Pain in the Neck, literally. HAH

I am freaking pissed off.

Various reasons are as follows:

Main Source of irritation: Parents. Who else?

I’m just lying on my bed chatting away on my computer and my busybody father sits next to me and goes “you're getting bald on the back of your head!”

Yeah, big shock. I have really fine hair and not much of it and pointing it out isn’t going to help it any. My parents know about my hair so I don’t know why they bring it up. They’ve even paid for some hair package thing in Mont’ Kiara. I go there sometimes.

Yeah, so my mum comes in and they both prod and poke at my tiny cranium as if hitting the right pressure points will make hair spring up like zombies in a bad horror flick.

You know that saying: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all? My parents are hypocrites. But that’s a rant for another day.

Other irritants: Yearbook Issues

It’s too fking expensive. I hate not having money for things like these. It’s not my fault.

Other Other Irritants: Soreness

The throat issue has worsened and I may be getting sick. Thanks so much bacteria of the world.

* * *

In other news…

Law ball’s coming up and I am, as usual, dateless. Not that I want one or am expecting anyone to ask me. I’ve gone thru that, and unless I’m safe and secure that we are totally platonic, I don’t want to risk it. Ever. Again.

Futsal’s on Friday and I may be staying over at Michelle’s. Bless her little energetic heart.

* * *

The crimson tide is waning and this cycle hasn’t been too harsh. There’s been the usual bloating and cravings for food but nothing to get teary-eyed over. I’m having the major mood swings tho. Eugh. Those can be a bitch too. At least with the cramps you can legitimately say you’re in pain and are there for cranky. With moodiness, you can’t (“I’m feeling really emo! Stay the hell away from me!”).

* * *

Note to dad: stop being such a pussy.
If you don’t want to get pinched:
1. Stop being annoying
2. Start learning how to tell if ppl are PMS-ing
3. Stop coming near me when I’m on my bed
4. Realise that I pinch
5. Stop telling me to go to sleep. I want to, I am tired, I don’t need another reminder from YOU.

Literary Garbage.

Jaspal’s in a foul mood.
The embodiment of PMS.
And all this after our food,
Causes us much distress.

We arrive back from an hour break
Where we laughed and joked around.
Only to return and have her take
Our smiles into sad frowns.

I suppose I understand what she means,
She wants us to listen and be alert.
But now in class all is not what it seems,
As we half listen with a smirk.

Our eyelids are heavy,
Our tongues are quiet
Pity the beavy,
Restricted overt.

Whatever she says,
Goes in and ear then out
For all the fees we pay
All I can do is sit here then pout.

She’s reading from the OHP
There are no notes we can refer
The writing’s too tiny to see,
Every agrees, we confer.

She talks about decorum,
With a scowl on her “face”
Then pretends to be our “chum”
While putting us in our place.

This lecturer is confusing me
The year two’s says she’s great.
What makes her great I cannot see?
I’m reluctant to say “hate”.

Luckily I’ve covered this subject
In months, in A-levels before.
To Ms. V, I may object
This is affecting my educational core.

She’s getting more interesting now
People are actually laughing
Sigh. I’m not bothered, I don’t give a cow
My throat is hella chaffing

Oh crap, she’s giving us a quiz
I wasn’t paying attention
I’m going to melt, I’m going to fizz
Out before she gives me detention.

Here she goes again
Digressing off a pointless tangent
Sitting in her class is torture, it’s a pain
Her voice is like a plangent

I may be coming up with a fever.
My throat aint feeling too well.
I’m thinking of the Epic Movie beaver
I’m zoning out, oh shit, what the hell.

This isn’t my best work
Born out of irritation and boredom.
Reading cases I want to shirk.
Or I‘ll end up in snoredom.

* * *

Written in LMS class one bored Monday morning. If you show this to her, God help you. You won’t be able to feel your face…

The Long Thursday-to-Sunday

I feel really tired. It’s a culmination of lotsa jumping around and not much sleep together with a lil bit of worry for a friend.

Here’s the breakdown:

THURSDAY

10am something
Went to Uni
11.30am
Go to Legal Skills tutorial.
Vijaya is uncharacteristically late. We were thinking of ditching but couldn’t bear the thought of having replacement class –same time next week – so those who were there stuck it out and she finally dropped by.
1pm
Tutorial ends. Boys come back from futsal and rest of the people head to The Curve to sing and eat or something. I am stuck waiting for Sin Yew, Kay Mi and Vasantha. Have resigned myself to slumming around the computer lab.
2pm-ish
Sin Yew shows up. Says Kay Mi is sick and won’t be joining the meeting and but go ahead anyway.
Mr. New goes to See Ms. V and comes back to say she says no meeting because there’s not much to discuss and Kay Mi is not there.
I am (understandably?) fuming.
2.30pm-ish
Sin Yew and I catch a cab to The Curve. Parents have agreed to send me there at 3.30 but I forgo that and go there early. Foolishly forget to tell them I’m there. They don’t mind that much. Well they minded – minded more than I thought – but not like angry minded.
3pm
Reach The Curve. Enter Red Box. Hilarious karaoke session. All is forgotten. Sing the blues away. Have consequently lost my harmonious voice. Not as raspy as yesterday, but still pleasantly husky.
8.30pm
Karaoke ends. People have left early anyway. I race to the Royale Bintang Hotel to get picked up.
Have arranged with Alina to stay over at her house because we’re going to Maison’s later. I neglect (0=) to tell parents about Maison. Am worried about her as she has invited her ex-bf to stay over. Rocky relationship due to many factors.
10pm
Get dropped off at Ally’s.
11.45pm
Finally reach Maison after a lot of picking up people from homes and KL Sentral. Talked a bit to her ex-bf. Have yet to worm the story out of him. Pretend to know nothing of Ally’s issues.
He trails her quite a bit. She doesn’t seem to mind. The bunch of us dance around etc. I get tired and sit out. Peter joins me as smoky atmosphere is affecting us both. Apparently my eyes are red. We chat about Ally and issues. He has theories, which are agreed, but seems to offer no solution. Must find other way of resolving continuing problem.

