I just hope he never finds this blog cos that would spell out HELL for me. Erk.
Go figure but I think I’m too innocent for my own good. Good god, I’m almost 20! I feel like a nun in a brothel. Really. Take for example, yesterday night. First. Hickey. Ever. How sad is that. Actually, I’m relishing the fact that I actually got a hickey so the sad part has yet to hit me.
Anyway, back to the bits that are worryin me…
He is so bloody horny. Like seriously horny. I’m partially flattered and partially a little scared. Flattered cos no one’s tried to get in my pants before. Scared – because no one’s tried to get in my pants before. So it’s safe to say, I’m a little freaked out.
So yeah, I’ve told him to tell me if anything I do is annoying cos I have a tendency not to notice. And one of those things, are my rules. The rules so far (that I’ve blogged out) are fine and harmless. It’s the extra rules that are really starting to annoy him; which are:
- No boys in the house when parents are out
- No you cannot kiss me there.
- You cannot French kiss me after you’ve been smoking – I still have to learn how to French kiss btw
- You cannot touch my ass – even thru jeans
I’ve actually relaxed those rules for other guys (!) but just that I’ve only known him for… a month or so? He’s still new to me. Hehe I’m kinda enjoying frustrating him so much tho. See how long he’s willing to wait – I really should stop with the games…
I’m very protective of myself. That’s true. It’s what he said – and I said that I have to be because no one else is going to be protective of me if I’m not. He said he would! But I said he has no self control – I have proof. He said he does. Should I take his word for it? Maybe I should let him prove that he does. But what if I’m right? Sigh. I should really buy some pepper spray.
Oh, and when I said before that I trust people unconditionally, that means that I trust them… to not screw me over. I don’t trust anyone not to screw me. There’s a difference.
Anyway, not to say that I don’t enjoy making out with him – I do enjoy that. Very much so. But I get to a point where I get so self conscious while making out that I have to stop and I should really get over that. It’s debilitating. I feel bad for him tho. I keep accusing him of being some sex-mad, horny guy. Defence mechanism. Sorry.
My favourite phrase this week is “See how.” It means – in my terms – that there is a possibility that I will [insert verb], but I’m not giving a definite answer. But the outlook is good.
Oh, and another thing he’s annoyed at me for is: the first time he sent me home from netball we took my sunglasses and I snatched them off his head. “Selfish” the word he used. Godd*ammit! I was kidding, you over-sensitive goof! Get over it! If you really want to wear them, you can. I just wanted to get your attention! And I’m sorry if I scratched ur face. Really sorry. But you can be such a big baby sometimes.
So this is what I mean when I say war is so much simpler that this whole… relationship thing. I wont say love even though it may fit the phrase better. He likes and lusts me. HAH. *exxxxxxxxxcellent* (Mr Burns style) and I don’t mean that in its porn context.
I have yet to find a stance on porn. I think I don’t mind. As long as it’s not an addiction its ok? Ok. Not that he's addicted. I hope not. That would be... gross.
He’s noticed that I waaaaay over-think things too much. Don’t let myself go with my heart over my head. Sorry, force of habit. I think I’ll relax more once I get to know you better. But for now, I’m sticking with what I know best. Actually, the last time I let myself go (emotionally, kinda) was with the, um, other one. No names… And that one hurt. So I locked up pretty hard. Lea should know what I’m talking about. Convince me to loosen up! In the immortal words of Shaun: “She needs to get laid.” I’m inclined to agree. Not that I’m actually gonna do it but I agree with the concept. I need to fking relax. And since I don’t smoke, I don’t really have a outlet. Getting laid (metaphorically) – objective 1.
Wow. That is such a weird paragraph to write.
So yes, we have talked about the sex thing. And yes, I’m still a V. Go on, laugh. I don’t care. And I have made up my mind on when: when I’m in love. So he’s got a godd*amn long way to go. Hmm, what are the bases again? Well according to Wikipedia, we’re half way to First base.
Oh. And I just thought of another thing. He doesn’t get me horny. Yet. Well. Yeah, yet. So no chance there buddy. Hah. This it turning out to be such an X-rated post. Oh well. I’m hoping the comments wont be too… “omg Sara, you slut! How can you kiss and tell?!” How can I not? And I don’t see a problem. As long as I don’t go into intimate detail. Right?
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