. Tickets to Paris bought! But LLM results were not as expected. If he's sad I'm sad.

Tried to cheer him up. Don't know if it worked. Am aware overly optimistic point of view can be annoying but its how you deal with it personally that really matters. I try and cheer him up and look on the bright side. I do understand but I don't think dwelling on the past and what might have been is helpful. Especially when it comes to results. Exams are meant to be final and the culmination of months of learning. If you put in your all, who can tell you to do anything better? The Boy went quiet and went to bed. Granted it is late where he is. Hope he can see what I'm saying and am only trying to help. Hope he believes what I say is true and not just fluff to make him feel better. It is in part but I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it. I would say the same to myself. Hope he feels better and can still look forward to Paris :)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Always look on the bright side of life.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Be grateful for what you've got, thankful for what you have.

Always remember to feel blessed and never take anything for granted.

January Heigh Ho

So the new year has started and in full swing too.

1. It's started snowing! In Cardiff! It snowed on Tuesday. And its forecasted to snow on Wednesday too. Its really amazing to look at, I would be thoroughly more excited about it if not for no. 2 below. Also, as I sit here typing this, there are snow tourists (as I call them) playing in the snow outside. Ah, winter rookies...
2. I've started on a mini-pupillage and I have to go to Pontypridd really early Weds morning. Which means I have to tramp through the snow. Hopefully it's not too slippery. This is the first job-type thing that I've gotten on my own in Cardiff! The Careers Service thing wasn't as serious. I'm not getting paid for this but it's valuable experience! And looks damn good on my CV. And the bloke I'm following to court is really nice. Yay!
3. Getting down with work for next semester. Which starts in less than a week! Next Monday! Yikes!
4. Crisis talks over with The Boy. I guess its ok to call them that now its more or less over with but it was like red alert for a few days. It really felt like the US and Japan negotiating to prevent nuclear fallout. Amazing how inflated situations feel when your neck deep in. Water under the bridge. Moving onwards and upwards!

* * *

More on The Boy.

I think I may have ranted rather unfairly with regards to his position. I know I'm in the habit of making excuses for the Boys I like but usually I have a checks to reassess my position on things. I was lacking two rather critical components of my check and balance system: the check and the balance.

Not talking back the pent up frustration evident in the previous postings, but now with a better understanding of where we stand and a better system of communication, I'm feeling a lot better about us, and as a result, me.

Wounds need to be licked and be allowed to heal before anything else hits us for a doozy.

On that note - don't worry, be happy, love.

* * *

I've been watching several old Eighties films lately - Highlander, The Princess Bride - not to mention so recent ones - Dorian Gray, The Forbidden Kingdom - and I've come to cringe at them for the same reason - the weak female characters.

The Eighties films can be forgiven for that period in time when there was no such thing as a strong female lead - until Ripley in the Alien franchise. The recent movies attempt to balance a macho male lead with a strong yet weak female lead. All or nothing boys! If you are going to make a female character prominent, don't make her kick ass for most of the movie, only for her to miserably fail at the climax. Firstly it make no sense that they survived/succeeded so far only to mess up when it counts and secondly, as a plot device, your only achievement would be to alienate your female audience that you so desperately wanted to get pulled in by that character. If the main lead can succeed throughout all the obstacles, why can't the other character? I'm not saying a happy ending just because she's female, but because it would make sense to. Specifically in Dorian Gray, granted, he's played by Ben Barnes *drool* but falling helplessly in love after one day with a man almost your father's age is extreme, even for a suffragette. At least give her a bit more personality other than being smiley, pretty and able to charm a jaded old man. It's not impressive.

Fave female character so far: Mary in the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Forget Irene Adler. Mary symbolises what I would consider a good balance between the good old and the strong new. She's pretty, polite, well mannered and classy. At the same time, witty, smart and unafraid to tell you what's what. At she does it al while still being feminine. There's a difference between being feminine and being a feminist and while I think both are strong, one embraces what women have, while the other chases what we don't have. It's important to keep both in mind when finding one's strengths.

I always find it amusing that while men are physically stronger, they always want what women have. Women don't have penis envy. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys. We are (or at least should be) happy to be frank and beans free.

* * *

I want to get a Brazilian wax one day. Just to try it. There's this thing called the Brazilian rush. Sounds fascinating...

New uh... something

I feel like screaming.

Screaming out of frustration. Screaming out of anger. Screaming out of joy. A whole convulsion of emotions and there’s no right way to express them.

My whole body is twisted up in knots and those knots in unbreakable elastic bonds to another, miles away. I want to pound on the floor and beseech the sky to open up and drown me.

I have been watching RSC’s Hamlet in BBC iPlayer. Can you tell?

Ok, enough with the dramatics.

In truth, there’s not much to be all emotional about anymore. There’s a yes or a no and the answer is which path you take. Unfortunately I can’t help but wonder what will happen down that path. I worry so much about the next step that I forget to enjoy the last one I took. It’s a shit way of going but its what I’m used to.

I wish it were different but how can I complain when so many have gone down the same path and have gone so much further than me? Is there something wrong with me? Should I just stand still?

The problem with me is that I stop to look at the map and stop and ask directions that I never really get to where I’m going and I hardly enjoy the ride. Maybe if I had a car. Or a bicycle. Or at least knew where the heck I’m going.

* * *

HAPPY NEW YEAR! also