FRIDAY

3am
Leave Maison as it is closing. Kirsty has joined us earlier in the night. Very good dancer she. We all head out to Murnies for mamak. Were introduced to Kirsty’s cousin and old school mates. Nice people.
3.45am
Go back to Ally’s place. Everyone tired so all sleep within the hour.
9.55am
I wake up because air-con is freezing and v dry. Wash up and go down stairs. Discover Ally’s puppy poodle Teddy and decide to give him some training. V entertaining which keeps me busy for an hour till 11am.
11am
Wake Ally up. She has to send ex-bf and I back – him to bball and me home. Unforch she has asked to wait in his school while he plays bball before going to pick up her other ex-bf – this one more recent.
While Ally is showering and etc, get a chance to chat with ex-bf and find out schematics of relationship. Not considering this sneaky because Ally invited me over and I figure why not. Manage to get some interesting info – most of which I can’t recall now bcos too sleepy.
Conclude that problem lies with both of them but easier to get boy to leave well enough alone than girl. Solution found – implementation will be more difficult. Will only volunteer opinion if asked. Will probably not be asked.
12pm
Reach home. Ally and boy drive off. Nagging worries still around. Get home and have a shower.
1.30pm
Go downstairs to eat. Get text message from Ally – she is bored. At least she’s not focused on ex-boy. Eat nasi lemak and message. Also read Jeffery Archer. Laze around poolside. Getting sleepy.
3pm
Go up stairs. Watch a bit of TV. Go to room and nap.
7pm
Parents are home. Dinner is ready. Baked beans and rice – sounds eugh but is yummy. Remember it is Friday night but don’t care. Ready to sleep in.
8.30pm
No football on telly so retreat to study room to mess around on computer. Forget what I did. Was probably pointless.
12am
Even though sleepy, still stay up. Will sleep now.

SATURDAY

8.45am
Wake up.
9.10am
Get up.
10am
Moot workshop. Nani is there, as is Vijaya. Interesting, ok talk about preparing for moot. Kamraj is not there yet – playing paintball – he sounds cool.
12pm
Kamraj arrives. Nice guy, and though talks slow, if one listens, it’s very educational.
12.45pm
Go for lunch with Sin Yew, Adrian, Li Ann and Yau Jun. the last two are a couple as observes by Kay Mi. Went to Jalan Batai. Close to Main Block. Ordered rojak – having forgotten I only like the pineapple. Adrian and Yau Jun help me finish it. Will try to remember small fact about self and rojak next time.
1.30pm
In KFC buying take away lunch for parents. Go home with food after getting picked up.
2pm
Am home. Mum is steam-cleaning the house. Looks rather like pest control was around. Pictures are on the floor and all the lights are on. They eat lunch. I slum in study room. Am being constantly nagged about clearing room and toilet issues. I do not like cleaning the toilet.
5pm
Supposed to be going to church at 6pm. Dad is sleeping. Do not think church is likely.
6.15pm
I am right. Will go tomorrow. I do not wish to go. Sorry Jesus and His dad and my dad. Will probably be too tired.
8pm
Go to Meng Chuan to eat sang meen and hor fun. Nice food. All full up. Have honey dew sago for dessert. Yay.
10pm
Get home. Jump on computer. Parents watch dvd – very loud. Apparently Manchester v Portsmouth today. Good luck boys.

SUNDAY

12.45am
Start blog entry. Looking for pictures.

* * *

Once I stop trying, it just seems to come naturally. What is it about me that makes me so tense when I try? Gotta see if I can’t work it out.

* * *

Uh oh. I hear the TV guys say "GOAL!". Will investigate later.

Pikat, what?

I think I may have finally figured out where Venon got that "You have a boyfriend, right?" remark from.

A while back in December or November or something I was chatting with Charlaine and Arch and all about the fella (who is now long gone).

Maybe the told him about him? Dunno. Hope that's the case anyway.

Either way, I don't fancy getting chased after any fella who uses the word "pikat" to "woo" me. It's just... creepy.

I'm not a huge fan of BM so shove it.

Impending Bad Day Syndrome (IBDS)

I’m not having a bad day.



I seriously have no thoughts about putting a smile on my face at this particular moment. It feels as if I have lead weights dragging my face down. It’s rather depressing to think about. So I’m trying not to.

Here are the things, in no particular order, which have affected me throughout today.

Here comes Aunt Flo

And with that comes *ouch* period cramps, gastric aches, wind, gassiness, intestinal discomfort and the ever popular cramps. The last one has yet to hit. I have this on-and-off feeling that I need to poop but I think that’s the wind. But then again, you can never be sure.

I may have to call upon the hot water bottle before the night is out.



I’m cranky and I have aches everywhere – joint-wise. I’m all bloated and totally uncomfortable.

Exhaustive-ness

I don’t feel comfortable calling it exhaustion, because I don’t want to detract from the seriousness that the term “exhaustion” connotes. People pass out from exhaustion. I just feel… exhausted. Not lethargic, but slightly achy and generally out of energy.



I guess it could be linked to the periods. Also, every time I move anywhere it’s an effort. Even blinking has become somewhat of a chore. I really do need more sleep. In general.

Tomorrow is going to suck

Tomorrow I am supposed to have class till 1pm, then follow my friends to the Curve for this months Birthday bash in Red Box (Karaoke Style!). Love karaoke, I do.

But change of plans thanks to mortal intervention.

Turns out I have to attend an Editorial Meeting with Vasantha at 3pm. Tomorrow. Which means that I could only possibly get to The Curve by 3.30pm, earliest. As the event at The Curve lasts until 9pm, that shouldn’t be a problem. There’s an issue of whether I want to bother going too but that’s a 50-50 thing. I’ll decide tomorrow. See how I feel.



BUT as it turns out, my parents don’t want me to go to The Curve. I asked and they said no and gave no reason even when asked. I didn’t try very hard to convince them tho. I’ll probably see how I feel about it tomorrow.

But the fact that I’m technically not allowed to go is bumming me out further. I know I’ll probably be able to go but I feel that it would be redundant to ask if it turns out that I don’t want to go.

Should I try and persuade them? Maybe I should.

Money ain’t flowing in like it should

The editorial board is producing a yearbook cum magazine for the Law Society that will document the activities of the Law Society and its students. It’s more fun that it sounds.



It’s going to cost some moneh tho. That’s where sponsorship comes in. the total cost will be in the thousands but that’s no big surprise.

HOWEVER the precious little squirt that’s in charge of sponsorship is moving at the speed of a glacier, so I suspect that by the time any money starts showing up, the project will be scrapped (we have until the end of March, then we start publication).

AND because of stupid department policy, any sponsorship we get goes straight to the consolidated fund, not to our Editorial Board. And because the Law Ball is occurs before our publication, they not only get priority, they will also probably use up all the money first. Not to mention, the Law Ball made a loss last year.



So you can see how totally stoked I am about the meeting tomorrow.

They want us to reduce costs to RM10,000 for 1,000 books. That’s RM10 per book. It’s doable, but it’ll look like shit – not worth doing in my opinion. So basically everything relies on sponsorship – but even contributions to that might not even reach us.

Guys and their spots

No, not zits. It’s like how leopards can’t change their spots.

There’s this guy in my intake (being general here, never know who’s lurking around)… actually, you’ll probably be able to figure out who he is. Whatever, I’ll start from the middle.

He saw this supposed “hot” chick, and she was walking around etcetera. He couldn’t see her face but her bod is rather like the typical skinny Chinese types – thin waist, kinda flat around the boobage and no butt. Rather like the anti-Me. Anyway, face aside; the two fellas thought she was hot – till they saw her face. After that it was game over man.



Anyway, the point is that the first guy – he shall be henceforth known as “the guy”, the other guy is negligible for the rest of this recollection – said “Hey, hot chick.” This is the guy who, not to say I fancy, but the guy who I get along with and am (or was) at the moment trying to figure out if there is a chance or not for anything. After today, I say not. And it bums me out for a couple of reasons.

I say not, because:
1. He likes the “Chinese chick” types. And guys generally have types they like and they tend to stick to them. I guess. I’m not to sure on this point.
2. I do not fall into the category of the “Chinese chick”. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not; it bothers me that guys have types they stick to. It makes the playing field easier to narrow down for them, but makes it oh so irritating for people like me. people like me being people who may fancy other people but know there is one extra hurdle to cross and figure it’s not worth the effort.



And it bums me out because:
1. I know I have no chance. So now I have to find a new hobby, a new something-to-do-with-spare-lunchtime.
2. After watching too many chick flicks, you find yourself yearning for that one guy who will change the way he is or who will learn to appreciate different qualities (namely yours) in a girl. That never happens. Unless you’re different and exceptionally hot. But I have yet to observe case studies on this. So I’m going to take it as set that guys don’t change the types they like – ever.

* * *

All the above has made me cranky and rather apathetic.

At the moment I think my right leg has fallen asleep so I’ve resorted to wiggling my toes in intervals to make sure the leg still works. It’s a really weird sensation when you can feel an appendage fall asleep.



But you know what faithful blog? I feel a little better after jotting all this down. Still tired and sleepy and achy and possibly still cranky, but more light-hearted and a little relieved. At least I don’t have to complain about things to the same people and get the same response – tried that today too, and I know they’re only trying to justify what can’t be changed, but it’s frustrating and the tension builds up.

You are like a demister of emotions, blog. You can run blindly through a fog, or be guided through by a friend. Next to myself, I couldn’t ask for a better listener.

Hey look, a joke! I guess I’m feeling a lot better. Ok, don’t push it.

That growling aint me mad

I don’t know why, but I’m finding myself extremely hungry lately.



Even after I’ve gobbled down a plate of rise and assorted dishes. Either my stomach has been stretched so much that I don’t eat enough or I digest food too quickly. Better the latter than the former. I don’t think I have a big stomach cos I eat till I’m more or less full.

Interesting news tho. Apparently Venon has heard from some forgotten (and I have no doubt, anonymous) source that I have a boyfriend. Oh how I wish.

No, I don’t actually wish that hard.

But he did mention something that made my ears prick up. This was during Kitson’s class so I was rolling with the laptop and the headphones half on so I just heard a bit of what Venon was saying.

"mumble mumble pikat"



Say WHAT now?

I think he’s referring to that fella who’s talking to me on msn (more on him later), but the only time I’ve ever mentioned the “pikat” thing is on this blog. And as far as I know, no one from my class has got this blog add. That’s as far as I know.

I’ve only given this add out to Malcolm recently and he don’t know them. Hi Mal!

Freekazoid city.

So now my ears are pricked. Readers, you have been warned. I not so much mind that you read my blog, but more that you don’t mention the stuff I put here. It’s all dead and buried issues that are put to rest – typed as they come, so the emotions are raw. It takes a while for it to be ok to mention whether I’m embarrassed about it or just hurt – those are the two I don’t think I could deal with properly.



* * *

Anyway, back to Mr. Creepy. Pseudonyms will be used in the case of accidental creepazoid-identification.

Talked to the fella today. Man Utd lost, I know. Arsenal deserved to win, so kudos boys. We’re still at the top so no worries on this end. Other people think different but I say why fret over the past.

Yeah so the match had something to do with Mr. Creepy. He made a bet with me (and no, I did not accept) that if Arsenal won, he’d buy me a drink, and if Man Utd won, he’d stop using future-seeing powers. O-kay. You see where this is going.

I did not and do not want to let him buy me a drink be it milo ais or otherwise. It just doesn’t sit well with me – especially with all the hectic stuff I gotta deal with in uni. I so don’t want to have to juggle this guy’s feelings too.



I didn’t reply for a bit so I guess he was wise enough to sense I was less than pleased to take him up on his offer.

So I couldn’t take it anymore and I told him that asking people things was a bit weird and I don’t feel comfortable going for drinks with strangers. I didn’t want to tell him straight out that “I don’t know you that well and I don’t like you yadiyadiya.” because I have already said half of that, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

RESULTS:
He did not get the hint that I consider him a stranger. Look at the above paragraph. I have highlighted “Strangers” for you. You see? Course I couldn’t do that in Messenger but I take it he can read English.

Although he did apologise for being weird again. Apology accepted; but it will be revoked if you do it again.

I’ve talked this guy’s messaging habits over with Lea – albeit in a shorthand version and slightly one-sided. I’ve routinely ruled out “being friendly” because he’s creeping me out. Lea knows better than to argue with my stubborn gut so she suggests being a liar and telling a few (white) lies to get me off his Cupid’s list.



Untruths to be propounded varied among the “I have a boyfriend now” to the “I hate boys because…”

The problem of option 1 is that I may have to produce said boyfriend for real or in chat form so that could possibly turn out awkward. I would like to keep this annoying invasion into my cyberspace to a minimum and god forbid he bug my friends too. I can just see him spreading like a fungus. Not a nice way to put it, but the guy seems a little deprived of friends.

Option 2 is easier I guess but I hate lying about stuff like that. If I hate something, I have to really hate it for real. I can’t really lie about emotions. It just doesn’t come out very real to me. I might be able to convince other people but I have to feel it first before I get the true effect. I wouldn’t be able to hold the stance for very long anyway. Lea was in this state of “I hate all boys” for a wee while – after a rather saddening traumatic experience, it’s understandable.

I still retain my faith in compatibility and one in six billion chances. Tho there’s a higher chance I end up a dusty old spinster virgin. And that, is really troubling.

The BIG FOUR go to WAR - EPL Style

Not much to mention today.

Updates on the Rash: it has localised the itching to behind my left ear. Strange place but at least my chin and face are ok now. The rough bits around the edge of me facial area is still rough but not itchy anymore. The bit behind my ear feels like the skin is flaking but it’s not – just really itchy.

A friend of mine is going thru some relationship issues and I’m more than happy to share some wise words of wisdom.

Stop rolling your eyes.

She asked me what she should do. I gave her standard advice – do what you feel is right, don’t compromise on you true beliefs, is the sacrifice worth it.

I keep feeling I should be paid for all this stuff I help people out with. Screw a psychology degree, mondo experience is waaaaay better. Well not my experience, other people’s. If it were all me, I’d be in a straight jacket.

Strange tho – after all I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced, I’m still not jaded by what people expect and what people want. The stories are all the same, just the names change. The situations alter with the times, and little spins make it seem more confusing, but there’s always one point. One ultimate singularity (to take so grandly from Stephen Hawking) where a decision could make or break the relationship. I suppose that’s usually when I get called up. I never butt in uninvited. Even when people call or whatnot to tell me stuff about their problems. Like I’ve mentioned before, most problems could be solved if people just listen to themselves. You have to know what you want first and foremost. It can get all confused but that’s what good friends are for, to help to filter out the wants from the want nots.

Only if they ask for advice then only you should give them some. Only then.

Well enough of that – it’s making me a little depressed.

ARSENAL V MANCHESTER UNITED
12.00am Kick-off (Malaysian time)

Man Utd are six (count em – SIX) points ahead of title-chasers Chelsea. If United win this tonight, they could well be NINE points clear.

Thank you LIVERPOOL! But only because you beat Chelsea.

* * *

I need to stop this nasty little habit of visualising me being with someone when they are clearly so not interested. And I don’t consciously want to be with them. Sigh. I think I have an issue. Some DEEP-seated issue. I just don’t know what it is. If someone can tell me, please help me so I can work on getting rid of it. It’s no good for my mental and emotional health I’m telling you.

Late night and totally unnecessary

Still itchy.

G*dd*nm m*therf*cker s*n of a b*tch b*llsh*t cr*pf*ck.

My earlobes are the worst…




I’m going to look back on that last line and laugh one day….

And I need to cut my nails too. I’ve got client counselling on Thursday and I don’t wanna take the guy’s skin off when I shake his hand.

Life has been moderate to me so far. So long as the LMS assignment stuff comes in on time (by Wednesday) so I can put it all together and bind it and everything. Shouldn’t be too tough.




Dada’s watching Star Wars – one of the oldies I think. From the sounds of the old-school trumpets and the “zang” of the space fighter things. I am tempted to go kick him off so I can watch Las Vegas, but I’m sleepy.

Class tomorrow has been relocated to god-knows-where. Actually, I do know where but its so damn inconvenient. And all because of bloody A-level exams. Stupid building is infested with them. Like termites. They keep multiplying every year! Not literally, of course. There weren’t that many of us way back when I was there. Wow. I sound so old.

Whatever. Age grants you the privilege of moaning about the youth.




Been getting the munchies lately and I think it might be cause of impending downward blood rush – if you get my drift. Been a tad bloated too. Bl**dy f*cking hormones. Why couldn’t they make us retain something more useful like knowledge, or do something more aesthetically pleasing with it, like accumulate into the boobage area? Well it sorta does, but not much.


I just thought of something.

Hormones are hor-MOANS

...

I'm a genius.
Plus, having rashes on the face does not help the situation any. I’m forced to pull back my hair so it doesn’t irritate my face. So now, my face is kinda puffed up and slightly red; itchy at the sides; really rough cos of the swelling; AND I have to pull back my hair so it looks like I have no sense of style what so ever.

Why didn’t the guy up there at least give me a face that looks good sans hair?!

Grumble grumble grumble…

Itchiness is a sign of the times

Tis the season for allergies. And everyone’s got them. I can list you the people around me who have suffered from, and are still suffering from, ALLERGIES.


And it really odd that everyone is suffering from the same symptoms too: rashes. Even I’ve go rashes - and I don’t have any allergies that I know of. Really really itchy. Well, not as itchy as it could be I guess.

So far, People Who ARE Itching:

ME

And I’m not even allergic to anything! This is so unfair!


Well, the last time I broke out in rashes that were as annoying as this, my legs looked like blobs of red swells of flesh. And that was after I upchucked on my jeans. I think that was a reaction to the acid or something.

It’s on the sides of my face so my hair keeps touching it even when I tie it up and it’s half driving me Crazy.

GOH YAU JUN

This poor fella has got rashes all over his body. He’s resorted to wearing long sleeves to class and I really feel bad for him.


He’s taking it rather well tho. Not a peep of complaint from him. Kudos to you, man. He has no idea why he’s got them and he doesn’t want to take any allergy tests. He’s been thru a lot tho, first the busted knee, now this. Someone give this guy a break (not literally).

People Who WERE Itching

ADRIAN TAN

But not anymore, thanks to ZYRTEC.


Apparently it came on all of a sudden and now he’s allergic to prawns or something. He’s been pitching this allergy drug to all of us itchy people.

MY MUM

According to her, it’s because of stress. She couldn’t stand the itching so she went to the doc and they gave her calamine with meds in it.

She didn’t use it all the time and she complained like mad. She even went for a facial, the silly cow.

* * *

And for memory sake, no I don’t like him. It’s just fun to give and receive attention. I give the verbal finger to anyone who thinks otherwise, and I think they know who they are. But your forgiven for thinking that – I’m pretty convincing when bored.

Too. Much. Text.

The silly earthquake in Taiwan has played havoc with net lines in this area of ze world so I'm finding it increasingly frustrating uploading pictures.

Is it because of Imageshack or is it the picture I'm trying to upload? It's for the background and it like 900 pixels across. I've uploaded a similar size picture recently but it's giving me hell with this one.

Anyway, sorry about this hopefully temporary setback.

Periods minus the pain equals boring posts. Sorry.

You may be wondering where the painful period posts have gone (I love alliteration, don’t you?). Well it seems that due to stabilizing hormones and all that, I’m all fine and pain-free.

So the rants and raves about stabbing pains may halt for a while. Tho, now that I’ve said I don’t suffer from it anymore, I’ll probably hit me double this month.

That’s justice for you. I guess my destiny is to be a blogging ball of fury and rage. So be it. I think I write more interesting stuff when I’m in pain anyway – both the physical and mental.

And I ain’t sadistic before you bombard me with labels of sadism and whatnot.

* * *

Anyway

On other fronts, the peaceful feeling has passed somewhat and I’m rather back in apathy mode. Sort of half-half.

Got a lot on my plate to do but good ol’ blogger is pleasantly distracting me. Pleasantly in a sense that this is mindless babble which does nothing whatsoever to improve my mental skills.

Actually, this may be helping my touch typing.

I refuse to log in to MSN messenger for fear of:

Distractions

Getting messaged by that guy again

I went to the lounge to watch a bit of old Top Gear on ntv7 and whilst I was watching Jeremy Clarkson rev his way up a Scottish mountain, the fella IM-ed me. Good thing I was technically disconnected so I didn’t bother to reply.


I’m not too sure of what to do at this point. I’ve told him that: he’s weird, he’s strange and that he’s creepy. And still he continues to do that same thing.

Oh, plus, he’s asked me to tell him when he annoys me. Nice gesture but any person with an embedded moral conscience wouldn’t do that. Unless you know then like really well. I have never even met this guy. I don’t want to, but that’s beside the point.

Oh and before I continue on this rather stressful subject (I’m feeling all “eugh” already), let me just say that I refuse to get to know any person who I just meet on the internet. Well, if they know me thru a friend or something, then fine. If they are polite and not stupid creepy, then fine. Case in point: I added this guy on friendster like ages ago. He sent me a message and asked me to add him to my MSN and gave me his email add. No danger there so ok. Turned out to be a nice fella who I sometimes chat with online. He wasn’t forward, just friendly chat and we talked about random little things, and no underlying connotations to make it uncomfortable. We were and still are just friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, THAT’S how you do it. THAT’S how you get to know someone over the internet. NOT by saying hello, and after 5 lines of chat, ask them if they have a boyfriend. THAT is the fastest way to be labelled a CREEP.

And to say the least, yes I do enjoy attention, but not this kind. This kind of attention I can live without.

Again with the questions.

It’s not like I KNOW he fancies me. Because I’m no mind reader so he could just be a really friendly guy. Andi’m fine with that. It’s just that… there’s a freaky sort of vibe – that permeates the air around my torso and it feels creepy, you know?

STOP:
Asking when my birthday is
Asking what annoys me
Telling me I’m cool / great / strong / smart
Going “ooo”
Saying “ler”
Typing in manglish – it’s a spoken language, not a written one
Asking when I cry – it’s not being sensitive, its irritating

Ok, I’m giving him a chance. I’m going to stop treating him like creepy stalker boy and start treating him like friendly manglish boy. Still annoying, just not as creepy. See how this turns out. And don’t go around thinking I’m leading him on, because I’m not. If I wanted to lead him on, he’d follow me off a cliff. HAH. This is me friendly: Hi. Yeap. No. whatever dude.

I’ve had problems with guys like this before – so very naive and they don’t get the difference between friendly and flirty.

Oh, and I’m not laughing with him either. No “haha”s from this quarter. Er… lots of “haha”s from the other end tho. I’m not that funny dude.

Anyway, I find that guys from (sorry to generalise, but it can’t be helped) local schools, I think especially the Chinese ed schools, are so sheltered from outgoing females – like myself. Not to say that Chinese ed girl students are introverted, but the tendency is that they are and it’s no fault of their own, it’s the education system so I, in the end, blame the Chinese education system for all of my problems in this area. Stop repressing the pre-pubesant and let them live and grow so that when they go out and meet other types of people, they don’t irritate the hell out of them. Please?

I’m assuming this one is Chinese ed because: of the way he types, his atrocious grammar, his email is his Chinese name, and he’s Chinese (yeah I know other races go to Chinese schools too) and… I think it’s mainly the grammar that’s tipped me off. But I could be wrong.

ADDITIONAL STOP:
Asking if guys PIKAT me! – pikat apparently means “woo”

Ok, this is borderline making me feel queasy. And not in the lovesick way.

How the hell am I supposed to fend this guy off? He’s a nice guy and polite and all – but I think he’s getting all the wrong signals. Or more likely, he doesn’t get the hint.

Don’t fricking ask me about my lovelife you tard! And don’t ask me to put it into statistics either. If you make me roll my eyes up any more its going to go roll in and out of my ear.

Hmm, maybe he just wants to learn about girls in general. And I happen to be the unfortunate guinea pig he picked. I hope that’s what it all is. Kind of a strange topic of conversation for like the second time we talk.

Well fine, if that’s what he’s looking for - general girl knowledge, then that’s all I’ll give him. No more specifics from me.

Oh great, now he’s using a hypothetical. And another girl in his class. I’m tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s going to end up biting him in the ass in the end anyway.

You're not creepy, just...

Hmm I checked and maybe I don’t have any posts pending that have nothing to do with me. Sorry y’all for false hopes.

Hmm I’m come a far bit since this blog was up and staggering in 2005. Maybe I’ll post my CV up or something. Think it might get me hired one day? Perhaps.

Nothing major happening today. No class so I lazed around at home in front of the tv in my pyjamas and my notebook. I guess I’m supposed to do some work but to be honest I did a smidgen. Well I thought about it. It counts I guess the whole scheme of things… ok, no it doesn’t but whatever.

Hmm, got some thoughts on my mind so pardon me for getting this off my chest.

Have you ever talked to a guy (online or in person or on the phone) and got the distinct impression that he likes you? Yeah, I know I’m flipping the switch on things but nvm. Well, it’s creepy. It’s not so creepy if you don’t know, but if he straight out says things or asks questions that are just a littttle too personal, then that’s weird.

Ok, so here’s the List of Creepy Things Guys Say When (You Kinda Know That) They Are Interested In You

Oh, I should define what kind of guy you have to be before it relates to “you”, per se.
Guys who become creepy are: those we are not attracted to, those who we do not wish to talk to, those who we do not consider a "friend", those who we have no prior knowledge of, those who we show no interest in getting to know and those who come off as creepy by way of first impression.




#1 “Do you have a boyfriend?” or mention anything boyfriend-related

Ok, so it many not be all that creepy but if the guy asks you more than once it makes hair stand on end.

Especially if he asks if you’re talking to said boyfriend.

Girls, you know why he says it. He wants to hear those magical words: “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” Which translates directly into boy-speak as: “I’m single and available and obviously attracted to you so by all means please flirt with me.”

Boys, don’t fall into the ego trap. Not everything is about you. We do not sit by our phones on at our computers solely in the hope of talking to you. Unless we happen to like you then yes, we might. But don’t assume this. It’s annoying. And creepy.



#2 Asks all about your favourite type of movie

Yeah. Ok. We get it. So you don’t get it wrong when you ask us out. Good for you. A for effort. But you’re getting nowhere pal. Beating around the bush isn’t helpful. Actually it’s downright irritating. We already know. We know. We’re women, not dolls. We have a brain and we can figure it out.

Boys, if you’re gonna ask, ask. Don’t wear a path around the forsaken bush and try and “figure us out”. The answer’s still going to be no anyway.

#3 Keep saying you are “cool” or “great” or “beautiful” or “pretty”

We know we are. And you’re not the first one to say it.

I’ve deliberately left out “cute” because that could go either way. But if used in conjunction with the other ones, then take it as meaning he digs you. Ew.

Boys, don’t overdo it with the compliments. If she doesn’t reciprocate, then you have no hope, I’m sorry. You can work it all you like but overkill really will kill your chances.



#4 Tries to entertain you and keep you talking to him

What I got were jokes. Lots of them. Copied and pasted into the chat window. Thoughtful, but it gets old.

Boys, the effort is appreciated. But if there’s no response that’s more than a polite “haha”, then you really have to pack it up and excuse yourself. Don’t make her dislike you any further by forcing her to pay attention to you.

* * *

The reason that it’s so annoying is that you know that they have next to no chance in hooking up with you. He doesn’t get it. And no matter how hard you try to send the right signals (i.e. back off, you’re creepy, I’m not interested), they always come back for a second, third, fourth ad infinitum shot. They will never go right out and say it, so you can’t tell them to back off in case you’re wrong. Sucks to be you.

I’m talking to one online now. It’s late. He’s done all the above things. The fact that he has yet to tell me how he got my email is fking blowing my mind with irritation. It’s the least bit of courtesy you could extend to a friendly female who doesn’t recall who the hell you are. And I told him this. Repeatedly. I don’t ask for fun.

I should post tips for guys: Signs that a girl doesn’t like you in that way. Coming soon!

On second thought, let's try to be rational here.

I know that the last few entries have been stricken with outpourings of the heart and it sickens me as much as it probably annoys you. I do indeedy do have several non-emotional entries pending, but we’ll see if I have the time and motivation to finish them. Some pretty good Pulitzer Prize winning stuff I reckon.

Anyway, after watching Someone Like You (Yay Ashley Judd etc etc), I’m taking a new refreshed look at my current single situation. I would love it for it to be his fault. I’m not heartbroken! But a mild version. If total heartbreak was akin to a heart attack, then this is more of an aneurism.

I truly do hope it happens to me again. The good bits, not the bad bits. The bad bits take their toll, but it just takes one little good bit to wash it all away. Spoken from experience.

I don’t know why, but it’s always when you don’t try or don’t look that it comes your way. But then if you try not to try, its works out in reverse and you still don’t get anywhere. I guess the lesson is just to relax. Let the good times roll and the good times will roll to you.

If there’s anything that Ashley Judd has taught me, it’s that second chances do exist. Second and third and fourth chances at finding that something special and it’s not the end of the world if your chance doesn’t work out. As long as you have supportive (albeit crazy) friends to help you thru it, you’ll get by, with nary a scratch – maybe a few, but its all part of growing up.

I don’t know how I’m going to find that person. That “special someone”. I’m sure that there is one person in the world for everyone. There are also people who will lead you to them, either by guiding you or dividing you. Songs, to put into effect: Bless the Broken Road by the Rascal Flatts. I love that song, because it talks about all the past messes that you’ve gotten into before finding that person. It’s inspirational, tho a little bit painful to hear if you’ve just been chucked.

I think I was fine – like totally fine – before that little reminder of him cropped up. Kinda like putting a thick bandage on a wound. No wait. More like the wound’s healed (it was only a little scratch) and then he made it itchy and I scratched. And out pops the blood. Temporary setback.

I will never give up hope on finding “the one”. I just have to remind myself to not jump the gun. But what if he wants to jump the gun? Speaking as a sane and rational (ok, maybe a little biased?) person; I suggest, go slow. The feeling is great when they feel so strongly about you, but if you’re really not ready, then hold back. Never feel like you should follow their tempo.

But the more OK you are, the faster you’re ready to jump and the more heartbroken and torn you are, the more cautious you’re gonna be.

Advice for future self: it exists. It truly does. Finding it is the ultimate question. It’s got nothing to do with pheromones and casual you-know-what is just as good a path as diving nead down into work. Don’t give up on a good thing if there is the remotest chance of it going somewhere. Hope is not the enemy, but don’t read into it any more than it is.

I’m still at peace tho.

A song springs to mind: Illegal by Shakira. Listen and learn. I totally agree with her. Women are emotional creatures. It’s how we were programmed. Live with it fellas.

This ain't right.

This isn’t right. I should be over this. I swear. Get out of my heart.

It was fine when you weren’t around. YOU know who You are. Tho I didn’t give you this blog address I’ll consider this an open letter to you. I didn’t like you that much. Well I tried not to. But you shouldn’t be lingering around.

I don’t like the way this feels. I need to write it out. It’s like:… someone is squeezing my heart. I can barely breathe. It’s not exhilaration. I’m trying to quash it with annoyance. Yeah, refer to previous graphs regarding feelings in and out and you’ll see what I mean.

I guess you can’t not like someone but I just wish you could just control how much. I really didn’t want to like you like this. I’m not stalkering or whatever.

The initial shock of seeing you online (yeap, that’s the trigger. Don’t call me lame, trigger-finger) makes me want to talk to you and not talkt o you at the same time. What the hell is wrong with me?

Babble babble. There is no structure in this post. I’m going to regret writing this so messily tomorrow. Its times like these I need to watch my break-up movies, i.e. Someone Like You, and Under The Tuscan Sun. Good times all round.

I want to know where you’re at. Are you over me? You probably obviously are. I would still like to know. Was there anything to be over in the first place? Am I just overreacting? No and a yes to be in the worst-case scenario.

Hah. Like I’m worth hanging on to. Woah. Major self-esteem crisis here. I really really don’t want to fall down that hole again. There aren’t enough cute guys to flirt with in uni to bounce back too. Not to rebound to, but flirting is therapeutic. Kinda makes you feel… worthy of attention. Hah.

I need that kind of attention. Tyng! Where is my kindred spirit when I need her?

…

(Are mobile phones so redundant nowadays? Pick up woman!)

Aaanyway, sigh. Feel so much better. I guess I need to just distract myself or something and push that part of me aside till it get so squashed and small it doesn’t matter anymore.

Here’s to hoping it works…

Reminder to self

These past few posts have been awfully personal and the reason being is that some people have appeared in my life - old and new ones - and while faced with new situations, I don't really tend to handle things very well.

You live and you learn.

So reminder to self: Don't get caught up. It's nice to think about it, but you really don't have a good control on things so just stop that right now. Leave the imagining to Hollywood.

And also, on a rather depressing tone: hope leads to disappointment. You know the rest.

Who was it that said "anger is only love frustrated"? Well same applies to hope, cept less intense.

Happy New Year self :)

NOT a retraction

Now that the two days of absolute freedom are up, I regret not actually doing anything productive in that time. Not to say that lounging around and staying up late weren’t fun but me complaining of being bored could have resulted in me actually doing work or collecting the clothes or something at least remotely useful.

Now that father is home, I miss the sound of silence and the totally solitude that come with it. It could have been immensely lonely at times but some peace is nice once in a while.

I think having nothing to do is affecting me in ways I don’t understand. Well I understand it to the extent that I know that I don’t like it and that I need a hobby.
I hate having nothing to do. I have motivational problems – really – but if there’s a good idea there out there somewhere, I have yet to find it.

This’ll be short. The last post was real. Not a cry for help, per se, but a call out of desperation. Desperate to do something.

I have issues. Only one person knows most of them. Only one person knows all of them.